Staring at the Sun Ch. 09

"You don't know how great it is to have you here, Louise. I miss my friends back in the UK and haven't really made any more here."

"What about Pierre? Does he have a wife?"

I could have kicked myself when I saw Lisa blush deeply and look away. "No. He's single at the moment."

"He's good-looking."

Lisa stopped and I could see the tears in her eyes. "You know, don't you?"

"Know what?"

"Was it that obvious? Or did Mike say something to you?"

"Sorry, Lisa...I don't understand."

She went to lean on a wooden fence and stared out over the fields. "Oh God, this is such a mess! I thought I could handle it, but I can't."

Putting my arm around her, I waited for her to continue. "Pierre is a wonderful person, he really is, but he doesn't feel the same way I do. Oh, he likes me but he's so loyal to Mike that there's no way he would ever do anything to hurt him."

"I think I love him, Louise, but there's nothing I can do about it."

She started crying and I held her close as she sobbed. "Are you sure he doesn't feel the same way? Has he told you?"

Lisa nodded. "He sees me as a great friend and I know he's worried about me, but that's as far as it goes. I dread the day he finds someone – a pretty French girl, no doubt – that he loves and wants to be with. I don't think I can bear that."

"And do you think Mike suspects?"

"Definitely. He sees how I look at Pierre. I can't help it. Mike and I are so formal with each other. I know he still loves me, but again, it's in that brotherly way that I find so irritating. What's wrong with me?"

"Maybe its time you went home for a while. Get away for a few months and see if you still feel the same way."

She looked at me with tear-stained eyes. "I think you're right. That's why I wanted you to stay this weekend. To talk to you and try and clear my mind."

We carried on walking, the silence heavy between us as we were both lost in our own thoughts. I wanted to tell Lisa about the lump in my breast but, although I knew she would understand, burdening her with my news seemed unfair somehow. As if I was trading worries instead of being there for her.

But my health concerns were beginning to wake me at night and along with the business problems, I felt at times that I couldn't cope. I knew that in years to come, the very memory of this holiday would be a bad one. I would remember layer upon layer of worry and stress, the doubts and fears building over the week and leaving me feeling drained and exhausted.

And this was just the start of it. When I got back to the farmhouse, there would be the negotiations with Jake and Jilly and all the recriminations to follow. I refused to think about them taking over the business and I was determined to fight them every step of the way.

*

We ate lunch at a tiny café in the pretty village square, a carafe of rough rose wine on the table in front of us. Lisa had calmed down now and was chatting about the region and how they'd explored every village and town when they'd first arrived.

"We were so happy," she mused as she lifted a glass to her lips. "We had so many plans. How could it have gone so wrong?"

"When did it go wrong?"

"I don't know. I can't pinpoint the exact moment. It was like we were slowly heading off in different directions. Mike was so busy with the vines and I tried to help, but it was back-breaking work at first. We planted everything ourselves and by the time the evening came, we were too shattered to do anything except fall into bed. And sleep," she added.

"I know the feeling," I replied. "Richard was caught up in the business too, while I looked after the children and we were just passing each other by."

Lisa sighed. "About six months ago, Mike took on Pierre and I immediately found him attractive. There was this special bond between us and I couldn't ignore it."

"Did Mike say anything?"

She shook her head. "Sex between us slowly dwindled as I couldn't stop thinking about Pierre."

"Did you sleep with him?"

There was a long pause and Lisa blushed deeply again. "Oh Louise, what a mistake I made."

"Tell me..."

She covered her face with her hands. "I thought that by making love with him, it would mean we could be together, but it just drew a wedge between us. I don't think he could get over the guilt he was feeling."

"What happened?"

Lisa took another long drink of her wine and rubbed her hands over her eyes. "Mike was away at a wine fair in Paris and Pierre came around to make sure I was OK. I'm always a bit nervous on my own and he came in for a glass of wine. We both had a bit too much to drink and I think I virtually raped him."

She groaned and I put my hand on hers. "Oh Lisa..."

"He was so good though. So sensitive and caring, but that was it. Just the one night and now I have to face him every day and it's driving me insane."

I sat back in my seat and watched as she poured another glass of wine. "You need to get away. Go back home for a while and forget Pierre. If he loved you, he'd want to make you happy. Surely he can see the pain he's putting you through?"

I saw her eyes well up with tears again and wanted so badly to hug her and comfort her. An image of my daughter came into my head. My sweet little girl would be going through this one day and there was nothing I'd be able to do except listen as she poured her heart out.

"I'm so sorry, Lisa. Did you tell Mike what happened?"

She shook her head vigorously. "God no, he'd have sacked Pierre on the spot. He can handle the fact that we aren't intimate anymore but to know about Pierre and I having sex would be the ultimate. He needs a good manager to make the wines he wants to make. I can't do that to him."

"Does anyone else know about this?"

"Diana does. She always makes me feel so comfortable. She reminds me of my mum, I suppose. She's the only good thing about living here. I get to see her quite a bit, because she sometimes stays when Rob's at Jake's house."

At the mention of Rob's name I asked the question I'd been yearning to ask. "Rob said that Mike was a womaniser and that you put up with it because you loved him. Is that true?"

I saw the look of shock on her face and knew that she hadn't expected this. I could feel myself trembling as I waited for her to answer, but my mobile suddenly rang and made us both jump. Looking at the number displayed I saw it was Richard and answered it quickly. There was no reason for him to call me, and a twinge of worry shot through me as I pressed the button.

"Louise? Don't worry, I just wanted to ask you a question."

"Go on," I said, my pulse slowing slightly.

"You said you were thinking of coming back on Monday?"

"Yes, sometime in the evening. Why?"

"Nothing. It's just that Jake wants me to go to Toulouse with him and we might be away a couple of days. Is there any way you can come back on Wednesday?"

"Of course, if Lisa and Mike don't mind. But what's on in Toulouse?"

"Oh, just business, nothing important."

My stomach contracted at his words and I wondered again whether I had done the right thing by going away and leaving him to Jake's devices. This sounded like another plot to further ensnare my husband and suddenly the peace of the day was shattered.

*

It wasn't until later that I realised Lisa had never answered my question about Mike and my feelings of doubt grew. We'd walked slowly back to the house, the heat of the afternoon intense and my head began to ache from the wine we'd consumed. I wanted to lie down and sleep, catch up with all the lost hours over the last week and just relish the peace and quiet of the old building.

"We thought we'd go out for dinner tonight, Louise. There's a wonderful restaurant not far away and the food is delicious. Is that OK?"

I'd agreed and then made my way upstairs to lie down, closing the shutters against the bright sunlight and drifting into unconsciousness as soon as my head hit the pillow.

Now, as the shadows of early evening lengthened, I dressed carefully, wanting to look my best. Pierre was joining us for dinner and I was keen to see how Lisa acted in his presence. Today had been a revelation for me and I couldn't stop thinking about Mike and Lisa's relationship. My fantasies of being with him had continued and even though I knew it was stupid, I couldn't help imagining us together. But first I needed to find out what he was really like. Whether the image he portrayed was accurate. Whether I could trust him or not.

We all met in the living room and I saw how nervous Lisa was around Pierre. Her hand was shaking as she took a glass of wine from Mike and I could sense her unease. Mike was relaxed, his gaze resting on my full breasts that were shown to full advantage by the plunging neckline of my dress. Pierre was standing by the window and I took a moment to watch him as he sipped the wine in his glass. Although good-looking in a boyish way, he had none of the appeal of Mike who had an air of authority about him. I knew the age gap between him and Lisa was a problem and looked forward to seeing if Pierre was really worthy of Lisa's pain.

We were welcomed warmly at the restaurant, a rustic auberge that was already overflowing with well-dressed couples and family groups. My skin tingled as I sat next to Mike and breathed in the scent of his aftershave. Every nerve-ending was on red alert and I wallowed in the feeling of being so alive and vital. The glass of wine I'd drunk was coursing through my veins and I made a conscious effort to slow down. Drinking too much could lead to disastrous consequences and I tried to stifle the arousal I was feeling at being so close to Mike.

The warm night air was intoxicating too, and I looked around at my companions who were flushed with the heat. Lisa sat next to Pierre and I could tell that she was uneasy, no doubt worrying about sharing her secrets with me earlier in the day. She knew that I knew and her eyes kept darting to my face as if she wanted to say something but didn't dare. The tension between all four of us was unbearable but I found myself enjoying it nevertheless. I wondered how they would all react if I suggested pairing off at the end of the evening and tried desperately to stifle the libidinous feelings flooding through my body.

The waiter arrived with the menus and I was glad of the distraction as we studied the hand-written pages. Mike kindly translated for me and ordered a bottle of local red, his French perfect as he reeled off our choices. "The lamb is exceptional, I'm told," he said with a smile as he took the menu from my hands. "Are you OK?"

The last sentence was uttered quietly and I knew then how much he wanted me. I could see the desire in his eyes and I felt myself drown in the feelings coursing through my body. How could I resist this man? I wasn't made of steel and I knew that before this visit was over, I would make love with him. Every part of my body screamed out for his touch. The thought of my husband and family had receded into the background and I realised that for the first time in my married life I was only thinking of myself and my desires. Was I being selfish?

The meal was as delicious as Lisa promised and gradually the tension between us ebbed away. Mike drank one glass of wine and then switched to water while the three of us ordered yet another bottle. Lisa had relaxed too, and although Pierre was friendly and courteous, there was a distance between them that was noticeable. I wondered if Mike could see it too.

The conversation strayed to wine and I could hear the passion in Mike's voice as he discussed the vines with Pierre. "This year looks to be the best ever. If this weather holds we should be able to harvest in mid-September."

Lisa started to run her finger around the rim of her wine glass, a dreamy look on her face, and I could tell she was bored with the subject. Mike noticed too and his face hardened. He motioned to the waiter for the bill and reached into his pocket for his wallet.

"Shall we go home and have a nightcap? I can see we've lost your attention, Lisa."

She looked up in surprise at his words and nodded. "Sorry. My mind was elsewhere."

The drive home was silent and again, I could feel that heavy tension fill the car. We were all lost in our own thoughts and as we pulled up in front of the house, Pierre tried to make his excuses and leave.

"No, no, Pierre. Stay for a brandy. It's Sunday tomorrow."

Pierre shrugged his shoulders in a typically Gallic way and glanced at Lisa who was ahead of us, her footsteps faltering slightly on the thick gravel. My head was spinning with the wine and if I were honest, I would have preferred to have gone straight to bed. The last thing I wanted to do was make an idiot of myself but with the amount of alcohol sloshing around inside me, there was every chance this would happen if I wasn't careful.

"Brandy, Louise?"

I nodded and made my way into the living room where Lisa was lighting some thick creamy candles. Pierre was lounging on the sofa and I noticed Lisa sit as far away from him as she could, curling herself up in an armchair and playing with the tendrils of hair that had escaped from their clasp. She looked amazingly pretty in the soft glow of the candles and I could see Pierre glance over to her several times. I knew that he was attracted to her but suspected that to go any further would be a mistake. His admiration and respect for Mike was absolute.

Mike appeared and handed us all a glass of brandy, the aroma reaching my nose immediately. I sipped the fiery liquid and felt it slip down my throat, the smoothness giving away the fact that it was very expensive indeed.

Pierre noticed as well and commented. "This is good, Mike. You buy it recently?"

Mike appeared a little uncomfortable. "A present actually, Pierre. From Jake Harper."

He looked over at me and I knew that he was trying to hide something. Small spots of colour appeared on his face and I wondered how much Jake gave to Mike in the way of benefits. And for what purpose?

"Well, it's very, very good. An Armagnac?"

Mike nodded. "Jake can be very generous sometimes."

"Oh yes, of course he can. He can afford to be." Lisa's tone was sarcastic and she looked over at me. "Why was he so generous this time?"

Watching them both, and the frown of anger on Lisa's face, I couldn't help but wonder whether Lisa knew more about Jake's business dealings than she let on. Were they both in the employ of Jake and Jilly? Was this her way of getting me away from the farmhouse and preventing me from ruining Jake's carefully laid plans? Or was she genuinely in need of a shoulder to cry on? Feeling again that sense of manipulation, the loss of control over my circumstances, I could only hope that the next few days would provide all the answers.