All Comments on 'Stranded Ch. 01'

Loved it, cannot wait for the next installments...

Need some more to the story. Not quite understanding how they shipwrecked and was able to bring all their luggage. They didn't know they were setup so how did they ended up together on the raft.

I recommend an editor (use the Find an Editor function in your Lit Control Panel). I also recommend putting up definitions for slang (what is a "bloodclat"?) Is that like a blood clot?

Please don't take this the wrong way. You show promise as a writer, but this was barely intelligible, and I honestly couldn't understand what was going on in certain parts.

Ariesgirl already addressed another concern. The plot itself is a bit thin, and definitely needs some fleshing out to make it make sense.

3 Stars. Like I said, you show promise, but this wasn't the best start.

That was smoking!!! More please!!

Edit your story please. Use proper grammar. Use more commas. Poor grammar makes it hard to read.

I think your idea for the story is great and with an editor, you can really take it places. Some problems I had with the story is that it felt rushed. What's the background behind our two "lovers"? But even before all that can be developed, what about the shipwreck? I totally agree with IronDragon and ariesgirl, but keep writing and you will grow with more experience :)

Bloodclaat = JAMAICAN CURSE WORD. Equivalent to "FUCK"

You do need an editor but your writing isn't too bad. Parts of your story were unbelievable. How the two got off the ship with all of their baggage is an example. The fresh water from a salt water lagoon is another. You scored a 3 from me.

You need to set up the story line. Your lack of proper punctuation makes it hard to read. he idea for the story is good, but you need to flush out the story.

That was fricking hot. A pretty elaborate setup making it seem like they being stranded together not look like an accident but perhaps I'm reading into the story too much. I love it still tho. Don't forget to choke her Lio! ;3