by littlemissariana
Although it would be better to tell it in third person, and you probably shouldn't had stopped mid-story. Overall, the concept is great. Definitely want to hear me.
My problem comes not with the category (As its technically correct, Taboo) but with how cliche this story is and the point that you decided to stop with... mid blow job? WTF
To the person who is 'it's not incest', it doesn't have to be. It's taboo. Which is the other half of this category. I thought it was good, but needed to be longer.
...and then switch back again.
It's (sort of) ok to write in the 2nd person (although very unusual) but swapping between past and present tense is very off-putting. Did it happen or is it happening? Oh, it *did* happen, because we're back in the past again.
Apart from that, yeah, as others have said - too short. You need to develop the events a bit more, there's barely enough time to get even a little aroused (and the whole idea of these stories is to arouse, isn't it?). Also - explain "I'd practiced a long time for this" - with what or on whom? That's a bit of a mystery phrase to drop into the middle of a story with no expansion.
The concept is very sexy .. The details are what bring it to life and your good at it , but you move too fast and it does not have time to build .. So you want to build so things can grow for both the character and the reader :) Then they can both reach the same point together . I'm sure you can become one of the best with a little patience .. And practice. Just breath and relax .
Daddy
Xo
Why not a theme wherein a student teacher had to have the class approval before he gets his credentials?