All Comments on 'Stupid Mailbox'

Wow, there is a man with some real problems, basicaly himself. Cursing and blaming everybody but the one who did it all, himself. Thanks!

I really liked this story. The twist was perfect.<br>

<br>Wetapap, you may have gotten me off my ass and inspired me to submit my stories. Most of my stories are romance, non-erotic, and cheating wives stories, but I do have a few cheating husband stories.<br>

<br>Surprizingly, that my favorite story on this site, "Bright Eyes" was not the story that got me to seriously thinking about submiitting some stories. I read that story over and over again.<br>

<br>I always look forward to your stories. I look forward to your next story.

Now let him take a pistol go find Susan and shoot her them himself and rid the world of two needless assholes!

You wrote well and with feeling

but now you need to end it. She went somewhere and he falls to heck or whatever. And the why of the confession, now that would be the significant flavor

How do you do it?<p>

An amazingly well crafted 'slice of life' story that really raises the bar in LITERATURE on this site.<p>

I give applause my friend. Great work

Really just the start of what could be a good story.

I've read all your stories just now and I'am speechless.... My favorite group's (Angiquesophie, Rpsuch, Longhorn__07 and The Wanderer) got a new member - YOU!!! Thank you very much!-------Bavarian

Great storytelling, thank you.

It's so well written and you seem able to pull situations out of time and get them down so well it's almost as if I were there. Fantastic job.

instead, I got David Letterman's 30-second, lame Top Ten. excuse me if I don't praise you too excessively

Well written and the jog in the story about flipped me out of my chair. Hell of a good job, man oh man.

Writingdragon

Interesting.

What a well written story. Themotion just drips from it. The twist at the end is a real gut wrencher. You have a style that others only dream of. Thanks for another great story.

People sometimes forget that the title of this site is

LITerotica and not True Confessions (I wonder if that still exists?) Beautiful, tight piece, highly charged with emotions.

What can I say, short, to the point and very vivid. <p>

As an aside, this story (and the comments it seems to be generating) really emphasises the sexual dichotomy on this site. If this story had been written from the other perspective (i.e., your protagonist was a wife and the husband was tearing out of the driveway), I strongly suspect that there would have been a lot of comments about the way the protagonist shifts the blaim away from his actions and towards the other woman for leaving the note. The one thing that seems to be totally lacking in this story is guilt over the action, just anger and sorrow over being caught. <p>

Oh well, it was nice to see the shoe on the other foot.

I enjoyed it as it is but,we would enjoy another chapter.Perhaps not all is lost?thanks again W.

Did she forget to do the dishes or pick up his dirty socks? You described his anger but for what? You left me blank, as if you started with an extended introduction, not a stand alone piece. Sorry, can't give you more than a C for effort, not for content.

Ending was superb. A really nice little story. Isn't it funny how, as a man, the male infidelity, doesn't seem as bad. Why is that?

He screwed up big time and wife is gone. The end?

Really like your writing. More please.

I like the story and I am curious to see how it plays out. After all, our "hero" doesn't seem to be accepting any responsibility for his actions. It's "the self-centered bitchs" fault, she seduced him and he succumbed to it. I didn't realize that men were so weak.

This is nothing but an obvious-- and I mean really obvious-- attempt by this author to prove how progressive and forward thinking. It doesnt work. The shortness REALLY hurts this story... is the husband a self centered scumbag... which seems to be the case... or the Victim of a nefarious woman? Is the wife IN on the scheme as well?

...you wasted all of it. For your information, it's "Losing my marriage...," not "Loosing my marriage..." That you didn't know the difference tells everyone a lot about where you are as a writer.

The story goes no place, makes no point, develops no characters, has no plot, and has no beginning, middle and ending. Other than that...

There was no story to vote on all there was was a mention that Karen left the house with her clothes and then he says "Why did I let Susan seduce me" that is not a story but a staement try telling us what she did or what he did in the story and you never mentioned if they were married or single what about that ?

Atlanta,Ga

...but it was too short. I would like to see a much longer story and more to the characters. Thanks you for what you did give us it was good.

I didn't love it. Things I liked were the small details, such as the mixture of tears and dirt on his cheeks, the pebbles embedded in his palms, the smarting in his knees from the grit on the ground. These made the husband seem more real, more vulnerable, to me. I did enjoy how the reason for the wife's leaving was obscured until the end, even though I believe you unfairly led the reader to believe that it was she who was at fault. Attributing thoughts to the husband such as <i>"How could she do this to me"</i> and <i>"We've been best friend for years. I never dreamed she was capable of this. I trusted her with everything."</i> strongly suggests that the wife was to blame for their break-up. When the truth was revealed at the story's conclusion, I felt in retrospect that these were curious thoughts to ascribe to him. It was he who violated <b>her</b> trust.<p>The angst the husband displayed was plausible and written in such a way that I experienced it more than I read it. Nicely done. While his thoughts, and actions seemed appropriate, his train of thought just felt too "sappy" for me. His thoughts were too nostalgic. I would have thought him to be more consumed with a sense of loss and regret than "I remember when..." Perhaps I nitpick, and if so, I apologize. Many have expressed their considerable appreciation for your effort and this story is deserving of such praise.

I guess all stories need essentially the same elements, and this submission lacked most of them. I didn't quite hate it, but I sure didn't like. If it truly took you a lot of time to put this together, it doesn't not bode well for the success of future submissions.

Comments are almost as interesting as the story. <p>Would be interesting to find out why Susan did what she did - sounds like she was getting even over something. Either that or she just didn't like our protagonist and/or his wife and decided to break up their marriage. <p>If our "hero" could find out where Karen went, he could write her a letter explaining all and asking for forgiveness; perhaps Karen's response could be received via the same Stupid Mailbox.

Comments are almost as interesting as the story. <p>Would be interesting to find out why Susan did what she did - sounds like she was getting even over something. Either that or she just didn't like our protagonist and/or his wife and decided to break up their marriage. <p>If our "hero" could find out where Karen went, he could write her a letter explaining all and asking for forgiveness; perhaps Karen's response could be received via the same Stupid Mailbox. <p>Doggone it I logged in and it still called me anon!

Quite often Literotica writers use one of these words wrongly. YOU USED BOTH OF THEM WRONGLY, CONGRATULATIONS.

For a Trifecta, you now need to use 'discrete' to mean 'tactful'

Kilroy

Unexpected interesting twist.

Way to milk a scene!

Still waiting for an ending, (and a beginning too, for that matter).

that the husband had to suck some other guy's spunk from his wife's honeypot...

Oh, well, I liked it, even though you began to lose me when you got loose with your word usage.

I have a confession. Many years ago in an in between stage of my life I was stupid enough to briefly ‘date’ one woman while I was ending, but not formally yet out of previous relations with another. When my girlfriend found out, her grief and anger were overwhelming to me. She was stricken, but I was stricken too. I vowed to never repeat such a stupid behavior. <P>

Back to this story. While I was impressed by the intensity energy and expressiveness of the way you described the husband, I was somewhat under whelmed by the monochromatic quality of his reaction. The one emotion we see beyond the external expressions of anger and rage is the blame which he passes almost through the last lines only at others. After the mailbox (which, I understand, was a literary device to extend this one scene) it was only the other woman’s fault. After a short while and even though it was a short story it got a bit repetitive. But I was missing the almost total lack of self reflection, and as other mentioned at least hints to any explanation (mind you, being seduced is not an explanation). <P>

Mostly , there was no development which for me is an essential ingredient for 'a story'. I think you had a good strong start, which waits to be filled with more stuff so it could become a good story…

I apologize for posting for the second time, but I have just read again "Bright eyes" which is also a short one scene story. In "Bright eyes" (which I suggest that anyone should run and read ASAP) there is a clear development in the relations. Initially its very subtle, but based on keen observation and dialog the development becomes less subtle and very dramatic. What a story!

man this story is horrable. its good that the author warned up about no sex but how about no beginning just the ending. i mean if u were gonna start a story like that at least add a flash back of what happened then continue to where the storys gonna end.

August 11, 2007<P>

by Joel Falconer<P>

When I was in high school, I remember an English teacher sternly warning the class: “A short story has a clear-cut beginning, middle and end. I will look for this in your story, and if I cannot find it, I will fail you.” What she didn’t realize is that a good short story seldom works this way. She was stuck in the rigid conformity to the linear that the educational system encourages, unable to think outside of its structure, or to venture into the fields of her own thoughts.<P>

In my first year of university, one of my lecturers was a best-selling Australian author. And in the first class of Effective Writing, when we got into the topic of the short story, he reminded us of every high school teacher’s words. And then…<P>

“Bullocks! Bullshit!” he shouted.<P>

The short story is a concise medium, a style of writing that serves many purposes, but none of them long-winded: a quick bit of entertainment to pass idle time; a thoughtful piece of prose that takes five minutes to read and hours to get off one’s mind; a serial adventure that has the reader encapsulated in an unreal world and unwilling to leave until the series is complete. Concise it may be, but powerful it is.<P>

So why should it be linear? Why would it fit into the confines of the linear? It wouldn’t! It shouldn’t! No: the best short story is not immensely structured, fitting into a prepared time line of events that set plot and drama into stone. It is a slice of life, a snapshot, a piece of time that is taken from the imagination of the author and stamped with the speed of machinery into the mind of the reader.<P>

Stamped so fast that it may never be forgotten.<P>

Short stories are not the vehicles for a history of time, not a life story, not a fantasy epic. The short story is a slice of life, a few centimeters from a whole ball of string.<P>

PS - By Wetapap - I do sincerely apologize for the mixing of loose and lose. My stories are pre-read and edited by six other people, yes i know it's difficult to believe, but everyone including myself missed it. I'd fire us all, but we work for free.

...and the last paragraph was very funny. <P>

Coming to think of what you wrote (or quoted), it seems that we bring certain expectations when we come to read different genres. Are expectations an absolute? Of course not. In fact, they are made to be broken by innovative writers. I agree that conventions such as beginning middle and end, which were held as universal standards for who knows how long have been loosened and experimented upon (like almost all other conventions). At the end what is left is not so much the question whether some work was adhering to certain set of norms or not (I agree, it’s silly to be stuck on that) but whether the piece worked. <P>

If we see that some work which broke previous conventions become acceptable, I believe that this is where some new conventions come to play (whether they are explicit or not its another matter). But that could be an opening to a larger issue on how we read or understand anything.<P>

I am reminded of a minimalist ‘story’ which a teacher of mine once demonstrated when talking about the basic elements of the story. He said: “The Queen died and then the king died” is in and of itself a carnal of a story. It because something happens and then we have to speculate about the causality; what is the ‘then’ all about? Did the king die out of sorrow, was there a conspiracy etc. The point, which I agree with, is that there is an almost instinctual need that people have when hearing a story. The need is to hear of something that happened. You start with X and then, what happened then? If in anyway you present some satisfying answer people will be happy. Otherwise, it could be an experiment with some other form of an artistic expression –no matter how we choose to call it. It would still be legitimate and interesting too. <P>

The judgment on each story varies by each reader. Some may feel that indeed something happened that made the story work; others could feel that it did not. I think that this judgment may not come so much from the head as it may come from the guts, if you get what I mean. In “Bright eyes” I felt that we ended in a different place than we started. In this story I did not. If you wish to call it snap shot I would agree with you. I f you wish to call a snap shot a story I would disagree. I just felt that for a story I could nor find the action or the development that I needed to find. <P>

Thank you again for both your stories and the interesting article.

for everyone that has left comments. i try to send a personal note to each individual. some i have no way of contacting. i do appreciate the comments and wish to thank everyone who has taken the time to read the story.

Where else would we find so literate a discussion of the form of a short story but at a porn site? Is it a "story?" Hmmm I'm not qualified to say. I just know I enjoyed it. Were all of O'Henry's tales "stories?" What I found interesting is that the man seemed unwilling to address the real source of the problem... all his ranting and only an oblique "WHy did I let her?"

<p>

I like happy endings where justice is done, or forgiveness is justified... or I like to be surprised. Well done

I think I agree with all your old teachers... As a reader...you disappoint us. I see that fellow authors think your work is great. I wonder that they don't copy your snapshot in time style. They could get more snapshots in without worrying about developing any characters!!!!

at how many people gave this 100%. This man was pathetic and the story, what there was of it, stank.

very much. Short concise and dramatic. Well done. Personally I think the male character is somewhat of a cry baby but he is your character and you know him better than I. Nice twist at the end. I can't speak for the others that like to nit pick and tell you how or what to write but for me it was an good read. Thanks for your hard work.

He was stupid not the mailbox. Poor slob is blaming everybody and everything but himself. Susan seems to be short a few brain cells too. Great twist at the end. Very funny. Thank you. Jim in AB

NICE STORY-- CLEVER BUILD UP WITH MULTIPLE PARAGRAPHS OF FURY ABOUT THE MAIL BOX AND THE O'HENRY CONCLUSION CLARIFING THE FACT THAT HE WAS THE TRUE CULPRIT AND THE MAIL BOX WAS SIMPLY THE INSTRUMENT CARRYING THE DESTRUCTIVE LETTER THAT EXPOSED HIS ADULTERY AND DESTROYED HIS MARRIAGE . NICE WRITING AUTHOR.

60 YEAR OLD GEORGE

put the blame where it most belongs

Love the way you take the Character all of the way to the End. to expose his own Mistake Not the Wifes.

and who did what to whom. TK U MLJ LV NV

Ya got me with this one. Good job! My only questions are - did his wife set it up; and how drunk did she get him first? 'Two' many questions.

A cheating asshole jerkoff fuckface stupid husband. A cheater is a cheater. He should die in agonizing pain. Fuck him.

Don't cheat.

they quickly paint a picture of an ntriguing story line and then drop a very few well placed facts and then the ending with just a wisp to make the story slightly clearer.

I would only imagine that they are more dificult to write for they must be sucinct and well thought out. But for my own tastes the lack of character motivation is almost always present in a flash story.

Nice job it just did not feel like he was angry at Karen for doing wrong - but you held on to it right up to the perfect place to drop the bomb -

Cheaters are cheaters and it is a betrayal of the worst kind. Cheaters betray themselves and then they hurt those they've committed to be faithful to in fact or by circumstances. Children are affected by cheaters as well. In their innocence their lives can turn upside down. Most cheaters have remorse usually about getting caught not about cheating. This story was well concealed in the punchline til the sandbags dropped in the end. Nice job!

You really caught me off guard! Clever! Definitely a five

Other works by the author have had a original or unusual perspective. This one had nothing (the element of a wife cheating with another woman is not very new, and there is nothing else noteworthy).

Just my opinion, I enjoyed other works by the writer very much.

Nice shift in perspective from wronged to wrong. Thanks!

yuk *

The ending surprised the hell out of me. I didn't like the premise of the story, stupid man. But you got to admit people, he had us going until the end. Couldn't tell who did what to who. Well thought out story.

there is plenty of blame to go around, TK U MLJ LV NV

Wasn't expecting that. Neat little snippet to read.

Really like a story with a twist and this one had a very twisty-twist. All along I thought it was the wife that cheated, but you really surprised me when it was the husband. A cheater is a cheater is a cheater. What did he expect to happen. Thank you for an original story.

why doesn't this moron finish his shit?

Didn't see that coming, nicely done. We don't see the husband as the bad guy very often in this category. Interesting that he blames the "other woman" for seducing him and then telling his wife - wonder which bothers him most? The cheating or the telling? Wake up and smell the coffee mister, YOU cheated, YOU got caught, but now you AND your wife will have to pay the price.

Surely not much 'time' went in to writing this shit, that is unfinished and goes NOWHERE.

Did not like this one at all.

just can not....will not accept any responsibility, TK U MLJ LV NV

Ye reap what ye sow. Asshole deserves all he gets.

Chur bro awesome story

Shortest great story that I have ever read.

It's a tragedy this story is rated so low.

Champagne is a sparkling (carbonated) wine. In this story the protagonist sees a bottle of champagne and says to himself "It's not hard liquor but it's stronger than wine". This is false on two counts; champagne is wine and it is not stronger in alcohol than many, probably most, wines.

A good and well known rule is "write what you know." A corollary is "do not write about things you know nothing about."

Karen did the right thing and left his sorry cheating ASS!!! Once a cheater always a cheater, he's SCUM!

I felt sorry for him right up to the end. Very good!

This one turned out just right, cheating bastard.

very interesting point in time. there are many unawered question. LOVE slap hapy papy #9

But FAR too little detail and no real ending. No confrontation. No divorce. No juicy stuff. UGH!

This was a really good story on this site. The low rating almost certainly shows that many of the readers are the pig-male angry-at-women jerks they often appear to be in the comments. This story obviously got a low rating because it wasn't a female who cheated and got comeuppance

, but a male, and that's not supposed to happen. I hope it's obvious I'm not saying all the male readers are like that, but there's a pretty big contingent, obviously.

Nice twist.

Wow! Someone recommended your writings and I'm glad she did.

Another non-formula offering by Wetapap. Another Five stars!

Again no body to this just a scrambling of words all over the place, only the mention of 50th gave any indication to how old they were at minimum 67, if not older, but nothing about either, no work up, no middle and the endings seem to be well little to nothing, I love reading short stories and there are many out there that can do them, but yours well to me are just nothing

Very nice twist, thank you.

A real surprise in a short offering. Great job - again.

Wonderful turn around x 2 on end !

LOL

Not worth the time to vote?

Really awful. A weak, immature MC who blames others for his own bad choices then resorts to throwing things around when the consequences of his actions are visited upon him.