Sudden Trouble

He sighed and shook his head, finally looking away and straight ahead into the parking lot we sat in.

"I am going to get you help...we're going to get through this together, okay? As a family."

"I'm not going to waste my time and your money with something that I know is pointless." He said quietly.

I bit down on my bottom lip to stop it from quivering. "Pointless?"

"Talking about how attracted I am to my mother isn't going to solve the problem. I don't need anyone telling me something I already know. And I've fucked several women who looked like you in the past 2 weeks, but they aren't you." He looked at me again. His brows were furrows and he mouth was pulled tightly at one side, but it was not a smile. "I can't stop thinking about you."

I was speechless. It's over...my relationship with my son was fucked beyond repair. I couldn't even think about how angry I was about my sister anymore, how worried I was about my husband's mid-life crisis, or even how embarrassed I was for coming in to work while high as a kite.

My son was the only true stable person in my life, believe it or not. He wasn't a rambunctious individual, organized—possibly OCD, and for the most part truthful. For Finlay of all people to tell me that I've ruined my relationship with him cut me incredibly deep...because he was not one to throw words like that around so easily.

I wiped beneath my eyes; didn't even notice that I'd started to cry. Finn wasn't looking at me anymore. The space filled with silence yet again. "I'm sorry, Finn...I'm so, so sorry." I croaked, pressing my forehead against the steering wheel. I don't care how 'high' I was. What I did to my child was unacceptable.

I heard the clicking of a seatbelt going on beside me. Finn reached over and grabbed my face. He used the pads of his thumbs to wipe beneath my eyes and then pulled me into an awkward hug. "Don't apologize." He said.

When he let go of me I released a breath I didn't know I was holding in. "If you think that therapy will help me I'll do it—for you."

"Just don't cry anymore." He begged quietly.

I blinked the tears from my eyes and nodded. "We can't tell your father about this. It needs to stay between the two of us, alright?"

He only nodded slowly.

"Will you be coming home anytime soon?" I asked sadly.

He sighed. "You making dinner tonight?"

"It's leftover day," I said softly. "We're having beef stew."

"I'll be there." He said simply. "Same time as usual?"

"Seven."

He nodded, and then pulled the car doors handle. "I can drive you back to your—"

"It isn't far. I'm just gonna walk, okay?" He was right; we weren't that far from campus. He closed the door and I watched as he got farther and farther away on the sidewalk.

I held my stomach and heaved again, biting back the tears.

Everything's going to be fine Yvonne. You can fix this.

I was lying to myself and didn't even know it. Things between my son and I were never going to be the same again and I didn't know how yet, but I knew as much that it wasn't going to be a good thing.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

It's hot out here.

When I imagine an ideal Saturday it usually consists of me sitting at home, curled up on my couch with a good book or one of my favorite television shows. Not outside while its 80 degrees surrounded by many people that I don't know with the sound of small children screaming as they play in the distance. I knocked back my second flute of white wine and reached for another on the table I stood next to.

Charles mingled with his friends somewhere from my left and I rolled my eyes when he told that stupid joke about the zebra and the newspaper for the thirtieth time.

I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned around to reveal a bubbly Chaser standing behind me with her 8-year-old son Landon in tow. "Eve, what are you doing?" She grabbed the flute from between my fingers and sat it down, admonishing me. "That's quite enough."

My mouth pulled into a frown as I reached back for my drink. "Last time I checked I was an adult, Chaser."

"Hi Auntie Eve." Landon said sweetly, waving his small hand at me.

"Hello sweetie," I cooed, ruffling his fluffy brown hair.

"Mommy can I go play now?" He whined, pulling Chaser's polka dot sundress.

Chaser nodded her head and shooed him away. She reached out when I attempted to take another sip of my wine. "Eve, I've seen you drink 2 of these already—pace yourself."

I sighed. "Chaser now isn't the time."

"What is going on with you? You look like you've seen death." She breathed, scanning my face as she held my shoulder.

She didn't even know the half of it. This week has consisted mostly of me accompanying my teenage son to therapy sessions dedicated to his obsession with his mother. My hair was starting to fall out I was so stressed.

I scanned the sea of faces in Bev's enormous back yard, searching for him.

My eyes stopped when I spotted Finn sitting on the bench beside the hedge to the next door neighbor's yard. He was socializing with other kids that looked about his age. I recognized none of them.

"I'm fine." I lied.

"You're such a shitty liar. Are you sure you're a lawyer?" She scoffed.

I snapped my head over to her and glared. I just quite simply wasn't in the mood today. In fact, I haven't been in the mood for the last month—period, but especially not now.

On the car ride over to Bev's house my son sat in the back seat, my husband driving. He's refused to look at me and barely speaks to me anymore. He's never really been that talkative with me to begin with but now it just seems more...deliberate.

"Elizabeth! Long time, no see." Charles lilted as he snaked his arm around my waist and pulled me in. I finished the rest of my wine before setting the glass down on the table.

Chaser made an unpleasant face before dryly offering, "Hi Charles."

Charles looked around. "So...where's Cadence?"

"He couldn't make it, lots of work to do." She smiled in a non-humorous way.

"That's too bad. You try and enjoy yourself, okay?"

When Chaser's eye twitched, my eyes glazed over. "Will do." She said through clenched teeth.

Even though Charles was no prize except for financially, he had this way about him where he thought that he was better than most people and its driven Chaser nuts since we were in our early 20's.

"Darling I'd like you to meet one of my new associates from the practice, would you mind?" He asked, pulling at my waist gently.

I'm sure my face couldn't have looked any less bored but I still somehow managed to sound slightly enthusiastic as I said, "Sure." He pulled me over to his small group gathered by the grill. Bev's husband Joaquin pressed more burgers onto the sizzling surface before closing the lid as we approached.

"Andrews this is my wife, Yvonne." Charles said proudly, directing his attention to a short scruffy looking man in a plaid shirt.

"Well you sure weren't kidding, were you Charlie? She is a diamond." He held his hand out and I took it and shook it briefly. "Charlie has told me so much about you."

"Not too much, I hope." I said softly and all of the men in the circle chuckled in their stomachs.

"So what do you do for work, lovely?"

I took a deep, tired breath. "I'm a lawyer."

He seemed taken aback by that and his surprise confused me. "You don't say? That was something Charlie did not mention." You have got to be kidding me.

Six years I went to school to be treated like a Barbie doll trophy wife

"Well, now you know!" I smiled tightly. "If you'll excuse me, I think I hear someone calling me."

I made a beeline for the beverage table that I was yanked from but paused when Finn passed in front of me and went through the slide open glass door into the kitchen out of the corner of my eye. After hesitating for a moment, I put down my flute and followed him into Bev's house.

I looked around the empty kitchen for Finn but he'd disappeared somewhere. I assumed that he maybe went to the bathroom and started up the stairs in search of him.

At the end of the hall at the top of the stairs I heard flushing and the sound of a sink being turned on. I approached the door and held my hand up to knock but it swung open before I could.

Finn's eyes grew wide and he took a step back. "Sorry," He said quietly and moved out of the bathroom. He was wearing a plain white T shirt with a loose fitted blue dress shirt, black Adidas joggers, and a pair of white Nike high tops so clean they blinded me.

I'd always admired how nicely Finn dressed and how he always kept himself very well groomed.

"Hold on a second," I called out as he walked away. He stopped, turning to face me.

"We really need to have a talk."

He looked around nervously. "Here?"

I shook my head before taking his hand and pulling him back into the bathroom. I locked it and motioned for him to sit down somewhere. He put the lid and seat on the toilet down and settled onto it.

I stood opposite him in the roomy space and crossed my arms as I stared down at his barely visible eyes. "Take that cap off. I can't see your eyes." I said, referring to the black and grey Grizzlies baseball cap shielding most of his face.

He plucked it from his head, plopped it on the sink counter beside him and then ruffled his dark, unkempt hair which always somehow managed to look nice even when he didn't style it.

"How has therapy been?" I asked quietly.

"You seriously want to talk about this now?" His voice was incredulous.

"I don't know when else I can? You absolutely refuse to be alone with me anymore."

He groaned, clearly annoyed. "You've been to every session with me mom; you know how it's going."

"No, I've sat outside in the waiting room while you had your sessions. I only know what the counselor has told me...which has been mostly vague and unhelpful. What are your thoughts, Finn?"

He shook his head and grinned a bit. "I think that it's stupid and not helping me at all. The more I talk about you, the more I think about you. My problem ensues..."

"I think that this is just the beginning of the path you're on to recovery," When I started he rolled his eyes and leaned back in his seat.

"I didn't know you were a psychologist too Mom, you really are a double threat."

"Don't you even think about getting sarcastic with me, young man! Everything I'm doing—relinquishing my own pride and torturing myself over my mistake is all for your own good."

"I don't need all of that from you. I don't need you to do anything. I have to figure this out for myself, alright? Don't beat yourself up over it anymore."

"How could I not, Finn? I violated you! It wouldn't be fair of me to just let it the hell go, now would it?"

"You didn't 'violate' me, okay? I'm a grown ass man. Plus you were under the influence and I understand that, why can't you?" He said and then he sat up straight.

"I might be able to if you weren't behaving so obtusely around me? You're making me feel like a monster."

He shook his head as he looked at me disbelievingly. He leaned forward and rested his arms on his thighs, looking down shamefully. "I'm sorry that I've made you feel that way, then. You're most definitely not a monster."

He paused for a second, jaw resting against his fist as he thought. "I'm also sorry that I spoke to you in such a graphic way last week, I was wrong for doing that."

I took a deep breath. "It's fine. I know you didn't mean it honey."

He looked up at me then, and his deep, smooth voice let out, "I meant every word I said, Mom. I'm apologizing for putting it the way that I did, but I needed to make my point as clear as possible."

"You really need to smack these thoughts down, Finn. It's not healthy! Don't you see that?"

"You don't think I know how fucked up I am?! I'm well aware!" His voice raised an octave and it made me jump. I was already having a hard enough time being in this closed space with him, speaking about such a sensitive topic that's been ruining both of our day to day lives. But the way he looked at me as he spoke...the power behind every word and his passion while speaking them made the situation ten times worse. I had been blind to admit it for the longest time, but I've actually grown to be afraid of my own son.

I was scared of him.

"I'm going to move next semester." He said suddenly. "I spoke to Dad about it and he's behind me on the idea."

I blinked a few times, thinking I perhaps misheard him. "You what?" I asked softly.

He looked up at me. "I'm transferring to a school in New York next semester, I've been accepted."

"What the FUCK?!" I screamed. "When were you going to tell me this? The day before you left?!" Silence. "You're not going anywhere. I won't let you move clear across the country."

"I can't keep doing this." He gestured between the two of us. "I can't be around you anymore. You are driving me crazy. I'm sorry but I think this is going to be for the better." He said and stood up.

I pushed my palms against his chest, egging him to sit back down but I might as well have been trying to move a brick wall. "Sit down." I seethed. "This conversation isn't over!" I hissed as I glared up at him. Jeez, he's tall.

His brows pulled in. "What more is there to talk about?"

"Finn, all I'm trying to do is get you to see how ridiculous you're being." I bargained desperately. I didn't want to lose my son. I was scared shitless at that point, positive that if he moved that far away, I was not going to be seeing him again for a long, long time.

"Ridiculous?" He played with the word.

"Look at me, boy. I'm going to be 40 in a few months. I'm old and bitter, worn out—for Christ sakes I'm like a used car. There are so many beautiful young women out there who would kill for a smart, handsome boy like you. You could have any girl you wanted. Hell if I was 20 again, I would probably be too enchanted by you to even speak properly."

He smiled inwardly, those beautiful blue orbs glazing over in their sockets. "You're not old. You're fucking beautiful in every way and you're so humble about it. It absolutely blows my mind how little you give a fuck about what people think about you. You're breathtaking...I don't want 20-year-old Yvonne, I want the Yvonne I'm looking at right now."

I looked down completely at a loss for what to say next, and was surprised when he ducked down to meet my eyes. "Does...the Yvonne right now...want me?" He whispered.

I backed away quickly, nearly stumbling over in my wedges. "You're sick, Finn."

Finn's eyes were slowly beginning to morph from confusion to elation. "Do you...think about me?" He asked calmly, quietly.

I felt my eyes narrow. "Of course I do. All the time."

"You know what I mean, Mom." He said as he approached me. I felt my back hit the wall. He hadn't touched me, but I was terrified of what might happen if he did.

Suddenly flashes of Finn's half-naked body started to resurface from the back of my mind.

Push it down Yvonne.

"You know that night," Finn started. "You told me that you were really good, and that I wouldn't regret it."

"I don't remember that at all." And that wasn't a lie; I really didn't remember saying any such thing.

"Well I'd like to explore that theory." His voice was barely above a whisper. I hated how much I loved his stupid voice. It was always so smooth and deep, like his words were rehearsed...like his life was a song.

"I'd really like you to back away from me, Finn. Please." I begged.

"Would you like to know what else I've thought about doing to you?"

My brows shot up into my hairline. "I would not." I said matter-of-factly.

He continued anyway, completely ignoring me. "I've thought about bending you over your desk at work, fucking you until you begged me to cum, and then emptying my load inside of you."

I held my breath, turned my head to face the shower to my left and avoiding his eyes. "You said that Dad doesn't treat you right anymore. That made me so fucking angry, the fact that he could neglect something so extraordinary," He ran his thumb up my arm and my skin instantaneously broke out into goose bumps.

I breathed out a moan at his touch, my voice high and nasally. "F-fi...."

He bent down and ran his nose up the crook of my exposed neck. "I wondered what you might taste like on my lips. The faces you'd make as I pleasured you and the sounds."

I was full on shaking at that point, uncontrollably. Finn...my son...he really, really was an outrageously good looking man. He was so confident with himself too, and that confidence radiated through his entire body.

"It's the same with me, you know?" He said and then pressed his lips to my ear. "I'm really good, and you won't regret it." He whispered, and I moaned when I felt him press a kiss there.

"You just have to tell me what you want, and I'll give it to you so well. Anything you want. Any way that you want...at anytime."

I couldn't believe what was happening. Not what he was doing, but what my body was doing. My nipples were hardening, my skin was heating, and the inside of my thighs were beginning to feel moist.

How despicable.

Finn's smooth lips glided across my cheek and he pressed a chaste, gentle kiss on my nose. "Please don't do this."

"The doors right there, Mom. I'm not stopping you." He said, nodding to his right at the exit from this nightmare.

He looked down at my mouth, back at my eyes again then bit down on his lip just after darting his tongue out to wet them. I felt my knees go weak at the sight of it. He was way too smooth for his own good.

I glanced up and into his eyes, moaned in the back of my throat at the way he was looking back at me. His eyes were so focused and clear that I could see my reflection in them.

Finn tilted his head, waiting for me to take some sort of action I assumed. My eyes began to move towards the door.

I had absolutely no reason to be in this room with him at this point anymore. I needed to leave...now.

So I was confused when I felt my arms move from my side, I pressed my palms against his shirt beneath the button down and pushed them up his torso to his broad shoulders. I pulled him closer to me and placed a small, timid kiss on his lips. It was the boldest and most unrealistic thing I could have ever pictured myself doing. It was a complete out-of-body experience.

I gasped when he snaked his arms around my waist and pulled my body against his. He kissed me so hard deep that I nearly orgasmed from it. Pure talent. I could feel his erection pressing through the soft fabric of my high-waisted Capri's, digging into my pelvis.

"Finn." I pulled back. My breath hitched in my throat. "Please don't break me."

His eyes were dancing with fire as scanned every inch of my face, memorizing it. "Oh Mom...I am going to fucking destroy you. And you're going to beg me to do it over and over again." He said darkly and then kissed me again, this time much slower and deeper.

I loved the sounds that our mouths made together; it was absolutely divine. I slipped my tongue into his mouth and he met me halfway. He tasted amazing, like lemonade and the slightest trace of mint. His hands slid down my back and I sucked in a sharp breath when he squeezed my bottom.

"Wait!" I protested, pulling my mouth from his and hating how lonely it felt. Reality came rushing back to me like a wrecking ball.

"What?!" He breathed impatiently.

"We can't do this here."

His brows pulled in. "You didn't seem to give a fuck where we were about 5 minutes ago."

"It's one thing to talk to your son in a bathroom; it's another thing to screw him in one." I mumbled.