by DG Hear
Sweet story. I wss happy to see a new post from you, b/c I always enjoy your stories! Extra bonus, it's my b-day! Thanks for the story! =)
The story wasn't up-to your usual standards. IMO the climax/ending was a romantic gesture which could have been much better if the romance between the leads was properly built-up.
The concept was good but the way it was written it almost felt like boy-meets-girl, takes-care-of-a-jerk, boy-proposes-in-front-of-a-million-people.
Yes, there were some name screw-ups. I've seen worse, on this site.
Excellent story, and still plausible in a real-life scenario. (At least, as much as can be obtained in a short-story venue.) Keep up the good work!
Get an editor that will read your stuff closely enough to find the errors.
So, we missed a name. I can live with it. Edting is not an easy Job and besides, most writers like myself make changes after the editing is done. Thanks to all that are reading, voting and commenting.
With respect
DG
What can I say. A good, sweet, engaging romance. Those never go out of style.
Bui I have to admit that I really would not want to jump into the fire so
quickly. She does not sound like a very sensible lady to me and that
could bring us problems further down the path.
Not sure about all the positive comments, but I found the story bordering on unreadable. I can't read a story with every sentence having the same, simple structure-its choppy and never flows. Sorry.
I liked this story. Yes okay the girls were really stupid but the 'hero's' saved the day. Good read. Thanks for writing.
Yup. Another Good one DG. Thanks for sharing on Lit.
Look forward to the next.........
x
You never know what to expect in a list of contest stories - but what a sweet pleasant surprise I had with your story. Such a nice romantic story but with a very realistic and gripping middle part. Very nice pacing to make this all the more enjoyable. This is one to read again soon. Thanks so much for the pleasant read.
I'm not good at the critiquing of stories. I thought it was good, it flowed well, no rough "bumps" that I could see. Nicely edited. Seeing it unfold from different perspectives was clever. Good luck!
This was a nice story DG. I try not to nit pick over some minor name changes, it happens to everyone. Glad to see you back.
To the readers:
I did have a name error in the story, I have since had it corrected. Sorry for any inconvience it might have caused confusion while reading the story. Thank you all for you comment and feedback. They really are much appreciated.
DG
Sophomore mean Wise fool for those who did not know it -
Synonyms are pretentious, Know it all etc - wisdom comes with age and these kids learned some wisdom the hard way - but learn they did and at a minimal price all things considered.
Of course Lisa or Jess could have asked that the officers also ask about the lawsuit they would bring since the bartender knew what had happened and did nothing - even if they lost it would cast the hotel FAR more than a replaced door so the manage would not have likely pursued any charges.
But it was just a story after all -
I can understand her not wanting to call Jess, but going by herself was ridiculous.
Even if she was afraid they'd scare the guy off if they all went, the others could have waited outside the lounge as backup in case something like what happened, happened.
She was really dumb,I would be scared of her getting in compromising situations.
Go alone to a blackmailers unit? Very very dumb.
she was a very silly girl who almost got raped....bastards like him should be castrated and their dicks cut off.....but...like they say....A TROUBLE SHARED IS A TROUBLE HALVED.....always share them with the ones you love so you can both work on them
Jess is the real deal but Lisa just doesn't measure up, far from it. She is terribly lightweight above the shoulders and I'd be VERY concerned about her abilities as a reliable partner for a life together. She sounds like she is only a big-nippled broad!!! Jess will most likely eventually regret not being more discerning about his stupid wife. When he stops thinking with his dickhead and more with his God-given brains, he might discover that maybe Cybil would have been a better and more reliable partner in the end, even if she was much wilder than Lisa in college.
Why is it that police services are there almost immediately, even before Jess and Bubba have a chance to teach a real lesson to the bastard Joe when in real life, you'd better be prepared to defend yourself during the critical first minutes of an assault because the police isn't there?
Lisa brings my rating down to a weak 4*.
BJ
I was wondering if any of these anonymous commentors have ever had a relationship with a woman. Sad, but very unlikely because if they ever got off the blowup doll they they might be able to see it and stop saying stupid s××.t