All Comments on 'Summer Vacation Pt. 01'

Don't bother. One star

What a bunch of crap!!!

fag cuck shit.

Thank you for the read! But what the previous 'commenters' failed to say (well they said nothing...LOL) is that your style is a bit 'choppy'. As an author, you want to consider your audience - because you stopped the story....in the middle of your conflict (if that's the right word) of a "Loving wife". If you read some of the good authors, they've planned their multi-submission stories with good breaks that have the readers wanting more submissions. In this story, it seems that his wife stayed overnight at a girlfriends house, and his friend got lucky - there's nothing that ties them together except, that Liz was out of her husband's sight for a night. If you're leading to Liz & Mike being involved....it wouldn't make sense for her to come back to her own house, and then deny being there. If not...it will be interesting to see how you tie these unrelated instances together.

You might want to consider carrying your point through instead of what appears to be obvious baiting...

But ......... Be nice to see where it actually does go. Please carry on.

YET... If death and hell, on both of them reign in chapter 2 its a 5, even though there is no way you can salvage such pure crap. You didn't even build a foundation for your story. Why the fight? Piss poor excuse about too much to drink. Absolutely stupid that he hears them come in but ignores checking out the slut he brings home. Liz is no wife, if my friend came upstairs to talk to my wife in his underwear even once he'd ge getting his dick sewed back on in my front yard by an EMT 2 minutes later with his kid and his bag right beside him. So you see how are you going to be a man and clear up this mess.... and don't tell us we jumped to conclusions and that his wife is as pure as the driven snow and that she wasn't the one his friend brought home, because that's crap as well.

You have a lot of work ahead of you to make this a story worth reading!

So far I'm thinking you will kill a marriage and a friendship for cheap sex.

You morons get off on acid in a wifes face and castrate a man and yelp with glee at a B.T.B story but a loving coulple you burn at the stake.What idiots..

It sounds like a divorce is underway ....!

I agree with Britease. Interesting start to your story (though I think I know where it's leading), so keep on.

Well you better look into a mirror if you want to see the real moron. What the fuck are you really talking about. What crawled up your dead ass lately? Who would want to see acid thrown at anybody, you moron? Get the fuck off this site and stay off. Your daily bitching about other readers are getting old. Nobody cares for the shit stories you prefer, so fuck off idiot. ONE STAR

We all know Mike fucked his wife. So is this a story about an asshole friend and slut wife fucking over a dumb shit husband? And we are supposed to enjoy watching events unfold where hubby finally figures it out, or never figures it out, or the wife leaves him for Mike, or the wife has Mike's baby, or what? Oh, OK, that must be the suspense. Did I guess right? But then if you continue the story the suspense will be over.

Why not just leave us in suspense? You're not leaving us much.

Looks like this is your first attempt and you’ve run into some of the usual gaggle of intellectuals who haunt these pages. They all have the same name, Anonymous, and like old Joe, of the little boy and his dog fame, they can dish it out but they just can’t take it. Oh well, enough about them, like the poor, they will be with us always.

Some comments about your story: First, you have managed to generate interest, in those who know even a little bit about creative writing, but you have many shortcomings. It seems like you were in a hurry to see your first story posted. If so, that’s understandable, but very shortsighted. You left too many unanswered questions; what was the fight about? Why would he let a friend fuck a woman in his house, where his teenage son was? On the previous visit, why would he be so passive after finding out about friend talking with wife in underclothes? Such things as that begs to be explained.

I suggest you stop where you are, carefully consider where you want this story to go, write a major portion, if you think you can stretch it out over 3 pages, otherwise complete the entire story and submit it as a Revision of this story. You won’t be the first to have to do that.

As the story stands now, I’m not going to score it, because an honest score wouldn’t be fair to a new writer.

Carolina, sissy boy wimp cuck still feeling the need to show just how pathetic a loser you are every time you post. You are just as anonymous as anyone, good thing or you would have been throat punched by now after all your bullshit. One day you will understand nobody cares what you think so go back to your creampie loser and just shut up lol....

I care, Anonymouse.

One day if you ever try submitting a story of your own you may learn something from the comments and helpful suggestions made by CarolinaDreamer. I don't always agree with his viewpoint, but I do believe that he is mostly helpful to authors, especially new ones.

Have you tried being helpful rather than just dismissively critical? That's what CD mostly does.

Lue

Gee what a surprise, Lue sticking its nose into someone else's fight.... Wonder is he/she ever gets tired of minding everyone else's business lol..... This story was pathetic 1*****, no fan of Carolina, but if he wants to encourage writers great, even cuck garbage writers need love from someone.

What made this story derail: His friend actions in his last visit, pissed him off, and he still accept he visit again? Really? A friend doing what he did, would never put his feet in the house again...From here it doesn't matter if his wife provoked a huge fight with him to go out alone and meet the false friend...Is anything that can save this mess? Of course! Divorce! And let her go live with the single father. The question: Was this false friend ready to accept to be married to a cheater after so many years free? The answer is easy...1*

You should try it some time. It's good for the soul.

Lue

Make him steal her completely and the only way he's allowed to stick around is to be their bitch

You're in here everyday spamming every story with nasty comments about the writers and readers.

What a pathetic life you must live.

Try some poetry and leave LW alone.

@writer - rocky start. Not enough plot development and obvious clues as to where it's going. No rating yet.

He already fucked his wife, and it's only day one.

I suggest that you leave the reader uncertain as to who his friend had. On day two of his friend's visit, have the wife come back and make up. Then that evening, have the wife strip in front of both of them and bang both of them. On day three, have the husband fall asleep and then wake up to find the wife gone. Then have him find his wife and the friend together. After the friend leaves, have the wife confess that she had sex with his friend when the friend visited before and the first night of the current visit. She could describe it explicitly.

I needed more detail about what they did but I'll be back for the next chapter.

It's to bad, as it was a very interesting tale,

Sure hope I'm wrong as this, tour first attempt was in my opinion was

very good,

That's a good thing.

Please finish it.

Stupid. What a waste.

Is the writer alive now?