Summers of Love and Tragedy

I didn't however; give up on free love or more accurately promiscuous sex. Romantically, I was still feeling pretty dead inside. It was like loosing Cassie had left a permanent hole in me. But that didn't stop me from fucking half the chicks that lived at the commune and many visitors my first couple of months there. Things changed a little when Dennis, a just turned 19 year old guy that looked to me like he could model for a statue of Apollo arrived. He had left his small hometown in the mid west two months ahead of his scheduled induction. He was terrified. We quickly became very close.

One late night we were alone, talking about life. At some point he told me that he thought he was gay. As we discussed his feelings he explained that he was a virgin in every way. He had dated a little and gotten as far as making out with girls but always felt odd. As for boys he had only allowed himself thoughts about homosexual activity when masturbating. I was totally open with him about my sexual history. He was fascinated and I was more than a little attracted to him.

Soon we were making out and I knew that I could have him with very little effort. I suppose that Canadian commune and the good people I was sharing my life with had already begun to change me, however. Months earlier I would have simply taken advantage of him and his virginity. But that night, I told him that I thought we should slow down and that he should take the time to be sure of what he wanted before we went further. Though it was only a few days later that he insisted he was ready and knew for sure he wanted me, my not taking advantage of him was a turning point in my life.

As we slowly undressed each other that night I felt an excitement about sex that I hadn't felt since the first times I made love to Cassie. It was something I thought I would never feel again. He was the most gorgeous guy I had ever seen naked. He had a long thick beautiful cock surrounded by a thick soft blond bush. His body was nearly perfect, neither overly thin nor bulging with extra flesh in the wrong places. His muscles were taught and well defined from working on the family farm. Though his skin was pale, I could still see a hint of the farmer's tan that I assumed never fully faded. As we stood in that simple room, naked, wrapped in each others arms, making out with our erect cocks rubbing against each other's warm tingling flesh, the cocoon around my heart developed cracks.

He was an enthusiastic lover who was a bit like clay in my hands. Like a great sculptor I slowly and carefully led him into love making. I began to kiss my way down his chest and over his taut belly as I fondled his warm cock for the first time. He moaned and cooed appreciatively as I stroked his dick and gently fondled his full balls while kissing his belly. I heard him gasp and knew that his breath had caught in his throat when I dropped to my knees and let my lips brush against his cock. I kissed up and down his shaft and all over his tightening ball sack. I licked and ran my lips up and down his quivering shaft and delighted in lapping up his free flowing precum. With each passing minute I was becoming ever more enamored of him. I had to resist the urge to quickly swallow his cock and vigorously suck him deep into my mouth. I could tell that he was on the edge and too much more stimulation would send him into climax. So instead of sucking him, I stood up and kissed him softly.

"How do you feel, man?" I asked softly as I flicked my tongue around his ear.

"Oh, god, it is so amazing. I am so glad I waited until I found you," He stammered breathlessly.

Then he tried to mimic what I had done. He stroked my dick a bit too roughly as he kissed his way down my body. Happily, he took instructions well. I felt a bit odd to be tutoring him in lovemaking but he encouraged me to teach him with both his actions and words. Not only was he an eager, obedient student, he was also a quick learner. He happily licked my cock and balls as instructed and was using his lips perfectly to give me pleasure.

"Damn, man, I never thought it would taste so sweet!" He exclaimed after ingesting his first drops of precum.

I smiled and ran my fingers through his long, soft hair as I guided his lips to my cock head.

"Tell me what to do. I want to make it good for you," He said as I pushed my cock towards his mouth.

"Just open your mouth and slip your tongue out under my cock," I suggested.

My cock slid along his tongue and into his mouth as I warned him to go slow. I used my hand to stop him from taking my dick too deep and gagging himself. He soon got the idea and was easily running his mouth up and down the top half of my cock without scraping his teeth against my sensitive shaft. I let him take control of the depth after making suggestions about breathing and relaxing his throat. He managed to get about three quarters of the way down my cock before gagging a little. It took a few of weeks of intense practice before he learned to deep throat me. But even with only the top half of my cock getting sucked I had an amazing orgasm and he made a valiant effort to catch and swallow every drop of my cum.

After I came I took his hand and led him to the bed. I had him lay on his back and I knelt over him. Even though his cock was long and thick, I managed to get my lips all the way down his shaft and nestled my nose in his ball sack for a few moments anyway. I think it might have been the shortest blow job on record though. Within two or three minutes his cock gushed a river of thick semen into my mouth as he writhed on the bed moaning loudly. After milking every last drop from his deflating cock, I moved up and began to kiss him softly. We slept together that night with our bodies intertwined. Of course I didn't know it at the time, but that was the beginning of the first real and longest term relationship I would ever have with a guy.

For a week we made love every night and I began to have feelings for him I had not thought it was possible to have for another guy. I had fully accepted bisexuality from the standpoint of sex and pleasure. I had not yet recognized emotional bisexuality. The sex was great and he quickly became a very accomplished lover. He seemed a natural bottom and when anal became a part of our scene it was strictly me on top. He never even suggested trying the other way around. I was very happy, but my new found emotional connection to someone with a cock had me confused. Even though within a month we were clearly a couple that did not mean I gave up occasionally fucking one of the chicks at commune. Dennis, who had told me that he was in love with me about three weeks after our first night together, never objected to my continued need for pussy.

Even though he seemed to fully embrace the free love, open relationship lifestyle, I don't think he was ever with anyone else while we were a couple. He had no interest at all in sex with chicks. As for guys, there were a few others in and out of the group that were into guy on guy sex, but they didn't seem to interest him either. I didn't screw any other guys while I was him, but that wasn't really out some ethical commitment to Dennis. I think it was more likely because Dennis and I had sex so often there was barely time or energy to screw a chick so I had no time or need for other guys.

At some point I accepted my feelings toward Dennis and began to tell him that I loved him. I never said that I was in love with him as he so often told me. Of course he was so obviously in love with me that I didn't need him to tell me. It wasn't until many years later looking back on that relationship that I even admitted to myself that I was in love with him. Those months were a really great time for me. Better even then the early months in San Francisco. But as with many great things the end I knew would eventually come from the moment I began the affair came all of a sudden one surprising day. The good thing was that the ending came from something other than tragedy.

Though I was surprised by the timing, I always knew that sooner or later Dennis and I would no longer be a couple. I knew in my heart that I was not meant to spend a lifetime in a gay relationship. I also knew that Dennis was meant for that life and believed with all my heart that he deserved someone he could have that life with. He was the sweetest, most generous and loving person I have ever known. If a better guy for him than me had come along, I would have stepped aside even when we were in the middle of our very hot relationship. But that didn't happen. It was my life that changed in an instant.

Unknown to me, my parents had been working feverishly to get my draft orders rescinded, which they had done with the help of some contacts dad had in the government less than a year after I went north. I knew nothing of the change because my parents knew that would have brought me back to the states. The problem with that in their eyes was that I would have been arrested, tried and quickly sent to federal prison for draft evasion. Although I was no longer technically eligible for the draft, I had still evaded a legal induction order. Even though my father had somehow gotten my classification changed to an undraftable status, the fact of my ignoring the previous order had not changed. It took a lot of money and a team of lawyers over the intervening year to convince a judge to vacate the original order. The day my parents showed up at the commune to take me home was my first notice of the life changing court decisions.

Dennis understood my desire to leave him and return to our country. He understood that I was leaving the next morning with my parents who did not know of my relationship with the sweet, blond haired boy I introduced them to as my mother referred to him for the rest of their lives. I did at least manage to convince my parents to let me stay at the commune that night instead of at their hotel. So I had one last night with Dennis. We did not sleep that night. We alternated talking and making love until the sun came up. I didn't see him again until President Carter's amnesty program allowed him to return to the states. Dennis and his life partner came to visit my wife and me for a weekend. We didn't have a chance to talk about old times or the things we had said to each other in the letters we secretly exchanged for years. We still exchange emails and remain close even though distance separates us physically.

My wife knows about Canada and even some about San Francisco. But she does not know about my relationship with Dennis. She knows that I experimented sexually in 67. But has no idea that I am still at heart a bisexual and up until a year before I met her, which was eight years after coming home from Canada, that I continued to have both male and female lovers. From her reaction to the little I reveled about my San Francisco male experimentation I know it is best to keep those memories to myself. I have been completely faithful to her since the first time we made love. I do not expect that to change.

I never again had a deep emotional connection with a guy like I had with Dennis. He was in a way the closest thing I had to a pure soul mate in my life. I am still madly in love with my wife, but the loves of youth are always extra special. Cassie and Dennis as well as Julia in a smaller way will always own a piece of my heart. My wife knows all about Cassie and understands on those rare occasions she awakes to find me sobbing over a dream, that I will always feel that loss. She tells me that my early loves made me the man I am, which is the man she loves. She even accompanied me on a journey back in time to the both the Haight and the Canadian commune a few years ago. The commune is now a co-op farm run by the children of some of the people I knew when I lived there. The Haight is a mixture of what was and what has changed. I will leave it to others to say whether the changes are good or bad.