All Comments on 'Surprise at the Dentist'

I know you mad it For a friend. But as a reader, a male reader. It's hard to read it. From what i skimmed over, sounds like a good story. But in a public format, should narrated in a third person objective viewpoint.

It's a good story, don't get me wrong, but it's not at all in story form, which makes it difficult to get through. The third person and the different style of dialogue makes it difficult to get into and enjoy. If you've ever read the introduction to the book "House on Mango Street" by Sandra Cisneros, she uses a style a bit like this. It's definitely not a style easily shaped into porn though. Great job overall.

Dreadfully boring and shoddily written.