All Comments on 'Surprised by a Friend of the Family'

You had a few minor inconsistencies that if you will go back and clean up will make this an excellent story. I've learned to improve by finding and correcting my own mistakes, so I will leave you the same pleasure. I look forward to reading more of your writings. I gave you a 5.

I enjoyed your story and rated it highly. Here are some suggestions to make it better.

With an age difference of more than 20 years, Mature would be a more appropriate category.

Susan's husband was Alex and Kevin. This confuses the reader.

There were enough unnecessary facts that I assume the story was true. The narrator did not address the effect sex with Jenny would have on his relationship with his wife. He should feel guilty, or he should have an arrangement with his wife that allows him to play. He is too sensitive in other areas to cheat on his wife with no thought about her feelings.

How did Jenny know he was wearing boxers before he removed his pants?

In May-September relationships, sometimes the older person needs to set limits that protect both parties. Even without insertion, one of the described acts could have resulted in pregnancy. Semen can leak before ejaculation and his tip was close enough to her entrance for sperm to potentially find its way to an egg should one be waiting. Unlikely, but still possible.

Many of the facts presented were unneeded for character or plot development. Editing could help trim the unneeded parts and make the remainder stronger.

Please continue to write and share with us. Despite these issues, it was still an enjoyable story.

I made refinements that corrected some inconsistencies. Thanks to all commenters. If I write more I'll figure out the editor arrangements and take advantage of this wonderful Literotica feature.

Kev

My friend sent me this link because I had related a similar story to her once. Your writing is really wonderful and I love how you painted a picture without the ridiculous measurements, etc. I always find the most erotic fantasies spring from everyday relationships and you really did this well. I hope this story line continues.

I really, REALLY loved the subtle representation of the awkwardness without repeating the regular apologetic dialog that shows up in other stories.

It feels like the story needs a chapter 2. I loved it though.

I love that you have sidestepped all the ridiculous junk so common to this genre. Thanks!

I thought I found a favorite author but I think that required about story. Long overdue!

Good premise.

But sex is all rushed.

Starts too fast. Continues too fast -- and without needed details. Ends to fast.

Needs much more exploration/foreplay/preliminaries.

Maybe they could have watched porn together. And talked about wat they were seeing. And how it made each feel.

Three stars.