All Comments on 'Sweet Midnight 01'

by Gum_Bunny

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5 Comments

TJSkywind almost 10 years ago

Good start

A few errors but a good start. When Leo wraps the towel around himself, you use waste instead of waist. Spellcheckers are important, but they won't catch usage errors. Trust me, I know.

You use the word "telekenetically," but that is the wrong one to use when indicating mental communication. The three big ones are telepathy for mental communication, even over great distances; teleportation which means instant travel; and telekinesis for moving things by thought. Unless the idea was that Veronica and her grandfather were mentally throwing words at each other? Esoteric turn of phrase if so. Thought transference is the older phrase used before telepathy came into use. "Tele" means 'distant' in Greek, and implies that the activity is beyond one's physical reach or range; the definition now encompasses any direct communication without the use of speech, body language, pheromones, or the like.

I'm interested in the source and means of these ani-morphic transformations. Is the source the town itself or some object within? A curse? Local wizard casting spells? A form of were-ism? Werewolves are humans who can briefly assume wolf form, and wolfweres are wolves who can briefly assume human form; based on the dialog thus far it implies something of the latter. And is it only predators who can assume human form, though Cleo the fay butterfly implies no. Which in turn raises the possibly disturbing question of the source of the meat - was it a dumb beast or was it Bessie the local cow-girl who got out of line? Not sure I want to know that. Rocky Horror Picture Show aside, I'd rather not eat Meatloaf.

Veronica is the succubus, hmm? Doesn't necessarily have to be demonic / diabolic in origin. Being able to project one's self outside their body is impressive, and adding in the ability for tactile manipulation is even more so.

Awaiting the next chapter.