All Comments on 'Swimming'

Did not see it coming

fun premise but the ending fell flat.

is similar to mine... But never heard the word swinging as swimming... However my wife just clams up and has done her thing until I wised up....4

Great ending for the cheating cunt

This story began as a terrific comedy, reminiscent of a classic Three's Company episode. But then, for some reason, it became serious and dark, and devolved into a standard boilerplate BTB story.

Brain-dead, selfish, clueless, cartoonish wife: check.

Superhero husband capable of making tons of money, building a dining room table from scraps, performing jujitsu, and leaping tall buildings in a single bound: check.

Repulsive villain pulled straight from a B-grade 70's porno: check.

Divorced/dead ex-wife in the end: check.

Happily ever after ending, featuring Mai-Tais on the beach and scantily-clad native girls all fighting to be with our hero: check.

You took an original concept and made it as unoriginal as possible. Shame.

How did she expect the conversation to go? The hint of the BDSM element is much more than a "typical" (?) swinging club. And where were the other females?

So if she was "smart", as the narrator describes, then she KNEW that this wasn't "swinging", and that Art was simply expecting to be able to Dom her hubby too.

But like I said, with the outrageous setup of some of these stories, I always wonder why the hubby doesn't ask her in the confrontation what the best case scenario outcome is how she sees it? THEN he can begin to deconstruct her arguments by showing her the errors of her thinking. When the author says something like " she just repeated the same crap over and over again for the next hour..." and doesn't follow through with actually writing any of the dialogue out, he is cheating the reader by avoiding what MAY be the hardest part (but still the most important part) of writing top tier stories.

I get it that the germ of the idea that "he agreed to something only because he misheard what she said" was all that you were really motivated to relate. THEN, once you painted yourself into a corner, you had to tack on a brief epilogue in support of the "he's not a wimp, and managed to recover nicely..." idea. However, I think so much more could have been made of this story if you only had expanded the confrontation, then you could have saved yourself the time and effort spent on the trite and unnecessary epilogue portion. Since this set-up is totally dependent on what was SAID, then the written dialogue is so much more important then you let it be.

So, yes it was a good idea. I wish you had made more of it, but thanks for your efforts anyway. 3 stars...

The dicksucker had to comment.little sick queer.

Just a touch of humor and still a BTB, literally!

Stupid plot, bitter author.

well, I guess she and Art should have actually taken those swimming lessons !!!! Thanks author, I actually did laugh out loud !

4*'s

Cpprcrk

What a great ending. Never thought of taking her with you on your travels. Beautiful

She was stupid...That wasn't swinging...that wasn't a swinging house...No need for her to die in the end...Just get a serious STD...But a funny (?) story...3*

But to scatter her ashes? That makes it sound like death has balanced the scales, which is exactly how honour killings go. And honour killings piss me off enough to send every god forsaken Muslim and murderer to whatever God they serve just so he can send their sorry asses straight to hell. Just ask OJ Simpson if killing Nicole was worth it.

Now I'm a peaceful guy, a tolerant guy, so I'll assume that you did not intend to get all Sharia law on us. I'll give you the benefit of doubt that they both moved on with their lives and he forgave her because he really didn't care.

It's called humor chaps!!!!!!

But Whackadoodle leaves me flabbergasted. I see no connection between scattering the ashes of the deceased and honour killings.

over this story. It was dullllll.

Thanks.

You must include gay acts and sperm slurping. Hey sj, crawl back under the rock you fag.

# 5

but a comma was missing in the syntax and ashes are for trash. TK U MLJ LV NV

Were you trying to make it funny? What it came down to was her idiocy, lack of love for her husband, and being a whore. She should have known her husband well enough to not even bother asking because he wouldn't be ok with it. What would have been funny if he dumped her remains in the town dump. Exactly where she belongs.

mixed your tenses at the end of the story. And a blood alcohol level of 12? Dead by 3.

If you blow over .08 you have a driving while intoxicated arrest. Were you in a hurry to finish this? 3* for the idea, anyway.

After he angst about talking to him, after her "you know I love you" he couldn't have been that stupid that her trepidation was over swimming, at least enough to have her repeat it. Even if he said nothing to her, you made a point of writing this in the first person, so we are supposed to know his thoughts and feelings. That's the whole point. And yet you had his reaction to be benign at best. If you're going to have the character react the poorly, write in the third person.

Only stangstar has women as empty headed as this in his stories

The only thing missing was the dumb cuckold didn't drive a Mustang

they are all in sentence structure and easily misread, TK U MLJ LV NV

Please keep writing but a word of warning. The readers of this site are not renowned for their sense of humour. And some have a positive genius for missing the point.

gave you a bump for the irony of him thinking she wanted to join a swimming club. then having her drown. that was very funny. yes, i know im sick.

Bad...Bad...Bad story. 1*

Started out with an interesting premiss but quickly fell into the absurd. Nothing remotely erotic here, let alone interesting to read. The name of the website is Lit - Erotica so one would expect something marginally erotic going on. This failed almost from the start.

....his ground on the defining principles he/they lived by. Wifey somehow magically came to believe those principles could be done away by a whim. Cudos to him for sticking to his guns. Shame on her for not. Besides, any discussion about a lifestyle change MUST happen before any action is taken. I personally, can't comprehend why ANY married person thinks they can arbitrarily act on their own thinking in any regard that might affect both. That would be disloyal.

Now, thank you for your story. Please put more effort into the editing phase of any future submissions. While I liked the story, the editing was quite rough.

Also, I felt the run up to the big night was a little overdone. I think the audience got it from about their lunchtime, where the misunderstanding originated. Belaboring the point across another 9 paragraphs does little more than annoy and delay.

But again, the story was interesting in its portrayal of a marriage explosion delayed by a misunderstanding, owed to tinnitus brought on by machine noise.

Truly, a working man's dilemma.

Thank you.

Just not what I like in my hotwife stories.

There are two parts to this story: (i) the miscommunication joke and (ii) the BTB development.

I don't care for the BTB cliches because I don't hate women. This part was terrible, except for the BTB addicts.

If you got rid of the BTB crap and kept the lighter tone of the premise, then you might have had something that would have had more appeal.

I liked the twist of a hearing malfunction. After everything became clear, he acted as a real man. Your previously story was good also. Some felt although the hubby didn't take wifey back the second time, he should have burned her to the ground. Maybe so,maybe no. Either way it was a good story. I usually don't pan a story because it didn't go the way I would have written it. I look at the whole picture. Five stars,

Why do you keep mentioning btb. He didn't burn the bitch, He divorced her, he simply cut her out of his life. Btb is actively working toward revenge, he simply said "I'm done with you."

This story is deeper when I looked at part of it the second time. First I don't understand how a person wreaking of cigarettes and bad teeth seduce Julia. Secondly why she went on multiple dates and never mentioned it to husband. Third apparently she was denying husband sex for cigarette breath Art and his friends. I'm a non smoker and kissing a smoker is a definite turn off. It sounds like Julia was gangbanged by all of these guys till she couldn't walk correctly the previous Saturday. Also she became a slut slave to them. Julia lost her marriage before she took husband just neither knew it yet. Julia put final nails in marriage when she kneeled for another man without consulting spouse and taking collar of submission outside of marriage. That is the ultimate humiliation to a husband to be shown that wife belongs to another. I can't believe when she realized husband didn't like what was going on she stayed for two hours and expected husband to have open arms, when she drags home probably freshly sexed by two or more men. Even if a husband was okay with swinging the way it started at party would have pissed off most husband's. Swinging from what I've heard normally has same number of females as males. I just can't understand how she got sucked into light bondage and gangbanged with the male described. I would have thought it would have been a previous athlete, that works out and is suave and refined.

But dumb. A bit farfetched that she would go for someone who looks like Art, much less cheat and think hubby will accept her actions when she knows hubby's history with a cheating mother. Also needs editing.

First, I like the idea of his mis-hearing "swinging" as "swimming", and I agree with the comment that it was neat having her die by drowning given the "swimming" angle.

What I DIDN'T like was that he wouldn't wonder why she needed to confirm their love before asking him to join a "swimming" club, and how she could think of a BDSM club as a SWIMMING club.

Also, even assuming it WAS a swinging club, that doesn't explain her CHEATING before speaking to him!

And why in the world would she stay with Art after he ruined her life? She had a good job, she didn't need him for support. She couldn't have been THAT dominated if she could drop Art and go back to her marriage, which she would have done if her husband would have taken her back!

I meant I don't see how she could have thought of a BDSM club as a SWINGING club,not a SWIMMING club, LOL!

It started funny but then went in a dark direction which I didn't care much for. ***

I enjoyed your story very much. Gave you 4*s.

Some of the scenes were funny. Other parts were just sad. At first I didn't believe that a person married 15 years or more could be so clueless. Then after reflecting on my own marriage, I realized that it is very believable!

Thank you for a short but very entertaining and thought provoking story.

AMerryman

This was a bit funny and a bit stupid. Your writing is fine but your creativity a bit lacking.

T.T.

but a decent read. I gave a 4 but prob shoulda been a three.

Other than a little misunderstanding over a word, this had very little to offer in the way of entertainment. Just not an interesting read. Certainly nothing sexy or erotic about it.

1 star.

and fixed it immediately he realised what was going on.

5* read. Thank you.

I think the author wanted to suggest that Julia drowned Art, and died in the process.

Yes, I think it was meant to be ironic.

And, all you folks out there going on about real men... does that mean you are about to go to a hockey game and drink schnapps (obscure Emo Phillips reference - now there is a real man!)?

Green-something

3

I thought that the author had picked a great premise for a humorous story with some novel twist at the end. All I got was a standard BTB narative concerning his fat short stupid wife. Really?

But it was ironic. I'm still not a fan of killing Wifey, though. Unless it's cleverly done and she's a totally evil bitch, it's just something I can't condone. Wifey in this tale wasn't evil, just didn't love Hubby like she said she did.

That said, it was kind of poetic, since she didn't enunciate when Hubby thought she said SWIMMING, when she really meant SWINGING. She probably should have asked him BEFORE she started with Art and his asshole friends. Oh, and she should've enunciated more clearly.

3 Stars

What stupid bitch....I would have broken Art arms and his jaws and stomp on his balls... then seek out Art's friend s and do the same to them..

Probable beat the bitch too...she deserves it..

I can easily see where he could confuse swinging with swimming. The cheating slut obviously valued her own desires above her marriage. Funny how cheaters all seem to exhibit a desire to stay in the marriage, but only after their cheating is discovered. If they had that much interest in the marriage then they wouldn't have cheated in the first place.

He should finish that kitchen table.

Should have scattered her ashes on each tip he passed

I teach creative writing. I liked the idea of mixing up the words. Someone mentioned dark. Please!! Not dark at all. The word is ironic, folks. And, still funny. Let's tell the truth though, she was NOT a smart girl.

I found this story stupid. The whole conversation was way too contrived. Who has a whole conversation about swimming without once mentioning a pool or asking where it is.

I didn't finish the story, it was too idiotic but I see form the tags that it gets even more idiotic and looks like it should have been in fetish.

I won't rate this because I didn't finish it.

lmao at the end.

I flushed her ashes down the toilet after a good runny dump.

Didn't!

the top of A BIG FAT BOTCHED TURD !

Harry in VA's Witness

Good start, but this quickly stops being funny. The main weakness is that there's only one joke, mistaking "swinging" for "swimming", and nothing amusing beyond that. The rest is just BTB and bitterness, not particularly entertaining nor funny - and the blood alcohol levels are nonsense. The description of the "swinging" club isn't even accurate - by definition these groups normally serve multiple couples, not one lone male who ties your wife up when you thought she was going to a "swimming" meet.

Comedy of errors, as a genre, involves many small pratfalls which might have been survivable individually but accumulate continually throughout the piece to become a crushing comical disaster. It's subtle, but it needs to keep piling on gradually until the result of many minor missteps accumulates to the point of utter absurdity.

This needs to be rewritten to lose the BTB bitterness and keep piling on the jokes.

For instance, it would be possible to keep the comedy going by having him choose to join a swimming club the next evening... without realising that the "igloo mushers" team he just joined is the IGLA Masters, the international gay and lesbian aquatic association. Various really gay things are happening in the background, with plenty of sexual innuendo which he completely misses. He mostly shows up on his own, but manages to drag wifey to swim practice once - where she leaves with a pair of butch womyn for "lessons" (presumably, misheard, a waterbed full of lesbians) and never comes back to the pool.

While he initially finds no women at the swim club interested in his kind (and a few guys subtly checking him out), one day a "traditional woman" happens to catch his eye at poolside (again misheard, she's a *transsexual* woman living full-time en femme and undergoing hormone replacement while awaiting SRS - sex reassignment surgery). She's very modest and uncomfortable with anything which draws attention to her genitals, even in the change room; he falls in love with this "traditional woman" as a refreshing change to the slut he'd married. whose vagina is open to all.

He eagerly divorces his swinger wife and marries the "traditional" (or was that transitional?) woman because of her modesty and innocence.

Meanwhile, his ex packs a suitcase to go off with her lover, Art. The airline mistakenly lists ART as destination on the tickets and baggage tags - so they end up not in New York City but way upstate in Watertown (IATA: ART, ICAO: KART) where she falls into the water trying to save a dropped piece of baggage. Neither can swim.

The Watertown Coast Guard tries to notify him of this tragedy, but can't reach him; he's away at the Community Pride parade with his newfound bride and her friends from some group named Gender Rainbow... completely oblivious that this is the big gay parade and her gorgeous friends are all transgendered women. After the parade, the two leave directly for Bangkok or Phuket where she gets the operation so that she has a pussy like all of the other women. He is completely oblivious, even though it takes weeks for this to heal enough for the couple to consummate their union. She comes back a new woman, all smiles and joy; they live happily together.

Writer thanks for the effort.

The husband was a little dense at first but very nice recovery. He was correct in his response to the heartless Cunt. Love can die in an instant and anyone who thinks differently is just looking for an excuse for being a coward or a cheater. Thanks for the good story.

Very funny, ja ja ja ja,!

Well written. Nice perspective.

Just think ... if she had actually been practising her swimming then she may not have drowned when falling/jumping overboard ...

that's funny.

Ashes could have gone down the commode.

Remembering how sickly and out of shape Art was, I figured Julia died from Aides.

It's ironic that she departed Life A non Swimmer!....He departed the Marriage a non Swinger....So yeah you get my endorsement Thanks ★ ★ ★ ★ ★ WOOF!

Glad you didn't spend a lot of words on this one.

I liked spreading her ashes around. She did like to travel.

Been a while since I read this, but except for thinking that it's odd, he doesn't question her why she's so nervous about asking him to join a "swimming" club? I realize it's needed for the story, but it calls for an exceptional amount of suspension of disbelief.

As others have said, not good that she's already been cheating, and shutting him off as well.

Tense issues. "Every couple of months Julia sends me an email asking if we can get back together but I just ignore it," but she's dead!

@IronDragon, wifey wasn't killed, she died. Or are you talking about the author killing her?

BTW, BTB DOESN'T mean that you hate women. BTB can be Burn The Bastard - does that mean that you hate men? As someone else said, he didn't burn her, he gave her a fair divorce. I'm sure the husbands in the stories where the wives TELL them they're going to sleep with someone else, would KILL for that kind of a divorce settlement. The way the RAAC people are talking you'd think that HE drowned her. He didn't even flush the ashes or anything like that.

@Anonymous 07/12/16 Re: "Not the way to write a comedy of errors at all" - First, LOVE your idea! Write it up and post it! Second, this is NOT BTB. He divorced her. She died by her own hand or her lover's. NOT BTB!

Why would he honestly feel the need to take her ashes around with him? 'Oh this? This is my cheating ex-wife's urn. Yeah, she fucked a bunch of guys and said it was good for us. So, anyway, I'm just gonna pour a little of her ashes out right. She always did love travelling, my Julia...'

Pathetic. The toilet would've been a better place to pour them. She can travel all around through the bowels of the earth. 1*

Good, funny, ironic story. I don't understand why so many commenters complain about a BTB. After she cheated on him for three months, he gave her a reasonable divorce. She burned herself. I read the ending as her killing herself and taking Art with her. The irony is that she took him swimming.

Wasn't funny to me like everyone else is saying. Thought it was a great story though. Poetic that the wife and Art died because Art couldn't swim and he ended up killing Julia because of that. He was supposed to be the dom, but he ended up scared and panicked and killed himself and his sub.

As soon as she said 'swimming' I realized he misheard her. OP wove the rest of the story together perfectly.

Brief. Tightly written with humor and irony. The husband didn’t kill her. He never wished her harm. She got stupid drunk and drowned during a “swimming” lesson. I liked the irony. End of story. Good job.

the berrated the bitch for raising a cheating cunt

If anyone else saw the irony of the deaths by drowning, then I read 26thNC's comments and realized of course I wasn't alone. Signed: BTW

A fatal blood alcohol level is accepted as being .50. 0.40 is usually death. Depending upon her body weight anything from o.12 to 0.33 is legally drunk. A BAC of 12.0 to 14.0 is IMPOSSIBLE unless the alcohol was give through an IV after death!

Otherwise, it wasn't too bad, I guess.

Regards,

C

Usually like 26thnc comments

But a year later for murder

Agree irony swimming

He should have burned Art himself

This was like an SNL sketch. You get the joke in the first 10%, and then sit through the other 90% and pretend you're still having fun.

Maybe I'm just jealous. A lame idea for a story pops into everyone's head sometimes.

eg. What if a husband misheard swinger as swimmer, derpity derp! Boiler plate garbage for two pages around the premise!

Those bad ideas are as far as I ever got, knowing I don't have the wherewithall to write a damn thing, and that I'd do it badly. But some of the best authors on here were pure dogshit when they started, if you look at their stories chronologically. Good luck to you mate.

Reading again, like the end and her taking Art swimming.

Another Martian Slut Ray Plot.

Loyal loving faithful wife, for years, meets a disgusting cigarette smoking asshole and becomes a promiscuous slut, presto change o.

Just ridiculous portrayal of women. Is this your general opinion of women, that they are that stupid and think with their clits?

Whatever. Thanks for the effort.

Who the hell would take the ashes of an cheating ex-wife? Fuck that. Flush her ashes down the nearest toilet and be done with her.

shouldve pissed on the ashes and threw it in the trash

Yeah, really hard to sell a plot that hinges on a previously loyal loving faithful wife suddenly and inexplicably becoming a stupid guiltless promiscuous slut. Martian Slut Ray, I get it.

Thanks for disappearing.

Good story, but really sad.

Just shit!

Much better than your other CUCK story!!!! Bravo. 5 stars...

No real punishment for Art. He should have made his and his buddys live a living hell.

okay everyone this woman is the very definition of a "SWAMP DONKEY", if she didn't die (lol) she would be the woman sitting in a bar or a club the week before X-Mass trying in vain to get in touch with her children or family with little or no success

Pummel187 had it exactly right; swamp donkey indeed. Disgusting. Makes Madame Bovary look virtuous.

But does he finally have hearing aids now?

Do you like to fuck them after they’re dead, too? I wouldn’t put it past you.

Story was, for me, a bit disjointed. And the premise that a man in this occupation would forget to wear his ear protection is unbelievable.

Very punny :)

Funny well written story. Really enjoyed it

It all felt like too much telling. Not enough action really happened, just the author stating "we had a conversation. She did this. I did that. " Involve the reader in the action.

Just Crap!

Well done Oprime this was a clever ideal bit of humour as well althrough tragic ending 4⭐️

Little rushed

I guess she really should have taken swimming lessons instead.

This premise was more stupid than imaginative. The entire "conversation" was over-written, bloated, silly and unrealistic. MC acted like a five-year-old trying to get back to his toys, so it's no wonder the wife rushed her question, but then he stumbled along until he had a 'Eureka!' moment.