All Comments on 'Swimming, Sun, Sister'

If I didnt know better, I would say this wasnt your first story. very good place to stop, too. I do hope to see a part two? The only criticism I might give would be that you watch for spelling mistakes that spell checkers dont catch, like begin for the word being. That was all I could see. Also, while it may be a common theme, you made it uniquely your own with the scene in the hallway. Bravo on a great story! Rated a 5!

Other then a few small grammar issues that could be easily fixed with a editor it was a bloody great readm Kudos for your first story!

Pretty damn good. I was skinny dipping in my pool when my sister and two of her friends caught me. Give you any ideas of what happened after that. They were a little more curious and that's a true story.

loving this, please keep going

You kept switching from past tense to present tense throughout the story. Other than that, not bad.

First story? Damn good!

Fucking awesome ... hoping for continuation, soon!!!

Very good tale.

Waiting a sequel of this story.

5* for you.

I apologize for my English, is not my native language.

Great story mate hope to see more in the future!!

Very good story. Hopefully, there's more to come.

Hope theres a part two soon.

I actually got hard reading this story. I've always wished for a sister like her; there are none in my family tree. As far as critique; you have already gotten any tips I could add. Great story, hope more cum soon.

RS

ANYONE can have a session of it with some good sex! Another Chapter? !!!

…..so forget about breasts, vaginas and penises. They are tits, pussies and cocks or other pet names. You actually referred to a penis and a cock in the same sentence! Get someone to go through your story with you and show you when and how to use quotation marks appropriately.( Too hard to explain here.) Good start to a series though.

Looking for more from you in the future plus more from the three SSS's also.!**

I try to read more and not say anything on the minus side as I can't even think about writing what you do ( like most on here do -- but you don't see them writing do you.??)

Solid "4" for you.^^

Oh Yes, so damn HOT and a great story. He needs to eat her pussy now and show her it gets even better and make sure he holds her after, kissing and staying close. Hopefully, she'll want him to screw her next and give him a close act blowjob. So much potential, thank you ! Cannot wait for the next hot chapter.

Get an editor and stop telling stories in the "First Person". Story dragged in the middle and was very MEH. Rookie.

It wasn't the most original story in the world but it was very competently done. Ignore negative anonymous comments. Nearly all of them are by losers who get their rocks off by trying to be as nasty as possible. Some of them probably didn't even read the story.

She runs off to the kitchen in the end?

How does one burn a sandwich?

Putting your work in to the public domain is a brave thing to do. This is a really good effort and you should do more. Try to ignore the anonymous critics, most are either illiterate or so pedantic that one would hate to go out for a drink with them

Good beginning to a potential series. Good enough to stand alone, but you could carry it further really well with this beginning. Remember that this your story to tell. Tell it how you want to and enjoy writing it. There will always be those who don't like it or part of it, but others who will. I enjoyed it. Keep it up!

Excellent story !!! Keep writing more. Describe the sister and brother in more detail. Otherwise perfect.

Exciting story!It reminds me when I was nearly eighteen and my sister Linda was nearly 16.I badly wanted to love and fuck her.Linda had developed into a very tall gorgeous girl with black hairs and brown eyes,with a pair of firm beautiful boobs and a marvellous pair of asses.I then started to jack my cock several times daily and cum only FOR HER! My friends always complimented on her several times and it started to annoy me!Once,we had a party home and because several siblings stayed home,our Mum asked us to sleep in the same bed.I was like in heaven.At 2.30 in the morning,everyone was sleeping andI lighten my mobile and I could see the beautiful legs of my sister and her sleeping gown which had pulled up on her back and I could also see her beautiful green thong and some pubic hairs coming out of her thong.My sister was as I always thought she was.She was very hairy!!My God,what a view it was!My cock was already hard like a stone!!I had to do something and I slowly pushed one side of her thong with a finger and I started to finger her pussy with another finger,then two.I also played with her clitoris and after 5 mins,her pussy was completely wet and she was moaning silently.I stopped for a moment,fearing that she knew what I was doing.I restarted with my action and after 10 mins of fingering.she closed her legs and squeezing my two fingers.My sister had cummed but she remained quiet i.e she was sleeping!.and she never opened her eyesI then slowly jacked my cock till I cummed,We repeated that several times when we had to sleep together.Then years passed on and we both got married.35 years afterwards,when we both had been widowed and that our respective children were living on their own.We both stayed at each other's place for some days,and one night after some drinks,we started to joke and while relating some memories of our youth,she looked seriously and directly into my eyes and said"Dear Brother,I have never forgotten all the nights you fingered my pussy and I really enjoyed it.I have so many times played with my pussy and cummed ,murmuring your name!However I chose not to let you know because I knew that we would have fucked and you would have taken my cherry but wanted to give it when I would marry and also I reminded an advice"Do not start something which you will not be able to stop!!"Now we can do it.She started to kiss me and we ate each other's tongue and the in a split of a moment,we were both nude.At first,we started to do as we had done in our teen days!She made as if she was sleeping and me I fingered her BUT THIS TIME,after 5 mins we could no longer "act"We then really loved each other and we fucked and fucked to gain the time lost.She sold her house and lived with me.Siblings and friends thought it was a good thing as we were both alone.But for them it was just a brother and sister move!!!If they knew that inside we live like husband and wife!!

Pretty Darn Good... A few typos (a pet peeve of mine)... and a little more description of how the people felt when one did something to the other is suggested. A very good start of a nice series... Lets see where you take these two in the future please.

Some comments are certainly relevant about the grammar or style. But the most important is that the eyes flow over the text and pict come to mind. Nice pics.

So if you wanted to issue a sexy short story this is a success. Next would be to développement the story and characters.

This builds nicely, got me hard early and kept me there to the end. Great first story! I hope you write some more.

For your first effort or your tenth!

The story was good but you need to learn a little more about structure. You can't seem to decide if you want to write in present or tell a story like it has happened. First person only works if you are telling about a dream. If You are telling about something that has supposedly happened, you should always speak in the past tense. By that you should be writing the story in the same style as how you would tell it to a friend. You would not use expressions like, I walk into a room and stare at her naked body. It should be, I walked into a room and stared at her naked body. When telling a story, always use past tense. One minor thing, you need to decide which country you are supposedly in. If you are in the US, it is ok to say 5 feet 5 inches, but anyplace else, use the metric system. In the US, we don't go on holiday, we go on vacation and we don't have a bum, we have a butt or an ass. A bum is someone who doesn't work and is down on his luck.

A nice cock tease story.

I hope you add another chapter.

cool story

I sure hope the lucky bastard gets to blow a nut inside his little sister. Missionary, her legs spread wide and pinned to her shoulders

I hope we get another chapter

Great first start! More please!

This is a great start to a longer story. I hope that you will write more about these characters soon. 4/5 because it's too short.

Solid sexy writing! Everything completely believable. Please continue the story with more chapters. Loved it.

I found very few things that I didn't like and all of them were very minor. On your next attempt, you might remember that first person doesn't really work in a story. It is a very small complaint and I mean it in a constructive way. The other thing is I am not a fan of using words and phrases that tell people where you are from. An example would be the word, costume for bathing suit and bum instead of butt or ass. I think most readers try and imagine themselves in the story and it makes it difficult when you pinpoint your location. It was obvious that you were either from Europe or Australia. Other than those two things, it was a great story.. I would love to read more.

nice.

also, I wouldn't be surprised if after this, these two started fucking.