by MSTarot
MST< I am out of words for to praise your creation.
I have to say the typos and the grammar robbed it of the fifth star. Still very good though.
I have read many stories that I enjoyed, but usually soon forget them. This is one of the rare stories that is not only enjoyable while reading, but also lingers, in a pleasant, nostalgic way. MSTarot, you have defined Lucifer as a complete, complex, living, breathing, world-weary,real individual. The Devil is supposed to be all evil, but your vision has some good in him as well. And I loved the addition of Maat to the story. I believe Lucifer is wrong, though - the sheer number of Muslims, Christians, and Jews that believe in God and angels is overwhelming. If God, Lucifer, and angels are to "fade away", as did the Greek and Roman deities, I don't see that happening for at least another 10,000 years. That being said, science is continuing to push forward, in a continual, rewarding progression. Bravo, a standing ovation from me!
Wow. The technowizard is the next big thing. I like that idea. Excellent story, my friend. Exactly what I hoped would happen with the radio challenge.
Thank you. <3
Perhaps she should have introduced herself as the new devil, would her name have been Siri or Cortana?
We eagerly await new stories from him (and you).
I can hear echoes of Mick Jagger as he plays the opening of the Stones signature song in this story.
Please allow me to introduce myself
I'm a man of wealth and taste
I've been around for a long, long year
Stole many a man's soul to waste
Lucifer's musing on his past and what possible future is in store for him and the Heavenly Host is a good touch. And the introduction of the innocent yet knowing goddess born of technology is genius.
Lastly, Siri is not Her but, Cortana is. So, this new goddess of technology must be Cortana.
Overall a good story, I hope there's more to come.
... so she's neither benevolent goddess nor devil.
And her name isn't Cortana or Siri. It's Patientlee! (It's my birthday story. I claim naming rights!! ;-)
What an amazing imagination, to come up with that. Terrific.
That sir was an inspired and awe inspiring tale, one of your finest works in my rather humble opinion. Your portrayal of Lucifer was great, not as one sided as we usually get. I am eagerly looking forward to your next effort.
Best regards,
At times during this story it felt like I was there. Best 2 page story I have read on this site by miles.
There are many worse possible songs that could have come on which you could have then been stuck writing a story about.
You did this one justice.
Guess what this reader will be thinking of next time he hears that song.
5 Stars, one of the best.
Jees... ease up on those adjectives.
If you set the tone of the bar in general you wouldn’t need 20 adjectives for every word of plot. It makes the story stilted to read. Also if you spend so much time describing the bar stool is there a reason to it? Does that bar stool come alive and save the world and have 50 children? If not then why does it get the royal treatment?
Have you ever heard of RPL ? That’s recognition of prior learning. That means that it’s a bar and almost all people over 18 in Australia and 21 in USA have at least a working knowledge of a bar. So if you said a dive bar then it’s dark, worn, old, dirty, big titted bar staf etc. While a yuppie bar is bright, clean, well maintained, modern music, expensive drinks and big titted bar staff.
A few words to set the tone, then forget the stool unless it has more to do with the story than just being a stool and getting sat on. If some one sits at the bar they wouldn’t use a chair, too low, they wouldn’t use a crate, low and splinters, the floor’s too sticky and low....... oh I know, a stool. Dive bar probably bolted to the floor, yuppie bar, probably not.
Unreadable. I spent more time on this comment than the first two paragraphs before I quit.
IMHO not perfect, but near as dammit!
Uncomfortable & dark, but oh so easy to read & follow.
Many thanks for your effort. 5/5