All Comments on 'T-Girl Fantasy Island Pt. 02'

Hot new chapter! I love how Elliana broke in Ryan and I'm really intrigued by this talk of hunters and prey (and how it's all going to be captured on surveillance); the next chapter cannot come soon enough!

This was just plain silly.

ok, could you provide more specific criticism? I would really like to know. thanks.

I particularly enjoy your work very much, keep up the good work. Also a huge fan of ruwild

The story is very, very good, keep up the good work. But may I remind you that in Brazil we speak portuguese? (the surname cordoba is extremely rare here...) so no hola, senora(señora) nor papi... our accent when speaking english is also quite different from other latin american countries (no "south american" accent hahaha)

The story is awesome, though :D

Great info! Of all the places I have been, Brazil is one place I have not visited. Peru is next year. I hope to hike the Incan trail and see Machu Picchu. Please keep the comments coming! That will help a great deal!

I love what you are doing RuWild, Whiskey and Sugar are my favorite writers and you do them proud. My main criticism is just an editing tip. Try reading the whole thing, sentence by sentence back to front outloud. That will allow you to catch certain things such as some awkwardly worded sentences and some random words I found. This hadoes more errors thand the first one, but both are still worderful. Keep up the good work and don't let the haters get you down. You are inspiring me to write :)

I do something like that I think. I reread the story to figure out where it seems to get muddled up in the "flow" of sentences(?) (Not sure if that is what I mean to say or not. I can only describe it in my own words. I haven't had a class in creative writing.) I also look for words repeated too often. Things like that. I do appreciate everyone's comments (bad ones included, they make me rein in and look at my story harder)even if I don't respond to them each here. I have gotten wonderful comments in email too and respond to all of them. I would like to thanks the folks that take the time to run this site. Must be a lot of effort and time spent to allow us to write and read all of these stories!

So if it's Fantasy Island, where the fuck is Mr. Roark and Tattoo?

Roark and Tattoo don't live here. You could try CSSA or TSSA you might find them there. Good luck.

I like this story in spite of it's obvious flaws. The continuous use of dom/sub references is a bit silly, ponderous and detracts from the actual story. For example, "his weak and submitting grasp" is not only grammatically incorrect, but it comes across as forced and redundant. In short, we get the idea - all the T-girls are doms, everyone else is sub. Rather than describing what they are, use their actions to describe their roles. For example, anyone on their knees in front of someone standing is automatically assuming a submissive posture.

Aside from that, this story is a fairly good read. It is a pleasant change from the endless descriptions of clothing that permeate this genre. You have an obvious enthusiasm for this material, but try to use your words more sparingly. Words are a precious commodity; too much (as in your case) and you dilute the story; too little and you leave the reader wanting. Good luck!

very good points. Thanks. I will proof read my stories in the future with that in mind. Thanks for that perspective! It will help me a lot in the future!

In one of the comments by anonymous, funny how anonymous is always so willing to dish out the hard criticism, I read that they felt you were too wordy and redundant. While I agree that you don't want to be redundant I think your descriptions are colorful and imaginative. Use however many words you feel you need to build the scene in our heads. We'll work through it. After all, there are highly paid mainstream authors that tell me way more about Heraldry than I care to know and yet I love their stories.

Thank you for your hard work.

ruwild

(Yes, I know - I'm terribly late to comment but only now have I found and begun to read your tales)

Oh please..... Quote - "her hands messaged the oil into his chest and stomach"

So she sent him a message did she? With her fingers, I guess?

Please don't make fundamental errors like this - try massaged instead.

Too many of those kinds of errors through this story so far - here's hoping that there are less in later chapters and that you've improved your command of your vocabulary somewhat.

Not bad otherwise - one star missing because of these errors.

PS Ms Cordoba - I wonder where you found that name? I'm guessing from shemale videos - the celebrated Mariana Cordoba.

A continuing marvelous story of very sensually portrayed characters. And, as it is with all well conceived stories, gives generous fruit for the reader- writer imagination. Granted, a few wrong words here or there, but the author's intent is obvious. No harm, no foul. Love the "indepth" description of the breaching of the boy's butt button. Can't wait for next part.

This is good, so far.

I'm going to be really annoyed though if this yet another unfinished story !