All Comments on 'Take Me Out To The Ball Game…'

Seriously. I cannot get past the extraneous incorrect use of punctuation.

I couldn't get past the excessive use of ellipses. Its ok to write complete sentences. I've never seen a writer who appeared to fear the comma till now.

I have to agree with the previous comments. Correct punctuation is a wonderful thing, and yes, it is necessary in erotica. I'd love to read this story, but I just can't help being distracted by the punctuation. I suggest you find an editor and resubmit your story. I'll certainly keep my eye out for it! :)

I...liked...the...idea...of...the...story...but...there... were...too...many...periods...between...the...words

I'm sorry to say you used ellipsis (...) incorrectly, and while normally grammar isn't a huge issue for stories, it makes this story almost unreadable in my personal opinion. Please learn to use them correctly, and I'm sure you'll become a fantastic writer once you do.