All Comments on 'Taking Care of Business'

It must be something in the Antipodean water. He hasn't posted for a long while and I miss his brusque writing style - I can only assume that he has succumbed to some form of decrepitude and is no longer able to write.

A

Thank you for another great story. I thoroughly enjoyed reading it.

meet Pygmallion and Liza D. TK U MLJ LV NV

It seems to me that every good writer and story teller develops. Just because they are older doesn't mean they stop. Along the way readers discover them and are privileged to ride along for a while or become disappointed for one reason or another and turn away. For me, one of the tests of good writing has always been how aware I was of turning the pages. The words and mechanics used can get in the way of the story rather than serve to enhance its telling. When I read this, I felt as if I had just watched a vignette out of someone's life. I had to check again to discover that the story really was four pages as it didn't seem much time had passed. As usual, I'm sure some people will trash it but I contend that that has more to do with the reader than the writer. You've written a great piece here Cromagnonman.

Yours truly, The Evil Anonymous

So we are supposed to believe that the newspapers couldn't identify the returning Hollywood star...........

Your style is still enjoyable but you used to take much more care than that with your plots.

The life style of the rich and famous was a bit over the top, but, it was a good read. Actually, a very enjoyable read that flowed well.

As the old frog once said, Time's fun when your having flys.

I thought the idea was very good but you didn't seem to execute as well as you usually do. I did enjoy it and it was still a well above average story but it did not make the same impression as some of your other work.

The story just rushed along with the characters being pushed into their roles. Too much happens too quickly and with no signs of the characters growing along the way. They seemed a bit wooden in their interactions also.

It would have helped a bit if the characters showed more of themselves. That trip to rosita's home would have been a chance for Miles to see and respond to poverty. His meeting with his mother could also have been a chance to see more of his character if he had to deal a bit with his parents relationship. Even his initial affair with Miranda was almost devoid of any exposed feelings. Except for the sudden burst of anger at her leaving, it was pretty sterile. More discovery and self reflection, in a form other than mental dialog, would have made it more real.

I hate posting things like this but I hope it's seen as constructive criticism for a story that was fun to read. Thanks.

First page, first meeting with Miranda, a shift to first person. Minor detail, but a proofreading issue.

What's with the lack of contractions? It put me off Miles as a pompous pile of c*** before page one ended.

Zero motivation for the characters came through. Miranda mentions in her first sentence that she's married, and the courtship unwinds anyway. It didn't make any sense. The plot point being that poor old Miles gets an insight into his character. Might have made more sense if she'd given him the finger and explained why.

And then he rewards her for giving him these insights by helping her out after she dumps her husband because he's screwing a model .. and the gets back with him ..

none of it adds up. Just a string of events, any of which could be deleted, or changed, for all the difference it makes to the arbitrary plot.

Give people better reasons for their actions!

Let's not worry how much Rosita would sue him for if he didnot give her child a last name of weight. Personally I found it fascinating that the beautiful star took back her philandering husband because she, er, loves him...

Well done.

Still had an Australian feel, tweaked for this US audience.

A traffic citation, infringement notice.

Rosita, philipino but almost sounds Mexican

I'm not sure if Sydney land rats actually have a heart though. :)

Cheating is not romantic.

I read about halfway through page one. The beginning was too long with a background dump, but I kept reading. I stopped where he meets the married woman at the party. The dialogue was too ridiculous to continue reading.

Covered a little of everything. Thanks for sharing this enjoyable story.

Miranda is a cheating SLUT which has NOTHING to do with lonely...rosie is a fucking FOOL

Considering the level of wealth involved, I felt the plot and behavior of the characters was probably fairly realistic.

rich and famous live and how they treat others with little or no respect because they are so far up themselves...just like him fucking any and every women whether married...engaged or single...to twonks like him who have no respect for anyone as long as he shags them....Miranda was also basically a cheating slut jumping in to bed with him ASAP....but some sort of regret took her back to her twat of an husband....pity the poor girl being shipped off to the good old US of A to have her child and then being told not to bring it home but leave it there...what sort of dumb bitch would do that just because the local asshole with money says so.....but...thankfully...he realised he had someone at home who loved him and cared for him...at least Miranda saw that and got them together and he then realised he needed to trust his workers to run the company...and stand back and enjoy life....even got his parents back together....overall a good little tale...

Romance? This is about as romantic as a note to the milkman.