All Comments on 'Tales of the "Pink Mist" Ch. 09'

A nice addition to the story. Seems a little disjointed to me, however. What was with those flash-backs and court communiques with regards to Quillan's academy accident? Was Quillan remembering them or was someone reviewing old records?

I know that they are relevant and important to the story in whatever grand scheme you've got cooked up, but as it is, all the bouncing around adds a small measure of confusion. For example, the second to last section, you indicate that the rescue team returned to the station, then in the very next section, you're back to having them attempting to GTFO from the Mongan planet.

Also, you gave us the impression that Twinkie had gotten blown up two sections before the end, but in the ending section, you have her alive and well piloting the escape craft, with Witchypoo tucked away possibly in the cargohold, after the last indication you gave us was that she was playing chicken with a hostile battlecruiser.

Like I said, there's probably some rhyme or reason for the way you have this setup, and all I can do is say "Hey, disjointed" and wait for the grand plan to reveal itself. Just don't take too long, okay? *lopsided grin*

I have to keep my readers on their toes. ;-)

The title of the chapter is, "Smoke and Mirrors." That should give you some little idea of what happened. Most of your questions will be answered in chapter 10.

Thanks for reading and commenting!

youve done it again! kicked some major ass and got out alive. twinkie kinda worried me there for a minute, but i thought, naw. not twinkie! musta shimmerpadded to the other ship after a self destruct or something. i liked the flash backs too. wasnt too sure where they were coming from tho. was it memories awakened in quillion while she was in wonderland with alice? loved the background anyways cos now we know details of her discharge.

I'm really loving this story. I particularly liked the sentient station idea. I'm really interested to see where you're going with that. I have some suspicions but I can hardly wait to know for sure!

Keep up the good work!

YOU like reading my stories. *I* like reading the feedback and comments.

Quiverclaw, in reference to your question about the flashbacks, one of the reader's comments about chapter 8 put the idea in my head as to why Quillan had sued the government (okay, he didn't just put the idea there, he straight-out asked about it).

Molieus, the station is going to play a pretty big part in the upcoming chapter.

Jedi_Khan, the average lifespan in the Prey Patrol is four months. Twinkie spent four years in the Prey Patrol. One doesn't last that long in that hazardous a job without SOME trickery. Your question about their escape will be answered in the next chapter, as well.

I LOVE YOU GUYS AND GALS!

Another excellent chapter, and I do have to admit that for a minute I had the 'not twinkie' reaction, but recovered quite nicely.. As to the 'disjointed' accusation for the story, I took it like a television episode where they subtly lead you to one conclusion before slapping a 'WRONG! ;9' sticker on your forehead..

With the AI addition to the station, which just makes sense, in this humble mortals opinion ... It does beg the question though of wether or not all the other ships of the fleet will be getting an OS upgrade? *chuckles*

I've probably rambled and babbled too much at this point. reading this after fourteen hours at work. So I will simply state the writing continues to drag me back looking for more chapters and rereading the old ones. Please keep them comming.

happy to have stumbled upon it, am in love with the romance going on between the ship(ai) and the captain :P

also nice to see a scifi story here that actually got a plot... and action... and romance ... and .. no really, great work there ;)

one thing that itched me a bit while reading through it though, and thats on a pure technical level, is that going from fusion to fission reactor would be more of a downgrade instead of an upgrade (fission is what we currently have available, fusion still is in research stage, but once commercially avaialble should prove a much higher energy output for a given reactor size)

that aside, cant await to hear more from the pink mist marauders ;)

This story never ceases to amaze me. I loved the way Quillan basically follows Alice down a cyber space rabbit hole!

targetdrone, you're dead on. In the author's notes at the beginning of this chapter is an acknowledgement to Nick. He pretty much bent me over his knee and gave me a good spanking. I kinda liked it, too.

You had me lost for at least half of this story. Twinkie was blowing up, witchypoo was sad. Then they were both fine. Theres random shit going on that just seems to come out of nowhere, then the scene changes. It just didnt flow at all for me

Something I noticed right now, but it's not just this story, it's done by lots of people:

Watching characters go through all the steps of a carefully prepared plan while having no idea what the plan is, just doesn't work. It's difficult to pull off well on TV, but just never works in literature. It's just useless information and you start to skim over the text to find the point where the plot advanced again.

Also, we already knew the story of the accident and what the results were. Reading a dramatic story when you know how it turns out also isn't entertaining.

For good action scenes, the reader has to know what is at stake and why certain things that happen become a problem. Don't have characters say "Oh this is not good", have the reader realize "This is not good". But for that, you have to know what the plan is and what other resources are at hand that could help to improvise.

this chapter wasnt up to ur usual standards but still good

also that little bird guy dint right the story. prolly dint read from the start. i read the hole thing again and couldnt find what he was talking about in the part about knowing about the accident. all i saw was the judges decision. i like the detell when she hit the drednaut and got out anyway to win the fight. that was cool.

and pointing out when shit goes wrong is also good. there are some peeple in the world who dont catch on real quick and need quillan or charleen or alice to go 'FUCKFUCKFCUK we're gonna die if we dont do somthing right now!'

i like this story a lot and cant wait for the next chapter.

i have a question tho. what was the machine starting up?

you had me at soft-serve ice cream machines dumping their contents on the floor...great story, hope the "Tales" continue.

Although chapter 9 was different...just saying.

Quillan is a lucky woman! A partner like Alice, that devises new "tools" to enhance their love and connection. First the retracting strap-on and now the neuro connection. Wow, what love they have for each other!

Flash backs, I was glad to get an insight into what happened to Quillan when she lost her little finger, I didn't find them confusing.

Battle scenes left me a little confused but even when I watch TV or films and battle scenes happen I get confused. Usually by the end of the movie or the next scene it becomes more clear. If I'm watching on DVD I will skip back and watch it with new eyes and a better understanding.

I'm really enjoying this story. Please continue to write more, I look forward to the next chapter...when you and it is ready. A fantastic meal is always worth waiting for ;-)

The general consensus seems to be that chapter 9 was a good tale overall, but was too jumbled to really keep one's interest. *scribbles a note to herself: NEVER DO THAT AGAIN!*

Out of all the email, feedback and comments (both here and in my writer's group) I've received about the story as a whole, the ice cream machine scene has gotten the most comments.

Every single writer in the history of writing has made mistakes along the line. While I try to keep mine (as do all writers) to a bare minimum, understand that I do this for fun. I'm not seeing a dime out of it (nor do I want to). These are purely my ramblings which I want others to read.

I read each and every single piece of feedback and suggestion, take the proper notes, and consider very carefully what to do about them. Many, many suggestions have already been implemented and I expect to use many more by the time the story ends.

Thanks for reading! Thanks for commenting! It means SO much to me!

Stay horny!

Love space opera. Love the story you are building.

Please telegraph the flashback more clearly next time.

Please keep up the good work.