All Comments on 'Talla's Fallen Temple Ch. 32'

Wonderful story, well worth a sequel!

I am underwhelmed with this epilogue. This novel needs to continue so it can satisfy your audience

This really feels like the end of act II, not the end of the story. As recently as chapter 30, I thought we were heading towards some sort of "Oh $#!+, we screwed up big time" ending leading into act III centered around fixing it. Having all the build up around their planning to take down the temple in Gern with no payoff is something of a let down. Maksa's research gets little more than a hand wave resolution. And worst of all, we never find out what the deal really is with Talla.

I can't help wondering of this some variation of real life writing the plot. After noticing the lower posting rate for the last few years, I've been worrying that the story might be abandoned before it was finished. Perhaps life has taken xtorch to a place where he can't dedicate the time needed to continuing the story, but he took the time to at least give us an ending. I hope that was the case.

I enjoyed the story until the ending which I guess was revealed in chapter 31. Because Chapter 32 did not allow the promise of achieving a better society to take place, nor a reason for it’s failure. The last chapter showed the goal of a better society was still possible, but also that you were not going to continue the journey to find out. I know being a great writer and sacrificing the time and effort for no physical gain can be very hard. I am sorry this story is finished.

... I'll publish the epilogue in the same file as the last chapter. Less confusion and expectation that way. I meant it as a wrap-up for this novel and a lead-in to their direction in the next one, very similar to what I did with the last novel (which, again, was contained in the last chapter, as opposed to its own file).

Very well written. Thank you for the regular releases. Looking forward to more.

MIKE: As always, I really enjoy the world you have created and am fascinated by how its structure and details have unfolded.

I assume some of the disappointed commentary from others is a result of the "unfinished business" that often occurs at the end of many act 2s. Don't sweat it.

Definitely looking forward to a new part of this world unfolding. What is a sygil/how much authority does it hold/who goes on the adventure/a temple for communicating with the gods? And beyond the world itself, it will be interesting to see how the characters change and grow due to their experiences. Or how much we learn about some characters that has been hidden up until now.

Can't wait for the next novel. Good luck and speedy writing!

Excellent!

Typically, an epilogue comes at the end of a story; a quick jump into the future to create some feeling of closure for the reader, if needed.

So, the slower production rate lately, combined with mention of an epilogue, led me to think the tale of Talla and Zhai was ending.

Now, as I read the comments, it seems like what is ending is Book 2, with the intent of a Book 3, to come.

If so, then all is OK with the world. If not, well... there's no sense going into it IF a book 3 is planned.

With that said, I think the end of Book 2 could use some work. I had been playing catch-up through the first 27-28 chapters, able to read them one after another. When I caught up, I lost the flow of the story, waiting for new releases. I think that effected the impact of the final 4-5 chapters, some, but not entirely.

This chapter seemed to have more strength than the last few. The battle scene was fairly well done, though the gate scene was a bit 'messy', and somewhat confusing.

Your world is complex, the divisions, (3? or 4?), the levels in each. By the time I read this chapter, I couldn't remember them. It is the challenge of serially releasing a work of this complexity.

It might be best to consider waiting to release, and then submit the entirety of Book 3 all at once.

For me to fairly, and fully evaluate this book, I think some time needs to pass, so I can read Book 2, again, as a novel is intended to be read, in a single pass.

Thanks for all your hard work, and for sharing your world. I'll give this a re-read in a few months, and hopefully, be able to give you some more coherent feedback.

I just realized, I sidetracked myself, above, and never got to the point I wanted to make. I would suggest you communicate a bit more pointedly on your bio page, (with a note in the comments when you do, so readers will think to look at your bio for info), regarding plans for continuation of a story, ie: the present confused status of this being the end of the story, or just the end of Book 2 of 3.

Regards,

GeoD

That's a good idea, actually. I wouldn't mind being able to go back over the first few chapters so the whole things glues together more nicely, especially where it relates to the story arcs of various interesting characters.

If I were to do that, though, would I have publish somewhere else? Is it common for people to release whole books at once here? I'm not sure.

That said. Yes, I plan a third novel. Talla and Zhai have to figure what they can do to make their world a more hospitable place, how to deal with the tyranny of the Temple even as they realize the immediate alternative isn't that great either.

I want to explore the rest of the world, especially the areas outside Temple control, and show how those people interact at the fringes of the Temple's domain.

I mostly update things through my twitter account (@xaviertorch) but I can update the bio page next time around too, if that's where people go.

Now that you've clarified that there is third book coming, I'll happily take back my previous comment. I thought that you were planning to end the story of Talla and Zhair'lo here. With a third novel to look forward to, I feel much better about this being the ending to novel two.

Love the characters but have so many unanswered questions. Fingers crossed that there is more coming.

Thanks for writing.

The last bit is where they say they're going to try to talk to the gods.

I always thought I was good at communicating, but I guess I didn't make it clear enough that was a lead in to the next book. Hmm. I'll try harder next time I'm writing (at least) a trilogy.

What would be the name of your third novel?

Any update on next book

Kind of like it like this, partly closing in the story, partly leaving things open for the life to continue outside the story.

@xtorch

You promised another book. Where is it

And I'm still waiting for the next part of Talla's and Zhair'los story. Xtorch please continue their tale. Chris

I'll see what I can do :-)

I read something like ¾ of this story many moons ago and some minor life upheaval left the remainder unread. The last 3 evenings I've read it from beginning to end and glad I did.

I think what impresses me most about this is the novel (at least to me) concept. Every story idea I come up with I keep thinking of derivative, with that and other issues I never end up writing them.

If you ever do revisit the story I will in no doubt enjoy the additional slow-paced meander into this world and it's secrets.

Also found myself wondering was the men's equivalent divisions would be and what 11 upgrades in 'without' would look like, padre zen!

Great story, i loved it and i hope for more

This is a very ambitious effort. Well conceived and well executed!

In response to Xtorch's above comment, It would be lovely if you were to start on Talla pt. 3 after THD is finished.

I just finished the story. Really enjoyed it. Thanks for writing it. Hope you write more of it. There are so many loose ends.. Really would like to know what happens next..

Great job on this series. Looking forward to see book 3 dropping chapters.

Posted earlier, but for some reason Literotica never displayed, so lets try again. . .

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“Hard to believe that the same person wrote this as the other stories . . .The other [Stories – ie: Talia's Temple], well, least said soonest mended."--

- A back-handed slap by one of the Anonymous Two Hundred Dollars commenters.

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Seriously?! I was one of the many people who had been waiting patiently for the return of Taila's Temple, I must confess, i was deeply disappointed when Xtorch announced that Taila's temple was going to take a back seat to 200 dollars, but I respected that Xtorch was following his Muse, so I stayed silent...spanking is not my thing, although I was able to enjoy it in Tallia’s temple because it was only one flavor of the entire pallet. I saw the enthusiasm of the spanking fetish aficionado’s and i was happy for them. It never occurred to me to trash his work because, "spanking was not my thing"

I have read a number of the chapters of Two Hundred Dollars and unlike you i can see the same thoughtful, empathic qualities of Xtorches writing styles. Yes, I very much hope he is getting better, practice make perfect and it is clear he has made a conscious, obvious attempt to continue his writing experience.

At risk of being politically incorrect - good for him!!!

He is a very gifted writer, and yes, with practice he's getting even better, is that really such a sin?

I know Xtorch felt he left Tallia's Fallen temple on a note of semi-closure, but anyone familiar with the series would recognize that he left many questions unanswered, and some of the answered questions we got gave birth to new questions, opening many other doors. (which is often the sign of good storytelling.)

The Goddess of Brishanna, being relatively old and not very talented in the goddesses magic, is going to die within the year, and Zhairlo, who almost died last time is their only realistic hope.

Its pretty clear that despite the religious theme, the Goddess of Gern doesn't just operate by crossing their fingers and praying, the Goddess takes charge and dictates, and her subordinates MAKE it happen.

If the Goddess of Bershen fails to establish a stable environment, There is a very realistic possibility that they may have to go though this again, in a year, and the goddess will plan accordingly, its been at least a year and since Tallia's set her service for 5 time a week (the maximum), she will probably be due for multiple upgrades soon . . . at least in theory.

In reality, Gern’s Goddess will realize that Zhairlo, barely survived and that he only survived because of Tallia . . . after all a certain Adept of Iron, under the Gern’s Goddesses direct orders, defied Breshenna’s Godess and opened the sealed door for Talia.

Talia has almost no upgrades besides Abundance, how was she able to keep up with Form's caravan? . . . clearly no one expected her too . . . so how did she do it? Purely with her formidable, yet clearly limited innate reserve, which might not be enough for next year.

If they want to maximize, their chance of success, they are going to need to upgrade Talia, give her the abilities that do not draw upon her general inborn reserve.

It's pretty obvious she can handle doubles upgrades without a problem and giving her doubles in anything (except maybe abundance) would get her up to speed in less than a year. how they will justify that publicly, will be interesting but they have already proven to be morally flexible when the situation presents. This would be our equivalent of national security. I'm sure so long as form and sweetness get corresponding upgrades for their women it will all balance out. The second of abundance declared Tallia a "sister" although this was originally a mere formality, she has clearly subsequently taken it more seriously, since the incident with form and the expedition to breshenna, which they reluctantly allowed her to undertake, and further backed her play by providing Shanada.

No-one really didn't expect her to succeed.

I bet the leading sisters of Abundance, feel vindicated now – they might not be able to acknowledge it publicly - but there is a certain satisfaction in knowing you bucked the odds and won, especially when that victory helped save uncounted thousand of lives. That feeling is often contagious.

I think it's pretty obvious by now sweetness/pussy have been breeding better children to increase the Temples control of the cities and surrounding regions.

A Responsible Goddess will want to Upgrade Tallia, because Talia/Zhalio might have to re-engage if Breshannas queen fails, and she just might.

Its also obvious that the temple, despite it official declared track, has different secret tracks for different people; Unbroken Virgin - yup we got a track for you - just stay in the convent dormitories, we'll get a seal breaker in here any month now . . . yep, aaaaannnnnyyyyyy month now, btw-feel free to pleasure your yourselves while we find a seal breaker, they do pop up from time to time doncha’ know . . . Oh! Officer track why didn't you say so, we got your upgrades right here, please wait right here by the red carpet, be with you in just a moment.

It seems so clear . . .Talia need to be upgraded, and plans need to be implemented before the years end . . . except Talia and Zhailo also bear a seal from another Goddess . . . . a seal that might just set them free.

Can't wait to see how you resolve this!

PS: Saw some interesting data that might go well with your take on "Within", including the effects of withdraw from women of Within. "Im looking at you . . . . enraged Brisharians . . ". Interesting stuff.

The key hormone involved might be Copulins, (or even a strengthened mutated form of Copulins,) and the method of transmission is sneakily insidious, and the purported potential effects sound similar to effects of Frank Herbert’s Bene Gessurite imprinters like Margot Fenrig in the initial Dune and later chronicals. No wonder, Within is almost every initiates dream choice, (Unless you follow your heart like Tallia did.)

Consider doing a search on Copulins, take what you need, throw away the rest. . .

Thank you for a wonderful world and series. - SSS

MIKE: I made a huge mistake and somehow clicked on this story again. Whoops...it totally sucked me in like it held perfection in facial. I've blown off some calls and a few work things the last few days as I've just been addicted to it all over again.

Frankly, I loved it even more this time. While I've always been able to follow the divisions and ranks and characters like Zhai can identify the number of abundance upgrades, the reread has allowed me to see little things and subtle bit's of foreshadowing that I missed the first time. For instance, I thought Endowment was working on gunpowder on the first read, but now realize it was "sorceress training ", if you will. And I thought of Maksa s latest research more about a genetic trait being passed on to men and glossed over the actual enraged woman. And as an econ guy, I was delighted by the "who knows that facial did with the coins at the bazaar" magic way to make the economy work without having to explain it.

Maybe this weekend I will respond to some of the previous comments to add my two cents, but I'm afraid I might not hold my tongue pointing out all the things my fellow commenters misunderstood. It is a rich, complex, detailed story (part of the reason Iove it) but if if you read Harry Potter then you should be able to follow this.

Torch, I have faith that you will give us more of these exceptional characters in the amazing world you have built that has everything except dragons "because clearly, that would be ridiculous". But even more so, I look forward to the societal implications of the next piece. The question of who is using who and who is protecting who and societal cohesion versus free will to make your own choices that can result in suffering for you or others is particularly relevant right now. It has been an interesting way to weigh the various character decisions and helps add even more layers to this world and this story.

But mostly, I really look forward to the third installment of your story. :D

Torch, read both Talla's and $200. Great job on all of them, We all want to know what happens after the Fall! Get typing!

Wow, this has been the best story I’ve ever read on Literotica. The complexity and storyline was amazing. I come here for smut damnit and I end up getting sucked into a gripping story from an author with some substantial writing skills! I usually read historical fiction from authors like Patrick O’Brian and Bernard Cornwell… then when I get randy, turn to Literotica for some good ole’ fashioned smut! This was the best of both worlds however!

I bet that if this story was heavily edited, it could be published mainstream. Jean Auel with her Clan of the Cave Bear books managed to tread that line with some pretty racy stuff and still sell a lot of books through her Earth’s Children series.

What a unique world you’ve created here and I’d love to see more. I really enjoyed the special relationship Z’hai had with his squad mates and their loyalty to him. We never got to see a private “special” reunion between Talla and Z’hai either. I really hope I can see more, a third book that explores this and other adventures.

The thing that irritated me most in all this was seeing all the anonymous comments demanding and begging for updates. Don’t rush a good writer guys unless you’re satisfied with sub-par content. You want the good stuff? Just be patient and let the man make his art.

Please continue this series xtorch!

Yes, I totally have to finish this story.

At least get to the third novel.

I already have a few new characters and important setting crafted. It's just a matter of finishing the Laura's Story Arc of Two Hundred Dollars More and then devoting my attention back to these characters.

Thank you so much, everyone, for writing such thorough and thoughtful comments.

@XavierTorch

SOOOoooooo frustrated With Patreon.

I can buy and full 4 enchilada diner with upgraded fajita meat filling, all the trimmings, extra Queso on the side (for the chips), Desert and a Margarita - Mui GRANDE (ie: the BIG one) with my debit card, but GOD FORBID I pay 1$/Month (which I otherwise find quite reasonable btw). Patreon has no option to pay, for example, a one time $18 for 18 months, so card company will not allow because its a re-occurring payment. They did HAPPILY OFFER to sell me ANOTHER card, that will charge me $4 per payment, so xtorch can get his $1. WTF. Why would patreon not allow an option that allows the Creator to get 100%. Not mad at you Xtorch, just disgusted at the sheer geed of financial institutions. I could understand a 6% fee, but 80% fee? VISA sure isn't going to write: "Tallas Frontier Temple." Patreon could totally offer the work around, but they don't care to - why should they. Can't believe I spent so much time (Online, On-Phone first navigating Automated call center, then FINALLY get a human being) - just to hit a dead end. LOVE your Talla Series, just extremely frustrated.

Ah, that's awkward. I'm sorry you have to go through that.

Maybe I should add a $10 tier and a $20 tier for people who just want to make one time donations? That's not hard to do if that would make your life easier.

Meanwhile, I am producing new chapters of Book 3, which is over there on Patreon just in advance of any publishing I do here.

Thanks for reading and trying to donate, though!