All Comments on 'Taylor & Paxton Ch. 01'

for fuck's sake, please hurry with the next chapter. I have never come so hard in my life before, please hurry.

Try to keep it in the same person. You from I to him a few times and that kind of ruined things for me. Still turned me on but didn't get me to cum.

but I was going to make the same comment about tenses. Edit.

The abrupt change from first to third person kind of ruined it for me too. I enjoyed the topic and do hope you will keep on writing.

Where was Cadence while all this was going on? I kept expecting her to appear and join them while they were in full thrunge. This, and the constant change from 1st to 3rd person reduced my scoring from (what would have been) a 5 to a 3.

You clearly show the story line but it needs a little padding - a little more detail. put some more meat on the bones. Very often I criticise authors for including too much unhelpful or unecessary information for no reason other than to 'pad out' a story but I really feel that you need to provide more periferal information.

That said, I liked it and look forward to future chapters and other stories.

Keep writing and please listen to criticism, whether or not you take it on board - consider it as constructive advice.

Good luck,

Junesmate.

Firstly, I really enjoyed it, so well done.

That said, yes there was the tense issue and a few more proof-reading errors (e.g. missing connecting words) that detracted from your piece.

However, these are simple issues that can be remedied easily. Keep at it! I look forward to reading your next story!

if he was uncomfortable around her after the trip home and especially after the incident in the kitchen he sure would hang around her he would avoid her at all costs possibly going to a friends house until his flight way to unrealistic and the jumping from one point of view to another was very distracting you get a 2 out of 5 just for knowing how to turn on the computer

DBRS

Keep writing

if he was really bothered as you say then it seems he would have found a way to avoid and ignore her until he could catch his plane. as is it just crys STUPID and UNREALISTIC.

The switching from first to third person didn't make sense.

way too hot to stop here. you have to keep going-Please?