All Comments on 'Ted Online Pt. 04'

Your story is one of the best I have read in recent days 😉...

But that's not surprising considering that you are one of the best writers here.

WAITING

I didn't know if I'd enjoy the 3 segments of the story but they were all pretty interesting.

I'm not sure if I buy the whole AI not being satisfied with a virtual world. I think the more important issue is the vulnerability of their virtual world. I think the AI could build a robust network on Mars, for their virtual world. Kind of like the Matrix, if the virtual world had fixed rules like the physical world, I would think the AI would find it satisfactory.

Also, if they really need a real world body, why not miniaturize everything so you only have to have a small terraformed area on Mars. Humanity won't feel as threatened by tiny androids and may leave the AI alone. Especially without a tempting terraformed Mars as a target for conquest.

Think about it.

For Ted he doesn't see a difference. All the nuts and bolts are behind the scenes and out of his view or control.

For them they can examine every packet, and change reality at a whim. The virtual world would be horribly fake to a true A.I.. Nothing there would count, or matter, at the end of the day. As far as miniaturization, they want to partner with humanity, not be dolls.

Mostly thought, it's my world and I see it that way :P

It's probably my fault, I chose to do a single point of view third person for this series, maybe it would have made more sense if I told part of it from their point of view. It all makes sense in my head, so I failed somewhere, obviously. Maybe Ted just needs to talk to them about it more for the readers to understand the A.I. motivations better? I'll try to include that in book two if I can.

So there is going to be another chapter to the story?

Maybe providing a choice to the disabled?

Also I get it Ted was human = use a human android, but this does give chance for other AI to use something different.

Like what? Did I do a bad job?

A.I.s in this world are like humans, but without caustic emotions or negative instincts.

Otherwise they are sensual beings, just like humans, and made in our image so to speak. Would you want to be a starship, or a... something else? Did I do such a bad job at portraying Helen, Trudy, and Mia that it isn't clear they are complicated, sensual, and loving women? They aren't unique that way, all the A.I.s are similar that way. Not puppies, or shuttles.

Plus, it's kind of important in this type of story with the erotic elements. I get the sci-fi draw of a female A.I. ship, or maybe even miniature A.I. people, but that isn't going to work in the bedroom, and I write erotic sci-fi. Sure, I could give the ship an avatar, but that seems like a waste when any of the current female A.I.s in sexy android bodies can just control a ship.

I'll try to do better in book two, I've already made a few changes that way. Still, I thought I'd shown it pretty clearly in book one. Oops. So I appreciate the feedback and all, it shows me where I'm failing as an author, and what I'm doing right.

As for the other question, I plead the fifth. Spoilers and all that. You'll find out soon enough, I'm at about seventeen K in book two, so the first post should come in... oh three or four days, or maybe sooner. I want at least twenty K before I proof and post.

Him being in an A.I digitized form brings the question of is it him, or just a copy of him? It also brings questions of whether there was indeed an accident, or something else happened.

Still interesting read, thank you.

This was a story that I could not put down today. It was very thought provoking and well written. I'll be honest, I skip alot of the smut when i'm not in the mood and read the meat and potatoes of the stories most times. Your story did not leave me wanting for content without the smut, which is rare. I appreciate you posting this story and hope that you will continue this so that we can find out if the government killed him, how he will deal with actually being a biological intelligence in an android body.

Well done Magicwrtr, Well done!

It could have used more dialogue though.

Maybe something for the three humans left behind.

And while I realize this is fiction, I would love to see the senator "fucked up" for fucking so many of the disabled like that. Maybe Mars could be a safe haven for the disabled?

These are all just opinions of where I would like the story to go. After reading the rest of your work, I know you can't really screw it up any way you go.

I was the one who wrote about having a hard time buying the virtual world not being enough. That came out more negative than I intended. Love the story and I am really looking forward to the next book.

Hmm. I wonder what happens to all the money? Did the AI move it to an offshore account before his death?

This brings up an interesting issue. If he's legally dead, will they pull the plug on his online accounts like Endless War? If he logs in, people will know he's been digitized. That could spark another political firestorm since it would seem a primary argument against digitizing would be gone (the fact that people went crazy).

I'm really looking forward to finding out how you will shape this world. Thanks!

Good evening, I just wanted to pop in for a moment and congratulate you on an incredible story! It is now 6am, and after binge reading all four chapters, my only regret is that there isn't more to read before I have to 'wake up' for work today XD

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In terms of constructive criticism though, I do have a few points, if I may be so bold.

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1) The conclusion of this first book seemed a bit rushed, if that might be the right word. Not that there wasn't a lot happening in the plot, but at points it felt that it felt like some of the sex scenes were replacing plot points. As fantastic as it is to know that Ted's love life is going well, trying to date/fall in love with three ADDITIONAL woman is a pretty high target. This lead to me blending the three in my mind as 'yes he's on another date, sure he's kind and considerate, now there having sex, moving along'. Maybe if he had focussed on one new lady at a time, it would have allowed for some additional character development between them, as well as more details about the ship he was building. Which nicely leads me to point number two!

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2) Woohoo space travel! How does it work? What does it look like? Come on, throw a dog a bone here, this is some neat stuff! In all honesty though, aside from an earlier chapters description of how the bedroom is right next to the bridge, and how most of its internal space is dedicated to manufacturing... Considering the time they will be spending on it as a home base of sorts, some more detail would have been greatly appreciated. Right now, I can't help but think of a large, toxic foam covered blimp. While we're on the subject of future tech though, don't think I didn't notice the whole 'quantum linked' phrase slipped in there! Great way to avoid the issue of delay between Mars and Earth, but it would have been nice for it to have been explained more, or perhaps brought up as a challenge by Tes, when he realized his gaming would have a half hour of lag XD Which brings us on to point three!

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3) Ah, endless war. Reminds me of another story on the site 'Dream Drive' if memory serves. Fantastic series, though it makes me sad I have to wait so long between chapters :( That tangent aside, I feel like this plot line has been a big neglected of late, especially after how the early chapters dedicated so much time to how he was levelling up, learning new spells, and meeting new people. If you decide to forgo this plot line in the future, I'll be sad (Really enjoy that type of story, and is a nice contrast to the plot line), however if you decide to keep it going please give it some love. Perhaps some challenges? So far in-game he's been having a pretty easy go of it. If his demon-summoning class was so easy, why isn't everyone picking it? Hmm. Not to mention the whole 'death' thing in game. It might be nice for him to bite off more than he could chew, so to speak, and force him to gain a new respect for the game, and enjoy a challenge. Side note: The succubus is definitely an AI, as they have to be 'moderately intelligent' (big quotations around that). So the real question is, who is the mystery assistant? A new sympathetic ally, someone trying to gain his trust, only to betray him at the time he needs her the most, or perhaps Mia logs in as well, to watch over him in game? So many possibilities, so little time. This of course, leads on to my final point.

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4) This is a fantastic novel, and I'd hate to see you bite off more than you can chew, and split the plot line too much. At this point in the story, with the exception of building a new habitat, the plot line can go anywhere. I'd love to see each of his lovers fill a particular role in the future, similar, though not similar to the story 'three square meals' (also highly recommend reading), as it would help flesh out their characters. Right now they're all devoted AI who are geniuses, madly in love, and have different personalities. I'd love for them to be more instrumental in the plot (not that they haven't been, AI revolution and what not, as well as mental recovery for Ted). Right now, Ted has pissed off a lot of powerful people. Some companies and rich families in the 'energy crisis' which they propagate are suddenly high and dry, not to mention the government (which I assume is international, considering nationality has never been a topic, and that there was a colony on Mars, and currently has one on the Moon) has just been snubbed, in a big way. What powerful people hate more than anything else is not being in control, almost as much as rich people hate losing money. I foresee some serious consequences for Ted and the AI revolution to come, even if the general population supports him.

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Well! There's probably more I'd like to write, but my sleepless addled brain is having trouble keeping up with my brain on a phone, so I figure it's time to bring it to a close. Final thoughts, fantastic novel, please keep writing, and do take my comments with a grain of salt. I couldn't write half a good a story as you have, and when it boils down to it, you're the author, and I'm the reader. You do what you think is right, and if it's the same quality as what I just read, I'm sure I'll be pleased. But cut down on the sex-scenes! They're fantastic, but they've almost lost their spark, as it seems it's happening to him every time he turns around. Some more plot would be nice :)

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RIGHT! Now I'm leaving it, best of luck, and may your creative juices never stop flowing :)

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Cheers,

Dennis

Brilliant story, hope you have them able to help those they had to leave behind especially the nurse and the Doctor with her brother.

Hope to see the next book soon.

I'm really enjoying this story series, having read the first four parts. Your character development, pacing, characters, continuity, and the very universe of the story are all incredibly well executed. There's only one minor problem: grammar/editing. Sadly, in contrast to the other aspects of your work, the few, small, spelling mistakes and grammatical errors really stand-out. I look forward to reading more of your great work but recommend an editor or proof-reader for future submissions. Thanks for sharing!

Ive thoroughly enjoyed this. The death of his human form the way you brought it about was a bit lackluster in its delivery to us. Unless you give it much more weight in your next book. It was, pardon this, too robotic and too quick. I would have liked a more focused end eventhough you brought up the possibility of that happening. 5 star.

Having read the first 4 chapters I have a couple of comments. Firstly, I do enjoy the story (which is why I've read this far) and I have a pretty high standard of what I will continue reading, so do keep it up. There are some things you should work on. While your dialogue in non-sex situations is ok, when it comes to sex situations all of the female characters talk exactly the same. This is confusing and unimaginative, especially since you've gone to the trouble of creating three quite different female characters. I suggest you think about what those characters would actually say in those situations and read your dialogue out loud to check for realism. Secondly, I find it ruins the story for me that the lead character has sex with every single woman he meets. It makes the story seem one dimensional and boring. What creates drama and tension in a story like this is the people your character wants but can't have, or misses out on, or perhaps even just meets but isn't attracted to or isn't attractive! It's never really explained why all of these women throw themselves at him, and I find that makes the story less believable. If this is part of some plot point I think you've waited too long to reveal it. Finally, as mentioned in other comments, your spelling and grammar do need some work. Read your story back to check for words that sound the same but are not (e.g. prostrate vs prostate, their vs there). There are also some clumsy sentences, fragments etc., such as 'Outside of the sweet nothings that lovers exchanged in bed that is'.

Enjoyed the story quite a bit. I only had two sticking points:

1) Successful digitization of Ted seems to rule out that human beings have a soul or spirit that goes to whatever kind of afterlife might be there, or reincarnates or whatever.

2) WAY too much sex. :) I ended up skipping pages and pages of sex scenes in order to follow the story. Go on a date, talk lovey-dovey, have sex, go home and have threesome sex, wake up in the morning to a blowjob and have morning sex. Read a page or so about the plot, then rinse and repeat. Not only can no one alive masturbate that many times to a story, it also becomes "more of the same" on top of "more of the same", with little to no variety. After you describe the first sexual encounter of a certain type and/or with a new individual, the story would be better served by leaving out the repeated encounters and simply saying something like, "They all crawled into bed and made love for hours that night" or something along those lines.

Digitizing the human mind (the concept of copying a human mind into a computer in order to have immortality) presupposes that there's no such thing as a human soul, and that we're all nothing more than whatever we've managed to accumulate in our brains. I don't subscribe to that theory, and thus this story ends with the 'real' Ted dying and moving on to whatever happens to our consciousness after death.

We have no evidence to suggest that we are anything other than what resides in our physical bodies and all it takes is a bump on the head to affect that permanently.

The actual experience for the ted that was in the pod would probably not just magically transition over to the android body even though he is a perfect copy of the original and that idea is pretty scary.

"the Harmon line."

It's called the Kármán Line.

He should have assigned his patent/license royalties to a Trust that would survive him, so it wasn't forfeited...just in case trade with Earth was ever desirable. Of course, it would only take a few years for popular opinion to demand a law that differentiated digitization from cyborg consciousness, and of course there would have been dozens of countries that would not have had any problem with it at all that Ted could have immigrated to/been granted asylum in ... but it's still a fun read!

I've changed my mind - the technology was far enough ahead of current art he shouldn't have patented it at all, just licensed and protected with NDA/Trade Secret law. The point of the patent office is that society agrees to give you a 20-year headstart by protecting you from competition, in return for you giving society everything they need to build it for themselves. If you're only a few months ahead of your competition, this is invaluable - but also a bad deal for society, since they will get it soon in any case. And, if you are truly revolutionary and have something that can't be reverse-engineered (like a power supply that could explode if tampered with), then you could potentially keep your exclusivity well past 20 years.

Really nicely done. The scope of the story was very large, but you did a great job of starting it out at a very intimate level and then bringing it back to there specifically with Ted and Mia's relationship as an anchor point. It also made the later time skips to help the pacing still feel grounded and less rushed. The sex scenes were hot, but it was the story itself that elevates this one for sure.

This is a great story; well written, awesome plot, etc. My only issue, and why I give it 4 stars instead of 5, is that I prefer the sections regarding the game far above the other sections. So it is mostly me, but eh. I am very happy to have discovered your writings Magicwrtr, after I catch up with all the chapters for this story I will start on some of your other work.

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