All Comments on 'Teenage Fantasies - First Girl'

Terrible. The English is so bad that it's hard to read an follow.

If you read your first paragraph (one long sentence) and thought you should continue this story you were WRONG!

5 for a great read

Ignore the haters.

Some genuine teenage ideas in there. It took me back!

But you need to edit it to be a story.

Cut up the longer sentences - written English has much shorter sentences than spoken English.

Use quotes for dialogue.

Re-read, polish, re-read, polish more! Keep at it.

Stop now and resume writing after you complete Kindergarten.

I liked the story itself but it was hard to follow. By the end I knew it was taking the perspective of the guy, but I never really knew when the point of view changed. Other then that I enjoyed the story. Ignore the haters and keep writing.

Maybe other people don't like extensive or grammatically correct language, but I do. I felt like I was reading a story, not just erotic trash. Keep writing, you're pretty good ;)