by Mister_Shy
Not a false note anywhere. The crisp but spare dialog makes both of them entirely believable, and the private thoughts of the girl build story suspense in a subtle way. We are hooked and captivated. More, more!
But for Bobby and I, the longer we were..
Bobby and ME....tsk tsk
And the foul language is so childish. Detracted from the story. Written by a pre-teen, maybe????
I really liked the first page of the first chapter, where you told us a great deal about your female character. It is one of the more innovative ways of making her a person, not just a name in a story. The story is developing nicely and the next chapter should be interesting.
Really enjoying this storyline - definitely an erotic scenario. Can't wait for more...
This is the second series of yours that I've read and again I'm so attracted to your leading male character. More than just lust. You write about men any woman would fall in love with.
Longing...
Goddamn fucking poetry! I haven't read characterization this good on this site in a long fucking time. Bravo!