All Comments on 'Telos Ch. 09'

I enjoy it but I am confused

are there any female-like of these mysterious beings like the clean shaven man?

Okay, so a while back someone told me that they felt like they were reading this through a kaleidoscope. I suppose its unfair to tease people with a mystery they aren't given a way to solve but, well, I'm completely aware of that. The story is completely unfair to a reader trying to understand the background. I write fiction based on some challenge I pose to myself. One Little World was made to explore BDSM where the dom isn't some kind of superman. Telos is Mind Control stripped of the need to explain everything, more magical realism than cape comics. The clues are missing because I'm trying to see how well I can write style over substance

Nonetheless I appreciate that people are invested in the mystery so I'm writing this to fill in the things I don't think fit into the narrative itself. If you like the mystery or the style in and of itself feel free to skip this.

The nameless men.

They're inhuman and supernatural beings, obviously. In the blond man's rant we learn that they were tasked with improving the world. When they fell short of utopia they believed they had failed. Their superiors however declare that the job was a success. Both the blond man and the clean shaven man allude to a) hierarchy and b) their own lack of free will, they are incapable of going against their nature. They blond man will always try to heal (although he began to see death as mercy) and the clean shaven made will always try to organize and lead. That lead to disaster.

Having a need to improve the world and no concept of free will the cognitive dissonance of having to respect freedom drove many of them insane. They rebelled and were cast out, most of the rebels dying in the process, as the clean shaven man mentions. The survivors reached Earth and tried to start again without the limitations put on them before. Millennia of failure to achieve perfection caused the rebels to factionalize. Some wanted to start over. Some wanted to exercise more direct influence. Finally, Laura's interference escalated the division into outright war.

Because they're a particular mythological reference none of them are female. I suppose strictly speaking they should be sexless but that doesn't really fit the erotica angle.

Telos

In philosophy telos is ultimate metaphysical purpose, the thing that the nameless men think humanity has sacrificed for free will. Laura notes telos is probably what drove the nameless men mad. They understand their place in the universe so they know with absolute conviction that they have fallen short. The goal is so extreme that they will always fail.

This is the central conflict of the story. The characters are variously made to chose between freedom and purpose. Obviously Grace and Amy are coerced, though Amy ultimately does make her own decision to "protect and serve". Laura's mind isn't altered directly but she is forced to see things from the perspective of the nameless men, not great for one's emotional health. The nameless men do much the opposite as they reject clarity of purpose for what they think is right.

(Like I've said, pretentiousness is just part the literary/intellectual tradition I come from.)

I loved the story. Don't think you needed the long explanation, you made what was happening clear providing the reader actually reads all the parts.

You may want to work on your editing however, there were a few times when you named the wrong character confusing Amy and Laura for example or putting words in the wrong order.

I'm no grammar nazi but considering the depth of the piece you've written it does detract significantly from the effect when you skip words and get names wrong. But despite that still a very enjoyable read.

Hily shot (look, when I make a typo, I run with it).

My favorite thing about this story is how little you told us. The nature of these creatures—fallen angels being the easiest guess—is never outright spoken. We're left to wonder.

This is basically the happiest ending we could have hoped for. It's very elegantly set up. Honestly, I don't think I've ever said this before about a Literotica story, but this could work as a published erotic novel with a bit of editing (particularly around the start). Nice work. I want more.

I never thought I would learn so much about God and the nature of creation from an erotic fictional story, but wow. You have a really cool perspective and I'm glad you're sharing it through your writing.

It's rare to find quality on a porn site.

Your control of the English language is mesmerizing. I can't say I've ever seen someone effectively mix eroticism with horror and mystery so effectively. Amazing job.