All Comments on 'Temptation Ch. 03'

don't keep us waiting

Can't wait to see what happens next!

The last half of the chapter was better than the first. You write lust very well. Now we’re seeing the good writer. But you’re not perfect. You need to have someone edit your stuff before you present it. It would help with the repetition issues and the typos are often distracting.

Fiercefully- I don’t think that’s a word…

“Writing pornographic novels while cocking” haha, that typo was kind of amusing, though

“she was definitely female. Anyone who could produce such a specimen to torment the earthly females was bound to be a female herself” this is a perfect example of why your use of the word female and male are annoying. How many times does the word female appear in the sentence. 3 times too many. You need a thesaurus and an editor. Nick also called Amy woman at least 5 times.

“The most obnoxious and annoying male she had ever had the misfortune of meeting” there it is again

“brother-substitute” He’s her brother’s best friend; he’s annoying; he’s arrogant. We get it.

“I have prepared some sandwiches as well so help yourself to as many as you would like.” This is too proper for dialogue. Nick doesn’t talk like this. He’s also more nonchalant than polite .i.e. “I made some sandwiches to, so if you want some… y’know….”

Also, you should know that you should NEVER pour water on a stove fire. It doesn’t put it out. In fact it usually makes it worse. Trust me on this one…. However, the water thing could turn out as a useful plot tool. When Amy throws the water on the open heat source and the flumes only plume upwards, that’s when Nick slams through the door, deftly removes the pot/pan from the stove and covers it with a lit (which is what you’re supposed to do.) or he can have a fire extinguisher. Either way, he’s a cop who’s bound to know more about fire safety than she and right at that moment, he’s in cop mode-which is endearing and sexy.