by writemarksmith
Very nicely constructed introductory chapter. Playfully keeping the reader interested while developing a familiarity with the main character. I am anxiously awaiting the next chapter in this writers seduction.
Please,take a few minutes or even better, have someone else take a few minutes and check your story. More than once the names were wrong and it just appears sloppy when that happens. Also, check tenses... Story idea is good. Lots of possibilities just tighten up the construction though.