All Comments on 'Tender Afternoon'

Writing dialogue without quote marks is difficult to do successfully. You were not successful.

And worse, you used 'he said', and 'she asked', and again, without quote marks. Geez.

Difficult to read and mostly wasn't worth it when I could.

Thank you for your candor, Anon. This piece is my second attempt at writing erotic stories. You've convinced me I have a lot of work in front of me.

Though you do have a lot of GUM (grammar, usage, mechanics) ways to go, it was still pretty good. It was very funny, yet still erotic for me. I look forward to reading more of your works!