All Comments on 'Terra Byte'

Good evening,

I normally try to keep my comments as up-beat as possible, because posting your writings online takes a lot of courage, knowing how savage the online community can be. The last thing someone needs is an anonymous nobody complaining and criticism. For that reason, I'll try to keep my comments as constructive as possible, but I'll get the elephant out of the room right now, I didn't enjoy the story.

Whelp, that disclaimer out of the way, now for my opinions:

1) This feels more like notes of a potential plot line than a developed story - I felt next to no connection with the characters, there was no backstory, environment creation, or real conflict in the story. With some effort, you could probably make something out of this, but as it stands, it feels more like disjointed plot points than a flowing story line.

2) Without an antagonist of some sort, any and all accomplishments will feel moot and pointless. You introduced the possibility of some governing body shutting down the 'scentient' AI, but never acted upon it. You're telling me that an entire society, which has been capable of creating AI's for years doesn't know how to recognize one even when it tries to 'hide'?

3) Rewards/plot progression. When the rewards for winning the contest were learned, they meant nothing to the reader, as there was next to no context, and I immediately knew that the protagonist was going to win the global prize. Why? Because there was no other way for the plot to progress. Linking back to point 2, if you don't have one (or more) of the following 1) person vs person, 2) person vs self or 3) person vs nature/god, you're not going to engage your reader.

I'm being critical, I know. Hopefully you take this the way that I mean it, and try to learn and develop as you continue to write.

I gave this story a 2, the only reason it wasn't a 1 is because it has some plot potential, but as it stands this is not a story. Please revisit when you've hadn't time to further develop these ideas into something interesting to read.

Sorry it was so negative,

Cheers,

Dennis

I'm a retired "geek" and thoroughly enjoyed this imaginative story. It is quite extraordinary.

Ignore the other commenters quibble about there not being any conflict. I like stories with no conflict. My qualifications as a retired "geek" are that I used to write computer software for unmanned spacecraft, and various other very interesting projects. Keep up the good work and keep the stories coming.

Got to admit this is the first story by you I have read that wasn't BDSM related. I seriously enjoyed it, great original idea and it could evolve in to a full novel sizes story.

Just loved it, and maybe some day we'll be able to accept everybody... Thanks for sharing!

Definitely different from your prior scenes. Reminds me of the movie "Her" Fanciful, but well written. You ought to post this story onto a WEBsite at GenCon, or some such similar convention.