All Comments on 'Terry's Party Plans'

This is my first ever attempt, so I'd appreciate any feedback you might want to offer. Thanks.

I really appreciate that people would take the time to write a fantasy for others to enjoy and while I appreciate your effort you have some major issues with this story. Like you repeated the the first paragragh and paragragh #11 almost verbatim.

Paragragh 1: He bolted upright, heart pounding. Not sure what woke him up, but he knew he was very wake and that it was very dark, and very quiet around the house. It excited him. His breath shuddering with excitement, he started to make his way off the sofa and up the stairs toward the bedrooms.

Paragraph 11: Terry bolted upright, heart pounding. Not sure what woke him up, but he knew he was very wake and that it was very dark, and very quiet around the house. It excited him. His breath shuddering with excitement, he made his way off the sofa and up the stairs toward the bedrooms.

It just makes for a poor read,,,,but keep trying.