All Comments on 'Texas Heat'

ty

Put some feeling into it; right from the beginning it's just flat. Rather than starting with "Patrick took a long overdue trip to Houston" mix it into the description of the heat, flying, preparing etc. You need to "grab" me, the reader; you need to seduce me into spending time on your words. Something like:

"Patrick felt the late June heat beating through the window as the plane taxied into the Houston terminal " works a whole lot better than three separate sentences that portray three distinct ideas.

Good story line, just needs some finesse.