All Comments on 'That Fickle Thing Called Love'

Very informative piece, Sack.

Although it makes me a bit scary that I might be heading towards to real thing. LOL

I absolutely agree with you about the importance of being good friends. And yes, when you have to look desperately for a topic of conversation you'd better leave.

Good luck.

Black Tulip

Spot on I believe !

"you been there and done that."

A very concise, tightly written treatise on a very complex, confusing topic!

Well done.

DJ

Great job Sack! You brought up some interesting points. And I like the two sets of 10 questions.

And as written as though the author is a man of experience in these matters.

Lots of information well presented. Good work, Sack.

Rumple

Every piece of advice is right on. I can remember all of 'em without going back and looking but I do remember numbers 3 & 4 I think it was. Yeah, true love does take time to nuture and the next one, I've never been able to equate insecurity of the feeling of being jealous with love-they just don't go hand in hand. Well done Sack!

So thoughtful... so wise... an absolute pleasure to read!

Something tells me I'll be 'accidentally' leaving this one

around the house on the 14th ; )

Great job, Sack! Your essay was a pleasant reminder of when I studied love and relationships for a research paper to get my Bachelor's in Psych. Very accurate and informative. Good luck to you.

I was falling in love. Great job Sack and welcome back. I've missed you.

as always great

... and a lot of good common sense here. Unfortunately, common sense oftentimes flies out the window when it comes to love.

Sack:

the article was clear and concise. Problem is that most of the horror stories about misplaced love are generally about the young. The mistakes made are because of that fact and the head yields to emotions because emotional maturity is not yet fully developed. In the older humans that violate your credo it seems to be the fear of being alone that overrules the head. Thank You. Ronnie W.

Love and lust ~ relationship dyslexia when the wrong one follows the other.

Great job sack.. made me think... now where did I put the asprin?

Salute to savvy and balanced guide to the perplexed. It veers you succinctly between the Do’s and the Don’ts. As with similar guides, no matter how good, I wonder if those who read and embrace them are those who need them most (such as among those who are most prone to mistake extreme passion or bitter loneliness with love). And if they do, will they recognize it in time? It always help to raise awareness to the big warning signs, but when the hormones are rushing or other emotions such as fear, or self doubt are overwhelming one only hopes (against hope?) that we shall have the presence of mind to remember all that we have previously read.

Together with good education (such as “that fickle thing”!), there will always be a need for the good friend or family member, who knows you well enough to point out your “blind spots” (as you have pointed out ). Or if things go badly enough, we shall always be so lucky to find a qualified therapist who would help us decipher our own consistent mistakes which we each make in our own tantalizingly unique ways.

I would add one more guideline to your list. I find it useful in my work, because it relies on directing the attention to existing emotional signals (as opposed to efforts to counter emotions which are presumed to be unreliable such as infatuation). Counter to common misguided myths - real love does not hurt! If you “love” someone, and you are hurting, something else is going on, but love would be the worst misnomer for it. Believe your gut feeling! If in the presence of your lover you consistently feel bad about yourself; about life etc. – check yourself out! Then in the safety of loving and trusted ones check why.

A very good guide that differentiates the real from the 'seems real'.

Informative and thought out well written piece. Nice Job.

If only people would read it before rather than after. Thank you.

You just reminded me why I love my husband so much - we have all of the good and none of the bad you've laid out 99% of the time. I really am married to my best friend and you just made my night. :)

In Love does not equal sex, this is where so many try and separate the act of physical sex. “It wasn’t love it was only sex.”

The act of being enthralled trying to satisfy the other versus just the self-seeking fulfillment of ones own needs is where we hear Authors use that comment

The act of just physical sex and intimate emotional love is exactly the same. All the physical actions used are equal in either case. The person experiencing the physical sex is the only one who knows what their thoughts where going into and during the intimacy. No lie detector or drug can delve into the mind to know if the person at that time was sharing intimate love in the physical act or just masturbating with a live body.

Interesting is the male conception of paying a hooker versus a bar pickup for sex. Most people portray two very different thoughts on that scenario. You hope in the bar pickup there might at least be an attraction.

You have given very good basic information. Lust, infatuation and physical attraction, all of which are held in the mind can grow, but only with communication, compromise and time will love grow or survive.

Then there are the mind fogging drugs and alcohol. Dr. how far and simply are they able to change people’s principles?

Thank you for your input.

You gave many hints on how to tell love from the substitutes. If it makes one person think before committing to an unsuitable partner, this entry will have done much more than all the romantic magazines to building long term relationships.

Og

You have a list fetish, good man! Well written, per usual.

all common sense, and things everyone should know just thinking a bit. But, thinking about it, I could remember so many cases where I didn't keep this in mind, and the disappointments that followed... So I guess this is a text one should print out and keep somewhere to read again every few months, just to not forget these things...

and a lot of it is common sense and some of it I disagree with. A man can love his wife or SO dearly but not notice everything about her. I mean, he might come home from work and not notice her new dress or hairdo, etc. It wouldn't be that he doesn't care, he would just be too interested in the whole person to notice details. At least, that's the excuse I use.

great for a review piece! and very good information presented in a unique and interesting way!

I liked it!! glad to see you out and about again!

;)

Good Luck in the contest!

~LB~

a strong case on the state of modern relationships ..downs ups...common sense presented in a well thought way..made a good read..ty for the info..blue

and covers the bases very well. nicely done sack.......don

Sometimes the truth has to be put into plain sight. That's how I feel this is. Many may feel that because they love their partner, they can change all the negative aspects about them, or have dillusions at even turning the worst of men into the most noble of heros. I feel that if a person must be "changed" in order to make me happy, then I should not be with that person. I agree heartily with many aspects that you presented. I also felt it to have a certain degree of resonance knowing you're professional back ground. Times are such where the quick fix is the trend. Sadly this seems to be the same for love and relationships. Like anytying truly worthy, time must be given to enjoy and appreciate all apsects.

You're piece is very well written and very easy to relate to. It speaks with a common language to allow the reader to understand what seems nearly impossible to graps, love. Great job. I know V-day is long gone, but this piece rings true any time of year.

You made some interesting points. Perhaps the one that struck me the most was the fact that a loving relationship must be approached from a place of personal security. That seems to be a sticking point for many people, and, alas, it is something we usually learn after heart-break. ~Great Job!

For all my life I just could not understand what is love between a couple and what is the hullabaloo around it. I don't know it yet. I know for a fact that love is an emotion that is felt exactly the same way with any person or relationship, hence the feel same love for my parents/siblings/friends/pet/lover, though I may do different activities with them and sex/lust is a different emotion than love. Love is like any other emotion, like anger for e.g. since you also feel anger exactly the same way with parents/sibling/friends/lover/manager, but the different activities to show it. Same goes for any other emotion jealousy/sadness, etc.

I love friends and friendship. It has a level of freedom, intimacy, goofiness, and sometimes I wonder why can't I live with this friend for life and continue living this life, the days and months of amazing time we spend. I was always confused as to how marriage is different than friendship and why not marry a friend, though somewhere mixing lust with friendship means tainting the respect and fun of being friends, hence I refrained from it. Though, I could possibly live with a couple of good friends for my life and with this comes the problem of choosing who and on what basis. Yes, they are all different personalities but we gel so well. Anyway, I value friends and friendship too much to sour it with lust and sex.

But never once has any from my family accepted this obvious notion that marrying a best friend if THE IDEAL marriage there can be. So much so that I had started doubting my own understanding, even though I have a zillion examples where best friends marriages have been no less than a lifetime of bliss and freedom with maturity but zero sense of formality and unnecessary seriousness that comes with marriages otherwise. I had people (non-friends) repeatedly telling me that for straight people, a boy-girl can never be pure friends since the boy WILL ALWAYS try for having sex with the girl under the garb of friendship, and those who don't are either lying or are gays, and this is utter bullshit. Yes, there are men and women who sadly have to feign friendship to get under the clothes of the partner and some friends by choice decide to explore sex and end up marrying or ruining or being mature about it and remaining just friends BUT there are several boy-girl friendships when they are friends for real and for life. Though, when two people feel free and happy with each other, intimacy and thoughts of more intimacy i.e. trying sex are obvious, even though one may not be truly feeling so if they lived in different cities for instance.

So, reading your 10 pointers esp. the point where Love is marrying your best friend = literally brought tears to my eyes man! Simply because I feel so strongly about it, and having being told its BS by everyone, all these years, repeatedly that it made me push back this insight gained by personal experience at the back of my mind. Was so confused as to what is a good marriage with least bickering and nagging esp. with no formalities and seriousness that titles of "husband" and "wife" bring into it. Reading your article brought back all my understanding w.r.t love-friendship with full force and though this is one writeup on an erotica website, somehow it validates my understanding completely. Thank you for this article. It is indeed as simple as that, love = marry your best friend.