The All or Nothing Game

"Tell me Steven," she said. "Have you been here many times before and were you together with Julian then?"

"Well," he mused."I think this must be my third hit in Tokyo — and yes — all in the company of Julian. You know, we've been playing together for over ten years now. More or less, anyway."

"My God," she ventured, "is it that long? I haven't followed his career that closely. Has much changed? If you compare those days to now?"

"Of course things have changed in a way. We were younger then. And wilder I guess. Julian has also become much more of a business man over the years. Really taking care of the economical side of things. Being more careful too of his image, looking on that as an asset. But as far as the musical concept goes, I think he is pretty true to his original ideas."

"Younger and wilder you say? Was it very ... wild backstage in those days too?"

Steven grinned and looked at her from the side with amusement.

"Ah! You have that idea of the classical, "Sex, Drugs & Rock n' Roll" setup in mind, do you? Well, of course there have been wild parties and wild moments backstage with Julian too, but mostly I think that was part of his early years way back in England. You shouldn't compare him to any punk, metal or hip hop band where this is a part of the profile. I think he soon realized that should he stay on the scene he needed to take care of his personal life too. Madonna might have looked trashy on stage for example, but she spent a lot of time before performance in yoga to concentrate and to enhance her mind."

"Drugs?" she cut in furtively.

"Yeah," Steven stopped smiling. "Sure, that has been present, but not to the point of ruining a career. In this business you will soon have to make up your mind because drugs are the equal to perish. In the end one can't survive a constant drug use and stay on top. Period."

"But it is present in this troupe, isn't it?" she persisted and threw a sidelong glance over the aisle in the direction of Bo Lassiter.

"Yeah," Steven admitted with a sigh. "I fear so. And I'm worried over what might happen when we have come this far. Here in Asia everything — positively EVERYTHING — is available and it doesn't cost a thing, at least not compared to the prices in the States or in Europe either for that matter."

Their conversation was interrupted by the final "dinner" — or was it "lunch?" — to be served and Eva felt that the last stretch of the journey was close at hand; that they would soon be descending to move in on the Narita airport outside Tokyo.

Disembarking and going through customs was a nightmarishly long procedure, and Eva was happy that she had some company to rely on. She would soon have lost her nerve otherwise. She saw Julian for the first time during the whole journey. She saw him through a glass wall which separated the ordinary travelers from the VIPs. Maryka was with him as usual and they were met by TV and press for a short interview. Moving on in her endless line, Eva soon lost sight of him again. Finally, they were outside the building and on Japanese ground for the first time. A bus waited for them to take them to the hotel. The bus was marked with the logo of the tour so that no mistakes would be made, and their guide was all happy smiles and full of welcome in an array of languages. Eva wondered about Martin and the roadies a bit. They had gone in advance in a freight plane due to the size of all the equipment which would take a considerable time to clear through customs. If all were well, they should have arrived some eight hours ago. She looked at the huge city of Tokyo, spreading out before her eyes as they drove through the suburbs, and concluded that in a way it wasn't so much different from New York. All townscapes virtually looked the same all over the world. It was only when entering the centers of the cities where remnants of older architecture and buildings could still be visible, where the differences would show up. Their hotel was situated close to the Budokan Dome where the big concerts were to take place, and Eva was happy for that. They were to occupy an entire floor high up in the building, and the view from the windows was spectacular to say the least. Yet, Eva fell on her bed and could have fallen asleep instantly hadn't it been for the phone bringing her to the surface again. It was Steven calling her.

"Babe," he said, "a piece of good advice. Sleep now for a couple of hours and then I'll call you. Make sure that you will really get out of bed then. No matter how hard it feels. We will have a bite to eat — food and entertainment are a twenty-four-hour business in this town too —and it's essential that we get into the rhythm as soon as poss! Is it OK with you?"

Eva smiled into the phone, and it transferred over into her voice too. "Steven, you're a darling, what would I do without you?!"

She heard him snigger at the other end, and then she passed out on top of her bed.

**********

Not until Eva went to work in the TV-studio, the second day, did she realize that Julian and Maryka were staying at the same hotel this time. It was a surprise indeed. She had called the elevator to take her to the ground floor to ask the Front Desk to get a taxi for her, and when the elevator stopped and opened both Julian and Maryka were inside already. Eva lost her composure a bit and almost missed the ride down.

"Are you going to stay there, or are you to follow us down," Julian asked pleasantly and she hurried inside, taking care to be especially charming in her hello to Maryka who had set her face in her perpetual "pleasant-smile-mask." Eva moved over to one of the corners of the cage and wished for that she could quickly and easily find something to talk about. Her tongue was tied though and she felt a great discomfort — as always when being in the company of Julian outside her professional area. Maryka looked equally uncomfortable, and the only one seemingly enjoying himself was Julian.

"I guess that we are all going to the same place? I suggest that you follow us in the car then. That will save time and money."

No one contradicted him.

The lobby of the hotel was filled with TV- and press people who most likely were there on a twenty-four-hour basis so as not to miss any development during the stay of the star. The management of the hotel hurried to get the limousine ready when Julian and his party turned up. Accustomed as Julian was to dodge photo flashes, he didn't look directly at the cameras but a bit beyond. Eva didn't have that practice, and she was blinded for a moment by the fireworks, aimed for them. They were however quickly ushered into the waiting car, and yet again Eva found herself inside one in the company of Julian although this time they weren't alone. Hopefully, she wouldn't be subject to any new surprises during this short trip to the studio. However, with Julian one could never be sure. Innocently enough he placed himself in the middle of the long back seat which could easily harbor five people, thus having Maryka seated on one side and Eva on the other.

"Did you do anything pleasant in Tokyo yesterday, on the free day?"

Eva could hear that his voice bubbled of silent mirth, and she started to feel exasperated again. Why did he have to be such a dreadful tease?! Maryka looked out through the window on her side in a somewhat demonstrative way, realizing of course that the question wasn't directed at her.

"Oh! Since this was my first time here, I thought that I should do the conventional thing and the easiest. I did one of them guided tours. That way I knew I wasn't going to miss out on any important sight."

"Wise choice!" He clicked his tongue lightly. And at that moment she could feel his hand steal down between their bodies and how he took hold of hers and held it in a gentle but steady grip, caressing the palm of her hand with his long, supple fingers. Her whole mind focused and concentrated on this particular spot, and she went all weak in her body again. She wished wildly and full of protests for that she wouldn't react in this silly way. Like a schoolgirl on her first date! She clenched her jaws but fell slowly back towards the headrest and closed her eyes briefly. Slowly, hesitantly, she entwined her fingers in his not really knowing what to do. When looking at him, she could see that he hadn't turned his head but gazed ahead immovably and seemingly relaxed. Nonetheless, his nostrils trembled ever so lightly, revealing that maybe he wasn't as composed as he led to believe. No one spoke again during the short journey, and he held on to her hand for as long as it lasted. Eva felt almost regret when it was over, and she had to let go of him. Yet before she did, and when Maryka had stepped out of the car on her side, he quickly brought her hand to his lips and feathered a kiss on her bare wrist. Eva shivered knowing what a risk he had taken, and on weak, shaky legs she crawled out of the car to meet the studio people who had met up outside on the street, as if a royalty were to grace their premises with his presence. She resolved to talk to Julian and ask what he was doing and why. She couldn't pretend any longer that all happening now, moving in an ever increasing spiral of events, was equal to a whim on a drunken night.

Yet, Eva never got a chance to talk to him face to face in quiet. Unlike in the States, people constantly milled about in the studio, in and out of rooms. Maryka came and went, the studio manager, the light-setters, the sound-people — everyone came and went to discuss different aspects of the interview and the broadcast with him. Soon Eva was finished with her work, and she retreated to the wings to look at the press conference from there. She left before it was over, a bit guilty for slipping away in advance, but she thought that she had "heard it all before" so many times now.

The next night was to be the first huge concert in Tokyo. Although Eva couldn't read the newspapers, she could see the long articles on Julian in them, and TV had reports from both the hotel and the arena during the day. It was electricity in the air. She hadn't seen any of the band-members around at all, but she hadn't expected to because Steven had told her that they were to sound-checks and rehearsals practically the whole day. Eva wanted to hear a bit of the rehearsal, so she arrived at the Dome in good time in the late afternoon. She could hear them from afar as soon as she entered the premises, and she guessed that the fans outside the arena who waited to be let in also heard them.

When she came close to the stage, she heard that a heated discussion was going on. Nowadays, this didn't trouble her any longer. Eva knew that it was more a sign of that they were all sort of revving up for the show rather than having a serious disagreement. She sauntered off towards the backstage area and threw a glance up at the construction to see if possibly Martin was around up there, but she couldn't see him. She asked her way to Julian's rooms and started to unpack her things when she got there. She looked at her watch. It was time for the show to start. The band which was to open for him tonight — Machinations — had flown in from Europe yesterday, and they were now on stage and playing. Eva could hear that the crowd had entered the arena. The show was on its way. In about an hour and a half Julian would be out there.

Then suddenly the door opened and he whirled into the room. He was in casual dress, sweaty after work and clearly in a very agitated mood. He snatched one of the towels and started to dry himself. Then he ripped off the T-shirt and proceeded to have a look at the clothes laid out for the evening.

"The sound is slightly hollow in "Standing Alone." Can't understand why the sound people can't get that right. It irritates me! I've asked them to test again while Machinations have started their session. Maybe the technicians can get it better, now that the arena is filling up and the right prerequisites are in place."

She gathered that he was talking to himself rather than to her.

Then he looked up and directly at her. All his nervous energy seemed to surround him like a field of electricity. He approached her and they were standing in front of each other. She saw him clench his jaws and the aggression in his eyes. Involuntarily she backed a step, but he stretched out a hand to stop her. Something snapped within her then.

"Look here!" she burst out vehemently. "What game are you playing? What is it that you want?"

"You mean to tell me that you haven't played this game before" he retorted silkily, but there was steel in his voice behind the soft words. "I can't believe that."

"I don't know what ideas you have of me," she fumed now, "but to say it bluntly, I know there are girls dying out there to be as close to you as I am right now, but I'm not one of them. Let's say I'm just not your groupie!"

He started to smile then; that wolfish grin, she knew so well, spread over his lips and his eyes glimmered towards her, ignited by a fire from within.

"Did I ever say so? You have such vivid imagination."

And then he moved in on her with catlike grace and laid one of his arms around her waist and drew her close to his body. He was still only half dressed, and she squirmed when she came in contact with his hot and sweat-humid skin. With his free hand he lifted her chin and turned her face up towards his. Then he bent down over her and kissed her hard and passionately on the mouth. She started fighting then; with all her might and with a beating heart she tried to free herself from him. In the turmoil, she lost her balance and felt herself falling and as a reflex she caught hold of him and together they tumbled to the floor. He landed on top of her and wasn't late to take advantage of his position, securing her beneath him, locking her wrists with his hands. She fought like a lioness, and they rolled on the floor in a silent and wild battle. She tried in vain to evade his urgent lips. He caught her mouth again and this time the kiss was softly and treacherously sweet and tender. She couldn't help yielding to it. With a moan she opened her mouth to him only trying to fight him off the next moment. Panting they got on their knees and faced each other like two wild animals, ready for a deadly leap. She looked at him, his disheveled countenance and clearly visible erection.

"You can't go on stage like that!" she breathed hoarsely.

"I bloody well can! They'll absolutely love it!!!" he hissed to her.

At that precise moment the door opened and Maryka stood on the threshold. They froze all of them just where the momentum had left them, and there they remained all three of them for a moment which stretched out into eternity in ultra slow motion. Eva couldn't even breathe. At last, and with mobilization of all her inner forces, she turned her head towards Maryka who looked like a statue in the doorway.

"I .... I lost my necklace and it dropped to the floor. Julian is helping me to .... look for it..." she whispered lamely and knew that it was the worst line out of any drama that she had ever heard or would ever hear.

All the same it broke the spell. Both she and Julian managed to get up from the floor and without adding anything to this impossible explanation he slumped into the chair in front of the mirror and closed his eyes. Eva got hold of a towel which she threw around him and went for her bottles and makeup. Maryka still hadn't moved. Finally, she made an effort.

"I can come back later, if you are busy," she murmured and turned and left.

Eva worked in silent fury on Julian's face. He hadn't opened his eyes, and he didn't do it until she was behind him and had started on his hair. Then he caught her eyes in the mirror as he often did, and she stopped for a moment, her hand with the brush remaining in the air. His eyes were hooded and grave, and she couldn't really interpret the expression. In a way they were naked too. Passion and outrage visible. At last she had to lower her gaze because he was burning her with his. When she was done with him, she quickly picked up her things and fled from the room.

**********

The concert that night was overwhelming. Even from where Eva watched it, it blew her away completely. As had happened before, he dipped into his inner sources and tapped them for energy, transforming his feelings into music and attacked them all. The huge audience — the Dome was packed to the ceiling — went into a kind of unison rapture, and they wouldn't let him go; they screamed and clapped and stamped the floor until he relented and appeared for an impromptu second Encore that night.

When Eva met the band afterwards, even they were shaken by the response.

"It was so great!" Klaus marveled. "How I shall live this down, I don't know."

"Well, for a starter, come along," Steven called. He took Eva by the hand. "Tokyo is ours tonight, let's go out and paint the town pink!"

And they drifted out into the neon night of the never sleeping city. Rupert had a contact here since earlier visits and bringing him along gave them access to the most wondrous places. This wasn't a night for quiet contemplation or to chill out with jam sessions; this was total exhilaration. Eva felt wild and liberated; she wanted to dance. And dance they did. At huge dance palaces off the Roppongi and later on in small, intimate joints which she would never again find her way to. They held on to each other, seeing to that no one got lost and for the first time since this tour started and her new life began, Eva stopped asking questions inside, and instead she surprised herself by feeling and acknowledging an intense yearning for Julian; to see him and to touch him. She gave herself up to that feeling and later, in the early morning hours when she was brought back to the hotel and they hugged and embraced and didn't want to let go of each other completely, she could still feel it as a reality. Unable to lie, even to herself, she succumbed to it. Yes, she wanted him! Truth! I dare you! He had ignited a feeling within her, and although she still didn't know what game he played or what he was truly after there was no return now. Inside her room, she slid to the floor and started to cry. Weak and trembling she crawled to her bed. What would happen to her? How would she manage? She felt like some nitwit girl out of a cheap novel, falling for the star of the show. It was all so ... predictable, wasn't it? Well, there was ONE great comfort to look forward to. This particular part of the tour ended in Hong Kong. Then everyone got to go home for Christmas. Home!! God, she had never in her life longed for home and Granny as much as she did now. There was a question of enduring another two weeks. Then she could go back to that quiet place, lick her wounds and consider the future.

**********

There were two more concerts to be played in Japan before going to Hong Kong, one in Osaka and the last one in Nagasaki. Eva especially looked forward to the one in Osaka because she knew that a visit to the nearby very special town of Kyoto was planned within this stop. She had heard Maryka tell reporters that it was Julian's special wish to see the old imperial city on this tour. Eva concluded then that there was going to be a free day before or after the concert, and she surely planned to get on that sightseeing visit too. She asked her friends and found out that at least Rupert wanted to go along, and she also persuaded Steven to come although that kind of culture wasn't really his cup of tea. So the day after leaving Tokyo they found themselves in Osaka and intent on making the most of the free day. They met up with Julian, Maryka and their entourage in the hotel lobby from where they were transported to the Shinkansen station — the very, very fast train which transported people at breakneck speed between Japan's major cities. Only going on this bullet train was a feature in itself to experience. They were met in Kyoto by yet another committee which seemed to be expecting and receiving royalty. In a caravan of limousines they were brought to the museum center in the old city where several of the beautiful castles and gardens were housed within the walls which surrounded the so called Nijo castle. Entering there was truly like entering into another world. Eva didn't know that such places still existed as this beautiful garden with all the sumptuous temples and palaces within, each of them worthy of a whole day's visit. Yet, they only had a couple of hours to spend there. At the head of their group a guide ushered Julian and Maryka around, explaining incessantly, pointing, demonstrating. Eva and the others followed a couple of steps behind. She wanted to linger a bit to look at the old paintings and the exquisite woodwork. When the guide had finished, Julian bent over him and asked something and was met with profuse affirmatives. Then the whole assembly of people scattered, and every one of them went to have a second view of an object or scenery which had caught the eye. Eva understood with a secret smile that Julian had most likely asked the guide if it were possible to walk about a little in solitude. Eva went to look at the garden and the lakes — the layout was a work of art in itself — then she went back to one of the palaces to look at the gilded pictures and the old and beautiful costumes which were on display in there. While she was watching and studying, she heard a light footfall behind and turned hesitantly. Julian was approaching her, also intent on studying the works of art in this castle.