All Comments on 'The Archaeologist's Dig Pt. 01'

Sorry, but the wall of text I saw several times while reading this is extremely unappealing to your audience. It makes it difficult to get at the material, so I can't enjoy your story even if it is a good one.

I don't know what it is, but whenever I read the feedback stories here get--and this is true across the board from the very hot ones to the ones that are anything but hot--the vast majority of it will have to do with matters of editing or composition, which makes me very tired.

I have a doctorate in English myself, so I can play that game, but realize that the only feedback left here so far could just as well have been left on a piece about the effects of interest rates on the Dow Jones Industrial Average, and the author who left it, who has never posted s single story here, provides no hints, whatsoever, about how the author might have made this story hotter.

I agree that the longer stretches should, ideally speaking, be broken up. But I promise you, I've read stories on this site that had paragraphing issues but were otherwise so hot that I couldn't have cared less. There really are some arousing elements here, such as the entire last paragraph. And I really look forward to seeing where this goes next. Please don't give up--keep writing. And if you focus first and foremost on content, the form will start to take care of itself.

Acai,

Great erotic mind control stories are hard to find. So far, your setup and content are superb. This is one of the few stories that had the exact type of storyline, setup and exucution I look for. Just terrific stuff. I really hope you continue on with this story and it's well constructed slow burn story, which in my view are the best kind. What will happen to the lovely young Dr. Gold? How deep will her subvervience get from the formally independent woman? And how is it being accomplished? What is the secret of the Orion room? This reader really wants to know. That is a tribute to your writing and story.

I agree on the earlier criticism about longer passages. Also, there are some problems with language that would be helped by having a native speaker of English review your work before posting. Examples:

"The remains we spotted on our trip two days ago were the Bronze Age remains." The redundancy of using 'remains' twice in the same sentence should be avoided. Something like this would be better: "The remains we spotted on our trip two days ago are definitely Bronze Age."

"Her mind was slurring." "Slur" is the wrong word here. You might want to use another word, perhaps "spinning" or something else.

A native speaker of English will help identify these kind of problems and improve your writing.

Good luck. I will be looking forward to more chapters.

i have really enjoyed reading this story. i look forward to the next chapter. don't worry about all the comments about breaking up paragraphs and such. if your readers are really into the story, then the little grammar mistakes and long paragraphs really shouldn't phase them. Keep writing. And if you continue to get the English lessons from readers, then just seek out an editor here at Literotica. i'm sure they would be willing to help. Again, i encourage you to keep writing and look forward to the next installment. *smiles*