All Comments on 'The Bank Job 04: Final'

Loved this story-- kinda wished you could have written more.

Left me feeling like there should be more - still a great story, very well written!

Your editors didn't help - you were fine on your own.

Lots of typos, felt rushed, definitely wanted more storey!

I figured I would probably get lots of feed back telling me it was too soon to stop but the thing is, I've read lots of stories on here where I've reached the end and felt like the whole thing really would have been a lot better if had been wrapped up maybe six chapters earlier. I really don't want to fall into that trap, I believe its much better if a story ends before all the lose tends are tied up. Maybe I've swung to far the other way? I have lots of other stories kicking around in my head that I want to write so hopefully that helps?

My editors do help, really they do. Apart from anything else, they spot my typos much faster than I do, so you would have to wait longer for updates without them.

Speaking of typos, the Literotica submission form doesn't like 'track changes', so a lot of typos slipped through the net this time, I'm assuming thats what you must be spotting anonymous? sorry about that. I will look at ways to get round this.

Again, thanks for the feedback everyone, its really lovely getting it.

Though I wouldn't mind more, I think this ending works well. Leaving all those questions to the imagination of the audience is a nice way to end a story like this. ;)

Oh, yes typos. I've noticed quite a few of them. Maybe you should have one or two proof-readers to help out with that. It can be distracting. I'd be happy to help with that!

Send me a message if you're interested.

I feel like I should probably chip in and clarify again here;

A different document formatting was used on this chapter, and that caused all of the proofing and changes I made to not show up. The problem has been rectified, and grammar nazis can rest easy and enjoy the stories as they peruse further submissions.

I so enjoy your talent karaline... Keep up the great work, you've a genuine talent and I for one am grateful that you've chosen to share it with us. That said, I disagree with Eve86. I feel your endings are too abrupt, and I think you should write epilogs for both of your submitted stories. Tell us know how the couples are doing in say 10, 20 or 50 years down the road. Did they end up married, have children; live happily ever after? If not, tell us why. What happened to prevent a happy ending.

Sorry for not commenting on each chapter but I was in a hurry to continue reading the story. The chemistry between Rebecca and Jason just seemed to leap off the page. The sex scenes were melt-the-panties-off-you hot and I thought I'd have to stuff myself in the freezer to cool down.

I actually like the 'Happy for now' ending. It leaves the door open if you want to come back and share more of their story. Which I'm really hoping you'll do! I'd love to find out if Jason is able to stop running from the law and how Rebecca fits into his life. Plus, I'm hoping you'll dive into more of his past. You gave us slivers but there must have been more to it for him to have risen to a leadership position.

I do have one tiny bit of feedback. I would like to have seen more of her fears for her safety and concern for her family while she was a hostage. I understand how her fear turned to lust with him. (Hello? Sexy as hell ultimate bad boy. Yes please!) But in the moments when she was locked in the room by herself she probably had all these thoughts churning in her head. Just a suggestion to touch on those if you ever decide to publish this.

Thanks for posting this and sharing it with us!!!

..... that is for the pure talent shown in writing the story. The ending as it stands is adequate, for now. But, the characters that you write have a complexity, particularly these two even if among your first, that is a shame not to develop with further storylines -- not just an epilogue. Just a thought. See that this is the first comment you have gotten on this story in a good while; would only suggest that readers once they have sampled your work eagerly move to your larger pieces for more -- based on the number that have favorited the story/you.

It would be nice to see a follow up, some time later, honestly your writing is superb, such depth of character, you want to spend more time with them, they are likeable and genuine, please give us more????

Very good story. Well done! Hope to see more of your writings.

I absolutely loved the way you made Jason travel from the bad to honesty...this is one story that definitely needs more chapters.

Loved every word of it 💪🏻💪🏻

Too short!!!

Loved it!

Wow I enjoyed this one. I read Different worlds months ago, which I loved. Then stumbled on and read Yellow Dress before realising it was your writing again. So now Im reading and loving all of your work and I think that this was by far my fave so far. The way you wrote the intimacy and passion between these two is some of the best I have read on this site. It was freaking HOT! But then I liked that in Different world too.

I love that you wrote about Jasons insecurities in this chapter when he came back for her. It made him more human and appealing.

I think the ending was fine. Why cant people accept this open ending and then create their own extra story if they need it? At least you bothered to finish your stories, (where many don't and you spend all your time reading chapters and its not finished.)

I have one more gripe for the whingers... As far as editing goes and it not being good enough for you... Its a free site!!! you get what you pay for! Perhaps you could do better???

Karaline Thank you for your writing. Im so glad I discovered it a second time. I look forwards to reading any new work of yours.

Hi Karaline:

I enjoyed The Bank Job story. Although I am a male, I was more interested in Rebecca's perspective than any other part of the story. I did not want her to be hurt. I have read of the "Stockholm Syndrome" and you illustrated it well.

It is interesting that you show Jason's anger about Simon and Rebecca's angry reaction to his possessive anger.

My final comment is that even though Jason committed armed robbery, I am glad the police did not arrest them in their room, him for robbery and her for being an accessory after the fact.

Thank you

Charles from YYZ

Selrom2003@yahoo.com

I love your writing, its so intense and psssionate. Your stories are delicious, so well written, evocative and erotic. You are my favourite writer, don't ever stop and thank you for sharing your talents and beautiful stories. X