All Comments on 'The Bar Ch. 01'

Check for typos.

Too, not to...Etc.

Other that that, easy read and I'm invested in the characters.

When the sex does come into play, please don't use crude language. I don't think this character would be like that.

Keep him sweet, old school and romantic.

Excellent start, albeit with minor typos. Now the challenge is to maintain the story.

Keep Going...

Alan

Great start with some good writing. There are so many ways this could go I would be interested in seeing what imagination you have.

You've got my interest

You are stretching it out too much and you need a proof reader. other than that it could be a good story . Don't go crude.

and you have a decent start having exposed us to a half dozen characters and a protagonist who isn't so cock sure of himself and seems a decent sort...so far.

Can't ask for much more in the starter and I for one have no problem with the no sex so far as I'd rather have interesting characters and a plot.

You write well (this is not your first rodeo) and maintain a fast pace. Just a few editing problems (use know when you mean no, etc.), but they're not too distracting. Choosing the category is sometimes iffy. Romance and Non-Erotic don't get the readers Loving Wives and Erotic Couplings do, but you write well enough that they will find you in any category. I have added you to my favorites and look forward to the next chapter.

Looks good so far. Keep on writing and we'll keep reading

is typically threatening imminent physical harm with some type of weapon, e.g., a knife, gun, or baseball bat. Battery is causing an injury or physical contact of an insulting nature like spitting in your face, no injury but clearly offensive. Aggravated battery is battery with a permanent or severe injury or disfigurement OR a special class of victim like a cop or fireman or teacher on school grounds. Now some states blur the lines in the way they name stuff that don't follow the tort definitions so you should check the New York statutes to see how they are written before you craft your crime story line.

I'm hooked. Yeh, the typos gotta go like some of the other commentators said.

Tame works for now. The pace was just fine. Makes for a slow bulid-up, which works for me, too. Sorry, but I'm not a wham-bam thank you kinda guy. Just don't keep us waiting too long for the next chapter. Some of us have short-term memory issues....................in English: We'll forget about you and your story.

Oh, and Jackson?.............how about he assaulted his live-in girlfriend while on drugs, who also happens to be his father's secretary/assistant AND Mark's old girl-buddy from Hampshire.............whom he never got the chance to romance because her father moved the family to the States before the relationship could blossom..........I'll stop 'cause now I'm getting stupid.

Anyway, thank you for sharing this with us.

Liked the begining, nice pace and interesting characters. Also liked the sense of mystery aded by withholding information. Keep going

I thought thathis was a very good start.

wish you many more successful chapters and many more successful stories.

Only problem is I always want the new chapters NOW. Not possible but...

Intriguing set-up. There are many directions that you can take this story. I like that. Definitely hope you continue.