All Comments on 'The Baseball Trip Pt. 08'
by Spector_Dugan
- 11 Comments
Anonymousover 6 years agoI have been enjoying this series, but a suggestion or two if I may?
We all know why people come to this site, but sometimes a bit of character development (other than shagging each others' brains out) would allow the story to breathe a little better. Let the reader recover from the veritable smorgasbord of orgasmic overload, add a few more words about things to that we don't get tired of all the sex. We would also then get more involved with the characters, see them as more than one dimensional and root for them.
Maybe include a bit more about the baseball games (after all it is the baseball trip) and keep the reader on edge with what is coming next. Build the tension. This guy with his magic wand, seems like he would be better off in the room of requirements in Hogwarts. And really, we don't know that much about him, let alone that the 3 females on the trip are all gorgeous (one way or another). It's all forgotten in the jumble of overflowing bodily outbursts.
Sometimes less is more, but you have done a great job and hopefully this will help in future works. Well done.
Anonymousover 6 years agoThis is just plain boring. Like the world was made up of dicks and pussies and nothing else. Try adding some background to make the whole thing seem real.
How did such a hollow story ever get rated 4.91? Have you got an app that opens the story and gives it a 5?
blackknight314about 6 years agoGlad you didn't come inside Sarah, Kudos to Kelsey who took one for the team. Jules is still being a bit left out. Oh well, when they get home she will have him to herself... nearly... mostly. Oh well, so far a sexfest. I feel , there has been some back story on each character, except maybe Ben.
ereaderlabout 5 years agoSo he steps out of the shower and is toweling off .. and "... was still sticky with Julia's juices ..", What kind of shower was that?!
ereaderlabout 5 years agoSo he steps out of the shower and is toweling of... and .."was still sticky with Julia's juices ...". What kind of shower was that ?!?
Anonymousabout 4 years agoI don’t know if it was intentional, but the last chapter was a true ninth inning, or at least one possible way the game goes. The team is home, has clearly scored often, and gets to finish without even going to bat. You get half a chapter. (One other possibility being a come from behind, (no...don’t go there,) win, which it seems many readers wanted. But, I like this one. It is how these things end. Even Julia’s last comment — which was, essentially, “there’s always next year.”
Sex4lf57almost 4 years agoThat last utterance by one of the girls was so on point. That had to have been the best trip ever, a trip of a lifetime. Now to see what happens when they get home and face Jim and Rob! Five stars and a favorite point!
Anonymousover 2 years agoThree Americans who are able to handle a manual transmission with a clutch.
I've driven enough renatl cars in Europe whose clutch was ruined by peple used only to automatic. Until you brought up Yugoslavia I thought you were writing about the "new" beetle and not the old KdF car. Yes, it's a rather smalish car, but stil bigger than a Trabant or even an Isetta. I've only driven as a passenger once in a beetle, but during my student times I squeezed with four others in its successor for short (European style) holidaytrips, but this is here rather irrelevant. We're reading this for the sex and the goupsexscene here is wonderfully written.
Anonymous11 months agoI love the story, and I know it is fantasy. But endless screaming in a hotel room? With no one pounding on the wall?
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