All Comments on 'The Beginning of the End'

While the story itself wasn't bad, it would have benefited greatly from the attention of an editor. Story flow, too, lacked a bit- a little more attention to that would've helped, especially if it had been laid out in sequence instead of disjointing the continuity. Dialogue needed work, too- it all came across as a little flat; a trick I use is to speak the dialogue out loud to see how it sounds... if it doesn't sound genuine or realistic, I tweak it until it works. You definitely show promise as a writer, but have a good ways to go until you're telling the story like a master.

My problem with the story is the first half. You continually hammered the same point over and over. She ended the relationship with her father and she regretted it. Got it! Move the story along after you made the point. For more background, you could have told about secret get-togethers they shared or first time experiences for different techniques or close calls about being found out. Just move it along.

What a great story! I know it's a good ending, but I don't want it to end!

what difference does it make if ann is her step mother? he is still her biological father and any child that is born of incest is subject to all kinds of medical problems. and yes some (more than a few have mental development problems) and regardless of her step mother he is still her father. i love the incest part but not the children part i would never have a child with my own bloodline although odds drop in 2nd cousins but the risk is still there and the father will end up dying before the child is older and that would leave the girl to raise a mutated child and that is from a family of a Nurse so they should understand it the ending was bad for me as we already have to many messed up people in the world as it is. FUCK ALL YOU WANT BUT LEAVE THE KIDS OUT GO WITH OUT HAVING THEM makes life so much more fun

You had an excellent reminiscence tale going, and her internal struggle was depicted nicely. But then you collapsed about four chapters of story into a few sentences.

You need to bring the mother in and let her tell her daughter (or not daughter) about Africa. Given how Dom he is, I'd suspect he'll bury mom in the basement and push the story that she went to Africa. He's a lawyer. By definition he lies.

Daughter needs to have DNA verification of her lineage. It could be vital in relation to her supposed inheritance. Will she let Daddy control the inheritance like he controls her?

There are many directions you can take this scenario. Keep writing, I think you are on to something great. Oh, and your depiction of their sex was also great.

Anyone who believes a dad and his daughter having children together is sexy should spend some time around children born of such unions. The physical and developmental problems are numerous and can be life threatening. There is nothing loving or joyful about bringing a child with such physical and mental problems into the already screwed up world.

I know it is not real and just a fantasy story, but it takes a truly sick individual to find the idea of condemning a baby to a life with a below average IQ and other deformities. If you fantasize about a baby from incest then you truly should seek intensive therapy, and if you deny you need it then you only further prove how off you are in the brain. There are sick fucks who fantasize about abusing toddlers, and it being "only a fantasy" or made up story doed not remove the level of sick fuckedness in the person's brain. The monster is simply unaware of being a monster because it is justified with excuses like we see constantly in stories like this about having babies with a close family member. Do the world and your potential children a favor, and never have any!

Loved it. Came hard!!

My wife and I had 5 children. One girl and 4 boys. Our 3rd son got married.

That union gave me 3 female grand children. The second girl born was a real

good looking (Play Boy Model Type of girl). He loved to drink, actually he was

considered a "Drunk" by his peers. Their family moved to Wisconsin back in

2007. There was little work for him to do. One night he got his 15 year old daughter

drunk, and raped her, and got her pregnant. 9 months later, a female great grand

child was born to our family. Wife & I were furious when we found out how she

was born, but we still loved that little girl. Our son died in 2009. Our little great

grand daughter has all sorts of medical problems including RA, due to the incest

when my son raped his daughter.

There are FAR MORE children born with health problems and deformities from supposedly 'normal' relationships than there are in this current era from children born from first generation incest. First generation incest has a very low rate of such problems, barely above that of a 'normal' couple.

Even with that knowledge its not hard to have genetic comparative testing done in advance to find out if there will be a problem.

More defects and health problems occur from parents smoking, drinking, doing drugs, work related environmental factors, coordination and fluoridation of community drinking water, constant exposure to aluminum in our food and water, mercury in our seafood, pesticides in our food chain, growth hormones and chemicals in our poultery and beef, genetic manipulation of our food, forced inoculations of our children.... I could go on and on... Harassing people reading fiction stories about something you can't change instead of contributing to any number of the above items which you can be part of a solution to is just fucking pathetic.

Oh, I've seen you commenting on other incest stories, so the real deal is that you just want to read incest porn and get off while assauging your torn conscious by posting your rant after you're done and feel guilty about it. :)

Yes, children born of incest can result in medical defect issues... we all know that... but these are just fantasy stories... do we really have to be so serious about the comments? And so overly legistic about what a lawyer may do with the body of the now-found-out step-mom, that filed for divorce, who's supposedly going to Africa to practice nursing there? Burried in the basement? Really?