All Comments on 'The Best Gift'

first off, too long I lost interest in this story around page 4 and I skipped to the end, if a story goes past 4 pages, unless it grabs me at the start and this did not but I did like when she took her to the bar and everything that went on that was the good part of this story

Poorly executed

I just ignore the first to comments I thought the story was well written and a very very good story line. Carry on writing these sort of stories. I give you 10 stars if I could

The set up of the dialog was a huge deterrent from truely enjoying this story. I maybe use a person’s name when I’m talking to them once or twice in an entire conversation, not every sentence, and almost never if they are the only other person in the room. It was very distracting and unrealistic. If it was well written I’m sure I would have read to the end. I also stopped after about page 4 or 5. Your story has real potential, I just wish it had been edited and reworked a few more times before your submission. Good luck to you!

"Noor picked up her daughter's hand to look at the ring. (11) It was beautiful! (3) A large orange stone with a halo of diamonds. (9) The two compared rings. (4) Both were special in their own way. (7) Sass spoke first. (3) "My mom has friends in the Amsterdam diamond exchange, so I had her pick this up. (16) The stones are all colorless and clear. (7) They are set in white gold. (6)"

Varying the number of words per sentence is a tool you can use to capture particular moods. Use long, sweeping descriptions with mellifluous words to create rich atmospheric tones for your stories, EXCEPT when short sentences help underline terse and abrupt speech and events: "He was pissed! The car simply refused to start. Storming off in a rage, Mike slammed the door behind him."

Don't pay any attention to the critics. It was well written and very much emotion. I enjoyed it and was glad for the outcome. The length was necessary to get the entire tale.

for storytelling is at its best here.

outstanding story I thought it was well written and had me totally engrossed in what was happing

I love a long story with romance and courting, I'm an old soul so this was great. I wept and rejoiced with the characters. Excellent tale.

I love the story