All Comments on 'The Blackwell Pt. 01'

While I can see the bones of a good story here, it is quite disjointed in certain areas. I don't know if it was haste or lacking a good read through, but the potential of the story will only be achieved with coherent lines and flow. That said, I am looking forward to reading more of this.

Great start to what i hope will be good series.

I enjoy stories that engage my mind, and this did just that. A story that is plot driven

Is so satisfyingly to me and makes the sex scenes , when they happen all the more

Rewarding. Patients is a virtue after all.

Well written with great imagination.

I am looking forward to reading what adventures Raven and Leah get up to next.

Thank you

I love it. Leah is every inch a shifter with all the inherent charms and the unfortunate drawbacks. What a fun romp! With a bit less dialogue and a few skill checks it could be the opening minutes of a D&D campaign. There are the kind of weaker transitions that you'd find in RPG writing, but they make sense as part of a comic or graphic novel. I believe most - if not all - confusing points would be immediately corrected with visual cues.

That being said, if you want a beta reader to look over your next submission before posting, feel free to contact me.

Really enjoyed the start. Grabbed my interest very quickly. Left me waiting for next chapter.

You've got the makings of a promising fantasy series here but as has been pointed out, the construction is a little clumsy (it might work for comic-book format but not for prose). A good editor should be able to sort that out for you although if you take proper care you should be able to spot the flaws for yourself. One worthwhile trick is to put the finished story/chapter aside for a few days then return to it with fresh eyes---that could well help you to see where you've gone wrong. Keep at it: experience, too, should help improve your work.

What is it that Raven knows that's so bad? And why is Leah so "valuable" ?