All Comments on 'The Blind Girl in the Snow Pt. 01'

Very happy to see a follow up on the original.

Definitely romantic.

I both hate and immensely love you right now - hate for giving us just a tiny glimpse of where our heroes are headed in the future, and love your for continuing this wonderful story in style! All those little things that prompted such changes in both of them only grew in this chapter, like those smiles of hers and small tricks of hers he got attuned to in no-time at all changed him beyond measure. And now that they're back in office after their first weekend together life should be very interesting for them, with a lot of it being supplied (or manipulated for her enjoyment) by Janet.

Also like the new style of narrative where you jump between the memorable moments and real-time progression, the former fits in there like his daydreams and the latter drives the story forward to its bright future. In such combination to goes to show just how much of his heart and mind she managed to conquer in short time and what it means for their relationship in the long run.

Of course you got another stellar 5* for this one and I'm already looking forward to much more real soon!

So pleased you decided to write a follow up, can't wait for part two.

Please let there be babies! So romantic! Thank You for existing!

For giving us a ending to this lovely story.

but it would be good to run these stories set in NY by someone familiar with it. Nobody living around Atlantic Ave in B'klyn is going to drive into mid-town Manhattan (especially in a Lamborghini!); they would take the subway, either the BMT B or D trains or the IRT 4 or 5 trains depending on which concentration of financial services Mike is at (5th Ave. doesn't go down to Wall St.) And nobody would have such a car in that part of Brooklyn; it would be like putting a stack of one thousand $100 bills under a rock on the sidewalk overnight for safekeeping. And nobody in Manhattan has ever even heard of a bacon sandwich (except bacon, lettuce and tomato, of course). And other things geographic. I am only saying this because I really thought the story was excellent and could benefit from being truer to the setting. Just quibbling, but I have seen a number of good stories here get details wrong about cities I have lived in over the years, and I think there are sometimes missed opportunities for narrative hooks.

Very Good story! You are capturing the challenges for the visually impaired with the feelings and imagery. Well done.

I really enjoyed this story, can't wait to read part 2!!! Amazing story and caracters

I liked the story a lot, Great work.

However a thing that somewhat confused me was the time jumping.

The first paragraph seems to be years in the future, that fragment seems somewhat irrelevant to the story, it doesn't add anything but doesn't hurt either.

Then we are back just after the end of TBGITR and story progresses to the next day just to flash back to the day before. The pacing is weird.

Just the way you are telling it!

I like the style: give a few bits of story, then tell part of how they got there via flashback. It works quite well for this story. From the pace, it seems the snow will be longer than the rain - and that’s more than ok because there’s more to tell. IMO, the emotion exposed is appropriate for narrative by a walking erect cock with money. Not much emotion because he simply doesn’t know how to express it.

I really enjoy the concept of this story. It is such a sweet and original idea. I think if you flesh the story out a bit more you would really have something. As it is it's a sweet, simple read, with predictable outcomes (partly made so predictable because of the non-chronological way of setting up the story, which means the audience literally knows exactly where everything is going). I think the story is in need of some conflict, because 5 episodes in I can't see a conflict that might prevent them from getting together. It's just all "he knows this is the one" (without really giving her much say, to be honest, like he just assumes she will and must feel the same way) and a series of stepping stones (first coffee- check, first kiss- check, first time- check) without any conflict about whether they'll work out or not. I also wish he had asked her some questions about herself, because at this point it feels like he hasn't asked anything about her as a person, and doesn't know much beyond her name, and what has been physically apparent to observe while he secretly stares at her all the time. So perhaps more "getting to know you" time would be really a great addition. She would likely also be more concerned that he was using her with all the talk in the office, plus she's a beautiful woman with a condition that would perhaps make men more interested in having sex with her just to say they did, but not interested in the baggage of a relationship. I write these suggestions because I love love love this story idea, I think your writing style is excellent, and I would absolutely enjoy reading more stories like this one, but would also love to see the character development improved a bit, plus the question of how things will work out to keep a reader hooked, rather than just knowing where it's going all the time :) Keep up the great work! And thank you for this beautiful story!

If so, why does he still call her "Miss McAllister"? After my wife and I got married, I started calling her "Mrs. [ReiDeBastos]" from the moment we were pronounced "Man and Wife"!

Keep it going

The premise of the story is good, but I am getting a little confused, time changes, flash backs my old brain is having a difficult time. 'Ice' starts out like they are married? Eyes bandaged? The the las part they back in the cafeteria the day after they made love for the first time?? Good story but confusing?

The flashes back and forward in time were slightly confusing, but otherwise really good