All Comments on 'The Blue House Pt. 01'

he take the house... but what are the consequences (if any)

You lost me at rectum.

Anonymous,

Fair enough. I had never written anal before. It did not do that much for me either. We write live and learn. I hope you will check back when other chapters come out. I anticipate them being much more like the scene with Aarti and the first part with Gina.

As a fan of anal, i think it'd be a shame to phase it out. This is a very good story. It caters to many tastes, is written well and is sexy.

Keep the anal. Many of your fans will thank you.

Awaiting chapter 2...........

O.

I have to admit that the fact that I may have "fans" is a trip. I wrote this first part over a couple months and really wasn't sure about submitting. This is my first attempt at erotica and I just wrote what got me hot as best I could.

Gina giving up her as was more indicative of her mental state and her need to do anything to get Nate to have her. I did not really plan it. It was the only thing she had left to give up once she was strapped to the horse.

Thank you for reading and for your kind words.

The premise is good, I'll say that. However, if I may, let me urge you to think about characters and not just mechanics. He is a guy who walks into a house following a mysterious summons and he trades five words with they guy with all the answers. I think you should have used the set up to let us know something about him, who he is and what makes him interesting. So far we know zero and thus the sex is not compelling.

Thank you for your feedback. As I said below, this is my first attempt at erotica and I'm pleased with the positive reception overall. As any writer does, I'm attempting to hone my craft. Hopefully the following episodes will fill in some of those characterization gaps for you. Thank you for reading.

Very well written and looking forward to additional encounters...and perhaps what happens when Nate decides to wear one of the controllers just for a night.

But you need to edit more carefully. Lots of little spelling errors are distracting.

For instance, "get on with what he was her for" is a different story entirely :)

As others have commented, some spelling mistakes but enjoying tgr story so far. Please keep writing.

...potential for fun and excitement), however for that to happen you will need to flesh out your characters so they are more real, less one-dimensional. You'll need to delve into the back stories of each of the girls and the old man, so we understand and can come to care about them....and you'll have to get some editorial help for the sometimes unusual verb conjugations and grammatical errors. It might take a little longer, but our getting to know our hero is critical to the entire story and its acceptance by readers. You made a good start, just tune things up a bit and go where it takes you.....

Thank you.

The numerous spelling and grammar errors were annoying and kept me from finishing the story. I suggest for future stories that you find an editor to proofread your work before they get published. Good luck

Please excuse my frustration, but as a fellow author on Lit. I get more than a little annoyed by anonymous whiners and arm-chair author/editors tearing down good work over nit-picky BS. Especially considering that they were able to read this story FOR FREE, a story that took countless hours to craft. People, if you want a perfectly polished, professionally edited product, go out and BUY IT! I also feel that unless they form an account where there can be email sent back to them, their opinion means nothing. Oh, and here's a thought, try writing and publishing yourself and see how easy it is...

Anyway, sorry for the rant. I think you're doing a really good job. Was this perfect?.. No, but it was certainly readable and entertaining, definitely worth looking into the next chapter. Keep plugging away, and thank you for your hard work.

Dom.