All Comments on 'The Bonding Chronicles Ch. 01'

Same dam story different title. What the hell?????

I made significant changes to Ch 1 with the help of an editor I am working with now. As a result this new version is meaningfully different, and not just in the switch to past tense. I took this opportunity to change the name of the story since the old one kind of bothered me. This new name is much more appropriate for the long term direction that this story is going to take.

I would strongly recommend reading the old version of the dream sequence and compare it with the new version before you decide to rate this story low. I am happy that so many people are eager for Ch 2, but I also want to provide the best quality story I can and working with the editors is helping me do just that. LeFrog08 and LadyVer are both helping me tremendously and I think everyone will be much more pleased with this final product.

Again, I apologize this is not Ch 2, but I had to take a step back before I could take two steps forward.

it is a bit sad you changed the title but u will not get that much attention and people will start saying when is the next ch comming and will moan about making another story without reading it but still your work is amazing.I didnot even know what had been edited

Now I really am dying for a second chapter you made it even better thank you keep writing I see vast improvement in your style and in the story development keep going

I hope you continue - I really like the base you've built for a long narrative. Keep writing!

I plan on continue writing in this story. I have the outline for the next 4 chapters so hopefully they will be better received than this rewrite was.

seriously thats the only thing i have to say. Excellent story, great characters, im anxiously awaiting your next installment!!

A fair start to the chapter and just got better and better. Hope to see the next chapter soon.

Really enjoyed this.

Think it could develop into a good story

To be honest, I really enjoyed the setup for the story. Making it feel more like an actual happening rather than the intense and sudden sexual scenes in other writings. I roleplay quite often and I personally love smut. But my ratio is 75% story, 25% percent smut. And this tailored very well, beautifully written and is a masterpiece to my perspective :3

Thank you for writing this!

forward to the next chapter! Thank you for sharing!

The gym section was roughly twice as long as it needed to be, somewhat over-shadowing what had come before. An editor would have fixed this.

Should have been a 5, but I'll give you a 4... and await the next instalment.

Interesting story, and one ii sincerely hope gets continued. Please don't be one of those vanishing authors that plauge literotica upon occasion.

.."Anonymous" has no idea whether the gym sequence needed cutting. We have seen one chapter - the establishing chapter that lays the foundation and introduces us to the primary characters and sketches in relationships and conflicts.

For all he/she knows, any portion of it may be a Chekhov's Gun.

So far as i'm concerned, if you have criticism, constructive or otherwise, either post it in a public comment, under your "real name" instead of "Anonymous", or send it as feedback directly to the author.

Or, of course, you can make a supercilious and slighting comment that demonstrates how wise and better at this than the author is ... and sign it "Anonymous".

**************

The gym sequence might or might not be a tad long - but it didn't bother me as i was reading it, and i'm willing to wait and see whether anything in it will pay off - aside from earning Andrew the respect of the coach and some of the jocks.

Five stars, here.

To getting to know each of these characters better. Aside from Dr. Blake, I'm over him already. But I can't wait to see what comes next. So, I'm off to binge read. Guess there are worse things to binge on though. Thank you.

It may just be me, but I didn't understand what was happening half the time =\

It's totally possible. This was the first serious writing I have ever done, and it was influenced quite a lot by an editor. At some point I should go back and re-review these early chapters to see if I can make them more consistent in tone and less flowery. I have learned a lot and feel like my writing has improved, but right now my focus is on composing new chapters.

If you continue through the story you may find you like how the writing improves and the characters develop, or you may hate it and think I am the worse author to ever grace this planet. All I can say is that I have enjoyed writing the story and hope that people like it as well.

Lots of hints, little crumbs, glances from the edge, but nothing concrete to hang on to. My curiosity is piqued.

But, in the comments a post from the author recommends:

"I would strongly recommend reading the old version of the dream sequence and compare it with the new version before you decide to rate this story low."

I've looked for another version of the story on the author's bio page but can't find another version. Suggestions?

That comment was from a LONG time ago when I transitioned from the original version of the story to what it is now. The story went through a name change at that time, so both versions were posted for a small period there. The original was in present tense and had a name that I was not really liking as I thought more about where the story was heading. I will try and include the original version of the dream sequence here so that you can see what I mean:

***** Dream Girl *****

The Williams were busy during the the week leading up to school starting. They installed a new breaker box, and removed drywall everywhere that they would need to run cables. The house was almost entirely wired leaving Dave and Michelle a week until they would need to report for duty. They wanted to finish this project before their deployment started so that Andrew would not have to live without power for a couple of months. The entire family worked tirelessly, and the long hard days were taking their toll. By the evening everyone would collapse in bed exhausted but with a satisfaction that only hard labor could bring.

For Dave and Michelle that was the end of the day, they would quickly fall into a deep and restful sleep. Andrew on the other hand always had the same dream.

He is laying on the moss next to the pond where he met Sara. Unlike when he met Sara the glade is shrouded in the darkness of a moonless night. The air is cool and a breeze makes Andrew aware that he is completely naked. Forest noises mix with the smells of moss and wildflowers causing Andrew to think of Sara’s breasts.

Growing hard he can feel precum oozing from his dick, and as he reaches down to grasp himself someone else touches him first. Shocked he looks down and can see the silhouette of a female figure as she grasps him firmly. Before he can speak the figure raises his cock and licks the precum from the tip, sending shivers down his spin. Andrew almost loses himself in the ecstasy of that simple contact when he realizes that his dick must be at least eight inches long.

The female figure begins to stroke his long shaft and Andrew watches as her thin fingers slide seductively up and down his length. Her hand glistens with a mixture of saliva and precum as she continues to lap at the tip of his cock. Andrew reaches out and runs his fingers along her face. He can feel how pristine and perfect her skin is but all defining features remain shrouded in darkness. As his hand reaches into her soft short hair she looks up and their eyes lock, causing Andrew to hold his breath.

Large orange cat irises stare back at him, and while Andrew knows he should be terrified, he is not. The only thing he feels is lust and adoration mixed with an overwhelming need that he has never felt and cannot describe. He can see in her feline eyes an intense desire to please him which makes his cock as hard as iron. Grasping her hair he can hear a quiet and oddly feminine purr that intensifies as he pulls her down his shaft. As his cock hits the back of her throat it jerks and a large surge of precum fills her mouth. She swallows it around his dick while he pulls her head back until only the head of his cock remains within her mouth.

Her eyes dilate with pure erotic satisfaction as his cum reaches her stomach and Andrew can feel her tremble as she begins to orgasm. Her stuttering moan melds with her ongoing purr as Andrew again guides her down and then up his cock. She plants both hands on the ground to support her body as she rides the wave of multiple tremendous and overlapping orgasms. With each orgasm Andrew is able to guide her up his shaft before driving himself deeper into her throat as he pulls her down. Despite the intensity of her orgasms she never stops sucking and licking every inch of him that enters her willing young body. Every bit of him that is buried in this mysterious and magical young woman burns with pleasure.

The glade fills with the sounds of moans and wet erotic slurping. Her eyes begin to focus again as her final orgasm fades. Andrew can see determination within her steely gaze as she drives herself down, burying the last couple inches of cock deep into her throat. He quickly releases her hair and his hands dig deep furrows through the wet moss at his sides desperate for purchase as his muscles tense. Deep pleasure courses through Andrew’s body as he feels himself taken closer and closer to an earth shattering orgasm. The glade fades into a blurred dark green mosaic surrounding the only thing Andrew sees clearly, two bright amber eyes that seem to look deep within his soul. Within those eyes he can see a past of loneliness, a future of promise and a present of satisfied desire.

He knows that those wonderful, mysterious eyes sense and measure his every passion. This glorious woman is using that connection to drive him skillfully to the very edge of his release but never letting him crest into oblivion. The vibrations of her purr titillate his every nerve but still she keeps him riding that razor’s edge. He realizes that he is her mouse and she will only let him go once she has had her fun. Andrew has lost count of how many times she has buried him into her throat, and how many times he has reached the very edge of release to find that his pleasure has reached limits he never thought possible. Each near orgasm causes him to tense and jerk, his nerves begin to burn and his balls ache, yearning for release.

Again his pleasure compounds atop itself as another orgasm is just barely missed, cum leaks from his dick in a slow but steady trickle. Andrew can feel his passion and lust as if it was a great river being held back by a mighty dam. He almost has a sense of it, as if it were some kind of force building within him, driving him towards magnificent or terrible things. The moonlight cascades through the trees and Andrew finally gets a glimpse of his mysterious lover.

Sara’s hair is damp with sweat, but remains spiky, wild and red. Her features seem oddly more angular, short red and black hairs flow from her temples and climb up her elongated ears where they end in sharp points of thin skin. Her previously brown eyes are now larger with cat irises, and intensely amber. Her face is a mask of barely contained pleasure and desire while her eyes are calculating and astute. Andrew is overcome with a sense of correctness, knowing that she belongs to him, and he to her. He knows that in this moment she wants nothing more than to make him feel as much pleasure as she can possibly give him.

With a tender smile he reaches down and gently runs his hand along her cheek. She closes her eyes and presses her face into his hand, sliding his cock further into her throat while rubbing her face down his hand until it rests at her temple right where those tiny red and black hairs start. Her purring intensifies as she increases the pressure against his hand and wiggles her head slightly until he begins to rub her temple firmly. The movement of her head and the intense purring combine to drive Andrew to the very edge of release.

Opening her eyes Sara looks up at Andrew, the only emotion in her eyes is pure, unadulterated devotion which she can see reflected in his violet gaze. As his impending orgasm begins to fade she withdraws most of his cock from her throat, runs her hands over his inner thighs softly, causing his dick to jump and his balls to tighten slightly. She gently runs her hands up his abdomen as she again sheathes him into her throat, every inch that she descends drives her hands further up his chest. As soon as he is fully encased inside of her she firmly squeezes both of his nipples and Andrew explodes.

Torrents of cum flood almost directly into Sara’s eager stomach. Every gush of cum sends wave after wave of pleasure through every corner of Andrews body and mind. His eyes close as his fingers dig deeply into the solid earth at his sides. For countless seconds Andrew is consumed in a world of pure pleasure. As the last drops of cum are sent into Sara’s waiting mouth Andrew suddenly and violently wakes up.

He bolts up, resting himself against the headboard, and thinks he can still hear the last of Sara’s contented moans lingering in the air. Looking around he can see that his bedroom is empty, the only sign of disturbance is a thick and still warm layer of cum that mats his sheet to his abdomen. His balls ache slightly, and by pulling back the sheets he can see his five inch dick is deflated and exhausted, resting in a pool of his own cum.

Now *this* seems to be a story that is worth reading! Keep raising the Lit standards bar!

When I looked at the legend for each part I saw that the story begins in Olympic National Park. That brings back memories of a long time ago when I was new to the Navy stationed in Bremerton WA. I had a friend who wanted to get rid of a 17 year old young woman who wouldn't leave him alone. I started hanging out with her.

One weekend I wante to take her home with me to Moses Lake, 200 miles east. She could only go if another girl went along. From that weekend on the three of us were together whenever I was not working and they were not in school.

Another w/e we went to the rain forest. We were going to wade into the ocean, at least I was. The girls kept looking in the back window as I got undressed to my underwear. The toes of one foot into the water sent a cramp up my leg. We spent the rest of our time enjoying the beauty of the forest. It was amazing that the dead needles under the trees wer so thick we never touched the ground. It was like natural mulch. That was in 1963. I have yet to see anything that caught my eye as much as that park in all the eighty countries or separate islands I've been in since. Other places are beautiful, but nothing compares.

I saw a lot of things that aren't normal, this is good.

engaging tale! You paint Sara as so mysterious and I love how you employ the teenage angst and school antagonism in such a way to draw us in with such an original yet magical tale. I'm looking very much to reading more. 5. :)

This is such a well written story it deserves a second reading.

It is as good as I remembered.

You people are crazy nothing I’ve read so far draws me in. I read almost non-stop and this don’t make me want to keep reading. Not saying it’s bad story but grabbing me.

Andrew sounds like a seriously pathetic pussy. And he's a world class weakling. Why do writers do this kind of thing? Do you really think you are building empathy with this crap? It's over the top and see through...

To everyone who wants to hate on a story, how about you actually write something, then we might give a shit about what you say.

I'm having a really hard time visualizing Sara. Spiky hair that's also soft; "Short"... in fae form it's even less clear.

I’m rereading this again, and loving it. For those who are reading it the first time and having issues with Andrew’s character, just know that he is a character that develops and changes… a lot. Enjoy the journey, it’s worth it.

@Looselyhuman, I always pictured her with a haircut like Alice from the twilight movies.

@ArcTalyx thanks that really helps

Another unfinished story.

Author disappears and leaves you hanging.

The meeting of Sara, the wet dream, her knowing he was in pain. I do believe Sara is a witch. I hope you have something evil in mind for Zack. I hate bullies.

chur m8 awsum story

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I see Tefler in your favorites an by all accounts he's disappeared from Lit as well lol must of made to much lovely coin oh well as they say look after yourself 1st

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