All Comments on 'The Bonding Chronicles Ch. 02'

Just as I thought Zack was rejected by Sara, that explains his behavior toward Andrew. That and the fact that he is a jock. :)

Excellent character development so far. Sadly you have the same problem as all the other authors I enjoy reading. You write slower than I read. Guess I will be forced to check back often for the next chapter and re-read the first 2. Keep up the great work!

Glad you like it. I knew that this chapter was super heavy on the character development. There are only 4 characters in this entire chapter. So its a relief to know that people, so far at least, are enjoying it.

This chapter took so long to publish because I was working with a pretty excellent copy editor, and switching to past tense. I learned a lot from the copy editor, but due to work schedules it took around 3 weeks to get Ch 1 back up under the new name. In the process of reviewing Ch 2 we decided to go our separate ways. I did get some feedback on Ch 2, but for the most part it was edited by me and LeFrog08.

Apologies for the delay.

So I am back in the market for a good copy editor. My goal is to publish chapters every 2-3 weeks. Until I can find a copy editor willing to give feedback and assistance within a week of delivery, you will probably start seeing more run-on sentences and grammatical mistakes. I am not a professional writer and am still learning a lot.

Best series I have ever read on this sight there is so much sensual energy without there being to much and I cant read it without falling into the story myself

Please keep up the amazing work can't wait for the next instalment of this amazing story.

But if you want to pay homage to somebody you could at least get his name right. Since I'm a big fan of Tefler's TSM it kind of irked me a little

***** Quote:

But if you want to pay homage to somebody you could at least get his name right. Since I'm a big fan of Tefler's TSM it kind of irked me a little

*****

Thanks, that was a mistake and I appreciate you taking the time to let me know. Its fixed in my profile now. For those of you who are reading this and wondering, In my acknowledgment of Tefler in my BIO I had originally spelled it Teflar.

Nice building story. Good characters and well thought out. Ignore the peanut gallery and those who just want a jerk story. Keep it going and keep the chapters about this length so that you do not fall into the trap of novel length chapters and a story that never gets finished.

I'm impressed by your character development and your sensual inferences. Truly a genuine wordsmith.

As i said at the first chapter, if i have a suggestion or error to point out, i'll do it here unless it's something big - you have a tendency to follow a sentence with a sentence fragment that ought be art of the sentence (or else a full sentence). That is:

"He was amused as he watched Sara take ineffectual stabs at her salad. Her disdain for the greenery evident with every shuffling poke."

That either needs a comma after "salad" (making the rest what i THINK - high school English is a long time ago - would be a subordinate clause), or a verb ("Her disdain ... was ...") to make it a separate sentence.

Very minor point there, and it's something i am particularly sensitised to because i had to learn to not do it myself.

But it's a great story even if i did hit the occasional speed bump.

It is reassuring to read that the main characters are having as much trouble understanding what is happening so quickly between these two very different young people. I must admit I am nervous for Andrew tomorrow at school. As he was warned, he is on his own now (except for Sara).

There is one aspect of the story that stands out as particularly odd, just how little strong the attachment (bond?) is becoming and how little they know about each other. Where does she live? What does the cryptic passage about her mother mean? What is so compelling about the glade to which they keep returning? And so many more.

Ahh yeah. No not really. Think about who Andrew is and his education and the amount he reads. Andrew would not use the word ‘dang’.

Also ‘star crossed lovers’ means a couple doomed to failure due to something outside their relationship. Sara and Andrew are not star crossed. It’s their first date and having dinner at Andrew’s house. No starcrossed there.

I’m out.

I think you chose the wrong word at one point when you called them star crossed lovers. Star crossed means they are doomed to failure. I doubt that you would have written the story if you wanted them to fail. Otherwise a good story. I am curious as to where this will lead.

Good story, but there seems to be a lot of scene setting and not so much actual plot progression, I understand not giving it all away in the first page, but a story needs to move forwards at pace otherwise it feels as if the plot is too weak to support the length of the story complete.