All Comments on 'The Bonding Chronicles Ch. 08'

Every chapter seems to be getting more and more interesting. Thanks!

The power sharing with limits and slow but steady discovery of his power is really well done. I enjoy each chapter more than the last.

I can't wait for each chapter!

I sincerely hope Andrew ends up helping Will

Enjoyed this, look forward to seeing what develops with the dad and her mom. Hope Andrew can help the abused bully, maybe get a follower? Thank you for your story.

Love this story so far. Your writing is excellent.

But, I'm confused about Andrew having a new and unexplained power out of the blue. Last chapter he was destroying cells and this chapter he is sending texts, connecting to electronics, and "feeling" cars with his mind. Can we get a little back story about how this happened?

Thanks from a big fan.

I am on vacation in France at the moment, so I will attempt to keep this brief.

The end of Chapter 6 had Andrew and Sara resolving to focus on Seth's text he had detected that night. They knew he had sensed the contents of the text subconsciously, and were failing to figure out how or why he is frying nearby electronics when he cums. So they resolved to shift their focus on the text the next day.

I considered starting this chapter with a outline of the progression of this new power as they drove to OR, but thought it might be kind of boring to read. So i decided to jump passed those three hours of him trying to read the messages that Sara sent him and slowly building his clarity until the gift had progressed to where the chapter currently starts

This is the second feedback I have received about this decision, and can understand how the sudden jump may be jarring or confusing. I will spend a bit of time considering how to improve this. With the gift of hindsight I may be able add a few paragraphs after that initial exchange between Andrew and Sara, just after the near accident, where one of them speculates on how quickly his new gift had developed over their three hour drive.

I will update my bio when the tweaked version is submitted, and again when it goes live.

Thank you for the constructive feedback, its things like this that help me better understand where and how my decisions about story progression sometimes need to be changed or adjusted.

Bonjour,

Thanks for taking the time to respond and clear up my confusion. I'm really loving all the possible directions the story can take. For me it has enough threads to keep me interested but not so many that it becomes directionless.

Also, his new power is super cool and I love the techno wizard title.

Please enjoy the rest of your vacation.

A happy fan,

Kay

Normally I don't comment on stories, but as I have really have enjoyed this story so far I thought I should take the time to give you some feedback.

The way Andrew dealt with the bully initially was very odd. I find it hard to believe that an intelligent young man (who, based on the story, is no stranger to bullying) decided that taking a beating and refusing to tell anyone about it was "a good plan". That sounds more like a bullies dream date. Obviously you have a plan to bring the bully back into the story but...I can't help but thing it's going to be a stretch either as a threat or a sympathetic figure. Good luck with that.

Pacing is a bit erratic and it seems like some areas just flow for you and you kind of rush through others. Perhaps you re-write parts that don't quite live up to what you want them to be and it gets a bit ponderous? In other words, sometimes things seem to happen really fast and then it takes a three pages to buy a car, then "oh ya your mom is hacking us, ya I know there are multiple felonies involved, but no worries I unhacked us"...I don't know, maybe it's just me, but I found it jarring.

Then the part with her dad was weird for me. He was written as a stand up guy, but her prior descriptions of him didn't at all match him as written making her an unreliable narrator, calling into question...pretty much everything.

On the same note I don't understand Andrew's reaction to bonding Karen. Not only is it difficult for the reader empathize with his stated beliefs as they seem to come out of nowhere, it doesn't match the concept of bonding introduced in the only other bonding relationship we have been shown. This bond made him fall in love with a half-werecat girl out of the blue and he ignored any instincts that might have made him think "you know, maybe this isn't a good idea", but then with bonding Karen, suddenly a poly amorous relationship is a bridge too far? It just doesn't scan well for me.

That being said I am enjoying the story and you are doing a lot of things well, so please take these nitpicks as positive criticism.

I understand what you are saying, and can definitely see your points.

The conflict with Will has been a difficult one to express, and decide how best to move it forward. Andrew is, as most people are, coming to terms with who he is and what he wants. Right now, more than anything, he wants to handle problems himself and doesn't want to have other people taking care of things for him.

There is an important aspect of Will's personality that Andrew recognizes that is not obvious to the reader at this point. Its hinted at in the end of this chapter, and will come full circle by the end of chapter 10 when I have outlined to complete Will's immediate character arc.

Andrew questioned the bond with Sara at first, but not his feelings for her. If you remember he worried that they were not in control and that whatever had brought them together would cause them to do other things outside of their control. He wondered why Sara was so unquestioning with her feelings for him, and she didn't really have an answer. He has yet to comprehend that the bond is actually part of his nature.

This chapter brings to light the fact that she has seen a bonding relationship, and at least subconsciously understands it, let alone its part of her pre-existing nature. Andrew has only ever seen committed couples, and never had attraction to anyone until his abilities were awoken by coming into contact with Sara. Now he is struggling against his nature and his nurture. What he has been shown, and what he desires.

The only way I could think of to portray that was through the difficulties he would have in forming his second bond, and the acceptance he would need to come to.

To be honest, I don't really re-write a lot. I go into each chapter with an outline of what I think is going to happen, what I would like to hit, and let the characters take me through it. The death of Sara's car was a total shock to me, I had written that long scene with them in the car and then realized, "Shit, her car would be have been killed." I spent a few minutes trying to think if I should re-work events, and ultimately decided that I would roll into it and see where it led me.

Your observations that some sections flow quickly and others take a while is true, and I am not sure how to balance that out. There are pieces that are a chore to write, and others which seem to fall onto the page naturally. This is the first serious writing I have ever done, and am still learning a TON.

For things like that I would need a great copy editor who could tell which parts were dragging and help me learn how to bridge between the interesting bits. I feel like I am getting better and shortening the transitional sections. I am trying to stay focused on the sequences which expose something important about a character, or a transition between a relationship.

There is the aside with Wildfang that was a fun little detour. He will show back up and probably be one of the first supernatural threats that Andrew and his girls will have to face. The next couple of chapters will introduce a couple of new characters and expand a little on Wildfang's influence on the rainforest now that he is in our world.

Sorry, this dragged on a bit. I am sitting in Bastille looking out over the city of Paris and thinking about where this story has gone and the few ideas about where I want it to go. Everything feels so natural for me that its difficult to see how strange some of the characters behavior may be or seem. Which is not to excuse it, you have valid points.

Feel free to message me if you would like to try and be a editor, I welcome constructive feedback that improves my writing, and the easiest way to get that feedback is via the editing process.

Please. More story.

I'm in panic that you are not gonna write more.

Great Story ! I'm waiting for the next spell-binder.

Please, Please, Please, more adventure.

Powerfully written and emotional thank you!!!!l

A new power, a new self described title, the meeting with mom, followed by dad, and another new discovery for both of them. Busy but entertaining.

Great story and devolopment. A few stretches on storyline but it dosn't take away from the enjoyability of the story as a whole. I would compare your style to David Eddings a favorite of mine. hanlonbrian@yahoo.com

There is a video game that came out recently featuring a main character named William, who had an abusive father. It's a first person shooter. Eerie coincidence.

I loved the story up until the last bit. Maybe it was a little too close to home. There is no reason for a man to beat a woman. Any man that does is not a man, he is a coward. The rest was really great.