All Comments on 'The Book of Elsewhere Ch. 01'

Your story plot lines are wierd. Your spelling and grammar are wierder. You keep back tracking in your story which makes it harder to follow. Normally, I can sense where a story is leading. However, not in your case. I think that you should reconsider your intention to be an author or story teller and instead become a chef or some other honorable profession. Otherwise, you are doomed to an ignominious failure in life.

I shall not read anything else from you.

You had a lot of mispellings and some awkward syntax that took me out of the story and world you were creating. You have potential just have someone look your story over for you, or if you used an editor already, ask for a second editor and look the story over yourself before final submission.

Haven't had the chance to read this full story yet, but I will just say: Leo is a tool who doesn't understand how writing works. Flaws in a story aren't signs that one shouldn't write, they're signs that there is room to improve. Nobody, myself included, started out an expert in the craft. Leo appears rather attached to his one-liners, so to this dragon I'd say: Go flame someplace else.

just an idea: instead of each scene bouncing back and forth between Jack and Rachel how about doing maybe a whole chapter from Jack's point of view... then next chapter from Rachel's point of view. Or at least start each characters dialog with their name.... really good concept for a story

I liked it

I really like the story and the characters. I don't even mind the frequent switches between POVs. What's very distracting to me is the backtracking every time the POV changes. The characters' experiences are too similar; it feels as though I am re-sending every single scene.

I look forward to seeing how the rest of the story unfolds.