All Comments on 'The Broussard Sisters Ch. 06'

The writing is still ok, but the organization is a mess. There are too many story lines at once and they are too short. Talking about a brutal death in one line and loving sex in the next takes away from both story lines. Slow down and write more about the characters that are most important; leave out some others, such as the hospital insurance lady.

Also, the hospital details are unrealistic. and like everything else, things are moving too quickly. She would be attended by a team of doctors: Neurologist and neurosurgeon for her brain; facial reconstruction team, including dentist, neurosurgeon, orthopedist, and possibly plastic surgeon for her face; orthopedist for her hand, etc.

This story shoould have been checked a couple more times before being submitted. Some words were not used correctly even if they were spelled correctly. Also too many story lines to keep track of.

I really like the style of telling with the multiple story lines, it's not too hard to follow when you can read all the chapters at once. Agree on the need for a good editor though, and a slight irritation on the unreal note at how easily the girls come...

Really hoping that joshaun character (or however you spell it) will catch a bullet on his way home and the kids will wind up getting help with cps. Or maybe he'll get into a head-on collision with the dick that put the girl in the hospital and both cars will burst into flames! (Hey, a reader can hope, can't he?;)

Really sad to see Pam lose her virginity that way, but I definitely get it. An awful lot of stuff starting to wrap up at the same time so it's kind of depressing:/

Then was headed to Ch. 07 without commenting.

But then I read the comments and decided to comment.

While not necessarily negative as a whole,

each comment has a negative element.

This is not representative.

The lowest chapter of this series has a high rating -- 4.65.

The present chapter is 4.74.

So most readers did what I was going to do, namely,

give it a high rating and go on without commenting.

The comments represent the tiny minority who took exception to something (though some were minor), and used the comments to air them.

In response:

I appreciate the varied threads and the weaving back and forth among them.

After all, they are all related to the others in some way.

It keeps it from dragging, as it sometimes does for me in a lengthy multi-chapter tale.

Furthermore, it reflects the complexity and interrelatedness of life.

The language/composition errors (such as leaving out "not" in a phrase intended to be negative, thus making it mean the opposite of what it's supposed to), are well within the range of what is acceptable on a free amateur site. (This story is so much better than some of the atrocious writing on Literotica.)

I am pleased with this series.

It has me intrigued, anticipating what is to come in the next chapter(s).

Paul in Oklahoma

This book needs a warning...it's highly incentuous, abusive, homophobic, and fucking racist. It's super unrealistic but can't blame them cause it was created in 2012 but damn I can't

No, created in 2002. But a dam good story none the less.