The Cage

When I got home, she was there, bustling around in the kitchen. "I'm cooking pork chops," she called. "the stuffed ones you like."

Yum, that sounded good. I went up and changed, came back down and started watching college basketball on ESPN. She came in when she heard the TV and brought me a beer and some chips. Wow, this was the life!

We had a nice meal and she told me she went in and got tested. They'd have the results in three days. That coincided with Friday, so maybe she'd be cleared by Friday night. The thought seemed to excite her and I hated to kill the mood.

"You know, Ronnie, if you fuck Big Dick Johnson again, you'll have to get a new test done," I said.

"I'm not fucking him or anyone else!" she yelled. "How many times do I have to tell you, Thomas? I'm going to be as faithful as an atomic clock from now on."

I looked at her. "Sorry," she said. "I'm just yours, Thomas, just yours for the rest of our lives." That sounded very familiar, but I just nodded.

Friday rolled around, just like always and she met me at the door with her test results. "See, I told you," she crowed. "We've just been wasting time!"

She grabbed my arm and started to lead me off to the stairs when the doorbell rang. She answered it and there was a monster of a man standing there. He had to be six and a half feet tall and his head was shaved. There was a snake tattoo disappearing into the collar of his very nice suit. "Are you Veronica Brown?" he asked.

"Yes, what's this about?"

He handed her a large envelope. "You've been served, sorry Ma'am," He turned on his heel and left. I was puzzled, I was certain that all process servers were young girls chewing bubble gum. This was very non-standard. It was a bad omen. I hoped things would get back to normal, soon.

Veronica turned to face me. "Thomas, what is this?"

"I'm pretty sure it's your divorce papers," I said.

She wailed and sank to the floor of the foyer. It was very undignified. I tried to help her up but she jerked her arm away. "Why?" she sobbed. "I told you I don't want a divorce! I'm sorry, Thomas. I'm so sorry. Please don't divorce me!"

I picked her up and carried her to the sofa. "I told you this was coming," I said. "Did you think I was joking?"

"No," she sobbed. "I thought you would change your mind. You've got to give me a chance here. Just give me a chance, Thomas. I'll show you what a wonderful wife I'll be."

"Want to show me now?" I asked her.

She looked up at me with tear-filled eyes. "You mean..." I held out my hand.

She took it and I lead her upstairs. She showed me three times that night and twice on Saturday. I was only good for two on Sunday, as well, but she was going for broke. I'll give her that.

She called Big Dick, making me listen while she told him to go fuck himself. He didn't take it well, calling her all sorts of vile names. I couldn't really disagree with him, since he used many of the same terms I'd used to myself, or Macy used when she told me. I never knew my sweet little girl had such a mouth on her.

The divorce sailed along and the first thing the judge did was mandate counseling. We had to go to six sessions or the counselor could cut the number down. The court gave Ronnie the choice of counselors and I hated the guy. He was a fat toad of a man who had obviously not been married in the last forty years. He had all sorts of progressive theories to test on us Guinea pigs.

I scurried around the maze like a white rat, counting the sessions until they were over. Both he and Ronnie made "great progress" but mane seemed... lacking. Oh, I made all the right noises and played all his games, until the last session. He asked if we wanted him to call the judge and tell him the divorce had been cancelled. I told him that I'd take care of everything.

He stood up to shake my hand, heaving his bulk out of his poor overburdened chair. I took it and gave it a little squeeze. His knees buckled a bit and I held him. "Listen, you fat bastard," I growled. "Take all your advice, all your stupid little jargon and shove it up you lard ass."

I released him and left him and Ronnie standing there. I went to the car and she trailed along. "Why did you do that, Thomas?" she asked. "I thought we were doing so well."

"Yeah, that's what I thought back before you decided to become Big Dick's pincushion," I said.

She sat there, stunned for a minute. "You really are going to divorce me, aren't you?"

"Um, yes, I told you that all along," I said. "You should maybe think about getting your hearing checked, Ronnie."

"Are you going to move out, or make me move out?" she asked.

"No, I like my home," I said. "If you want to move out, I guess you can. I think if one of us decides to move out, we'll either have to sell the house and split the money, or the one who stays will have to buy the other one out."

"So, we'll be divorced, but still living together?" she asked.

"I told you, you're a terrific fuck, Ronnie." I said. "As long as you want to stay I won't kick you out. Of course, if you fuck other guys, all bets are off."

"Are you going to sleep with other women?" she asked.

"As long as you keep up what you've been doing, I don't see how I could possibly have the energy," I said.

She thought for a minute, then smiled at me. "We'll be married again in a year," she said.

I hope she hadn't bet any money on it. The odds looked very long.