All Comments on 'The Call Girl'

I quit reading at that point since I knew it was just garbage.

A man that ran a call girl operation was on a talk show. A lady in the audience asked him how old his girls were. He told her that most were teens and early twenties and that the oldest was 26.

She then asked him if he needed anyone about thirty and his reply was, “No.”

She said, “Men tell her they like older women.”

He replied, “Lady, the men are just being nice. There is not any demand for anyone that’s thirty.”

Better than average. The person that left the comment before is an idiot. If they had read the story...

I really hope that there isn't any poor bastard out there that damn stupid!!!!!

And there is more to this couple. We just don't know about it.

Good.

First: I highly recommend you learn how to write, format and punctuate your character's dialog, e.g., "Use quotation marks," I encouraged him. Otherwise, if you write it in pure linear paragraph form, the demands of very tense, etc., start to make it cumbersome to read -- and understand (it also makes proof-reading more difficult). Very few writers on this site do this correctly, so I suggest you get a English grammar and composition textbook from a local library. Or so you order something appropriate from Amazon.

As to the story: This is a story that 'came out of left field' from the beginning, but it never made it to home plate! Think about it: the wife drops the unexpected "call girl" idea, apparently as a complete surprise to her husband, with no follow-on discussion as to what that will entail. Next they're on-line shopping for escort agencies -- still with no discussion about what she has in mind, what he would like to do, any ground rules, etc., etc., etc. Then, they spend all that time driving to an out of the way hiding place and they still have no husband-and-wife planning conversation. You treat this event as if it's something they do routinely, 5-6 times a week. What's to talk about?

Then there's the shabby treatment of the escort when she arrives and the wife is still hiding out in the bathroom??? And the husband acts as if he's there all by himself until he "opens his eyes" (please. Nobody is that dense) and sees his wife wielding a huge dildo and her behavior is strange at best.

The whole story, from setup and premise, to action and a half-baked conclusion, is both unimaginable and unbelievable.

First off - you could use the help of a good editor. Too many mistakes even for an amateur. Secondly, didn't he select a buxom black woman? How did she morph into a tall, thin, white Russian? Then you got to the real problem. Had Suze slammed some big plastic dick into Natalie in the manner you described the sex would have been over then and there. Talk about some serious pain! And "some" vaseline wouldn't have been enough to ass fuck Natalie without tearing her anus to shreds and requiring a trip to the hospital. So you need to do some work on your sex scenes. Then the death knell for the story. He "forgets" what happened? Really? Anyone I know remembers everything - in detail. But the worst part was you had them not talk about what happened - at all. Again. Really? I'd think they'd revisit their adventure all the time. By not talking about it, they lose all the fun. Badly thought out story that really needed another chapter.

I like the black girl morphing into.the Latvian, but nothing else about this.mess.

Please use a spell checker. "Grany" is spelled with 2 n's, i.e. granny.