All Comments on 'The Camping Trip'

I still find it amazing that a lot of stories have kids that reach eighteen and are still virgins or haven't even touched or seen the opposite sex, it's so cute lol

I know its to do with the law in different countries, but back home you're lucky to find a virgin at 16.

Great story keep up the good work !!

Nice story great that it is an Aussie story and the sexual aspects are well played all in all good job

I agree with another post. My first sex occurred when I was 13. Why does every story here insist that everyone doesn't know a thing about sex until they are at least 18. This makes them all seem naive, ill-prepared, adolescent, uneducated children. Just ONCE, I wish a writer had the balls to say a brother and sister started their own sex education when they were, say, 15. By the time I was 18, I had had sex with 8 of my classmates...and that wasn't even average for my school. Five girls on the high school basketball team gave birth to their first child BEFORE graduation. Shouldn't erotic stories at least parallel real life?

Sexual contact between family members regardless of gender and age is a known fact . However for this site to remain LEGAL all stories refer to the ages as over 18 . Draw your own conclusions as to the ages of the story's characters . In this case they were finally drinking with their parents approval .

Cheers.

Yes, many have sexual experiences before 18, here in the US and elsewhere. But even though age of consent is 16 in most of the US states, the federal laws are all based on age 18. Even states with lower ages often have higher ages defined where one partner is older or in a position of authority.

Ultimately Literotica is part of a commercial site, so its operators need to keep it in line with the laws as they are, not as we might wish. And those laws define all depictions of underage sex as being child porn. So at most a story might have someone refer to having had sexual contacts before age 18. Unfortunately many authors here do not know how to do so without crossing the line. Many then overdo it the other way and write stories with ages defined as 18+, but the characters are anything but that in the maturity range.

Yes I am well and truly aware the chances of someone turning 18 and still being a virgin are quite minimal. Especially in Australia seeing as we're subjected to more adult situations slightly earlier in life considering legal drinking age is 18.

Technically I for one lost my virginity when I was 13 in a rather awkward encounter with a first girlfriend.

BUT as some of the other comments here suggest, THAT would be most certainly crossing a line hence why it generally isn't written about.

I wanted to construct a story about a brother and sister loosing their virginity, and having my characters being 18 years old is the only way to do it so live with it ;)

P.S however,

Coming from an all boys school, I actually have more than a few friends who still had absolutely NO sexual experience at that age. In fact one of my mates didn't pop her cherry till she was 20. That's not to say she wasn't attractive, she just had different focuses.

So in reality, it happens. My suggestion, just enjoy the story rather than trying to find holes in it based on your own perceived experience.

Have a good read everyone! :)

Kept, the word is Kept. Keped is not a word.

Why did you keep typing "where" when you obviously meant "were"? I have noticed this with a lot of writers. The "h" is nowhere near the "w" or "e" to claim this was a typo, especially since you did this throughout the story.

As for the conjunction word "but", I noticed you used it in strange ways. For example: "Did you like it but?" rather than "But, did you like it?" Is this style of speaking normal in Australia? (Meanwhile, someone has already pointed out the problem with "keped" as opposed to "kept".)

You need to work on your editing and proofreading skills. Otherwise, this was a decent start to a story.

I truly had no idea how many English teachers there where on this site! Someone actually sent me private feedback insinuating the reason for my poor grammar was because I was Australian! What the???

Look spelling, grammar, punctuation... They certainly aren't my strong point. Heck the fact that I was in the lowest English class years ago at school probably has something to do with that ;) I have a big imagination and I love a good read but let's just put this to rest, I PROMISE I'll get an editor with the next one seeing as it apparently hinders some of your abilitys to enjoy the story...

As for some of the wording, I tried my best to keep the crikeys, g'days, bloody hells and bugger that's to a minimum but what can I say, sometimes when your wrighting, your country of origin tends to come out in the text...

That's my rant over ;) as I said just try to enjoy it hey?

I rarely comment on a story that will obviously be continued in further chapters until I have read the whole tale, but I will in this instance because of the feedback already received. I always get a little perturbed by people who are so hung up on the odd mistake or colloquialism that authors from different lands use, as if the commentators language is the only correct one to use when clearly it is not. While this excellent site is obviously USA based, it is international in nature, certainly in the English speaking nations, and as such we should all be able to see past the localised forms of language that each of us use. I for one, do not have an issue with other nations versions of the glorious language that we primarily use on this site, and see it as part of my further education in life.

Regarding spelling and grammar issues, the human mind is designed to rapidly order words correctly and automatically replace incorrect punctuation so that it does scan correctly, which goes some way to explaining why it is difficult to edit your own work, especially as you already know how it is supposed to read. Yes, you can use an editor, although personally I don't like doing this myself, even though I do this for others elsewhere, as I don't like my babies interfered with his. This story scanned well, the Australian colloquialisms were kept to a minimum and the actual mistakes were few and far between, so I believe the criticisms are on the whole unwarranted.

As far as the content is concerned, the story flowed along well enough. The characters are interesting and it is heading in a pleasing direction so far. I actually hope that the author does bring more of his nationality into the story, after all a good tale is one where you can feel it's roots showing through so it creates a real environment for the fun to take place in. I hope this story continues and they have an exciting, loving relationship; personally I hope it doesn't just turn into a family gang bang as it cheapens the relationships that develop.

I liked the story alot. Grammer don't let Grammer nazis bother you some ppl just suck

Can't wait for chapter 2. That was hot!!! Reminds me of a camping trip of my own but for me I didn't get my as licked. my ass got kicked and my brother hasn't talked to me since. I've thought about that night allot since then and fantasized about a better outcome many times. Keep writing I love the story!!!

on't care about the spelling (I don't spell worth a shit myself) however you eat a lime not a lemon with your shots.

I want to get some advice from you all!!

I want to know if any readers are keen for the parents to get involved. I'm currently wrighting with a kind of implication of the possibility of it, but one of the comments here says it wouldn't be preferred and would cheapen the relationship.

Any ideas?

Also in reply to more comments:

Thanks for validating my point better than I could ha ha. I'm sure I've come across far more difficult to read stories than this one (although as you said, generally the wrighter will find it easier to follow his own story than others) and as far as bringing more of my own colloquialisms into the text, I'm what you would probably call a bogan over here and you'll probably start likening this story to the antics in crocodile Dundee if I type like I talk (I'm a minority, trust me).

Oh and as far as lick sip suck goes, it's whatever you can get your hands on at the time. However where I live, people prefer lemon. ;)

How about they continue playing doctor for several days. Their parents find out but they let them continue. Finding out their parents are actually siblings.

Every reader will have an idea or a specific preference they feel is superior to every other suggestion, and a significant number of them are going to get pissed-off to a greater or lesser degree if you don't follow their suggestions to the letter. If you let the readers write the story, it will be a mess, and someone is going to take it personally, one-bomb you, and give you crap because they gave you chapter and verse and you didn't follow their suggestions, instead you followed someone else's direction and preferences and it went in a direction they're not happy with. Best to read the comments you have so far, and go with the consensus, if you really have no clue as to how the next chapter goes, or synthesize the comments with the story so far and develop a direction for the next chapter, maybe off in a different direction, but at least it will be you making the choice.

Ultimately, if you try and please everyone, you're going to end-up pleasing no-one, so you'd be better off pleasing yourself.

Write your story the way you want to see it develop and conclude, and if you're undecided how the next part should go, wait until you are certain, or until inspiration strikes, or go to the Author's Hangout forum and ask questions there, you'll get a flavour for what the experienced writers think will or won't work; there's no race here to post first, but for goodness sake don't just throw your story idea down and let the mob rewrite it for you, that way lies confusion and ruin.

The story was good but it could have been better if you either proofread your story or got an editor to help you. You had a bunch of grammatical errors, otherwise it was good.

I like the story so far. You are the author so you have to write the story that is in you. It really doesn't matter what I want. I always want to ask posters who try to guide a story, why don't they write their own then? However, since you asked for opinions I like stories that are more realistic. There is just no reality where I see parents joining in. Keep it simple. Aim for a good story rather than just more of the same crap that is already out there. Just my thoughts. I ride this train where ever you take us and if I don't like it then I can go find something else. Thanks for the first chapter.

A great sibling story about exploring sex !! Nice start with more details in the next chapter please !! They now have to learn more skills and enjoy it during their camping week !! Alex needs to eat Haley slow and steady to a huge orgasm and Haley now must learn to swallow his cum. They don't know how much fun this can all be yet !! Mom & Dad are banging away in the other tent and maybe they are really using their 18th birthday to show them what fun they can have and might join them. Interesting comments ........... thanks !

Author needs to learn the difference between "were" and "where" ... It really fucks over the story when you can't even read it properly...

The story was a great read. But it was ruined by the extremely negative comments from the grammar police. I understand he is trying his best to make the most of his very pathetic life, but this is a story that is meant to entertain. This is not a story meant to pass the GRE or GMAT exams. Now if the grammar police would learn to dial it down a bit I feel confidant that he will no longer have trouble making friends. People hate those who are judgmental, critical or mentally unbalanced like the grammar police.

Great story...takes me back to my camping experiences from years ago.

You barely mentioned the story. Your comment was pretty much a rant about someone daring to actually care about the English language. I can only presume the comment hit a little too close to home.

I think this is a great story and it has quite some potential to be developed. I would not want to see you put off and not finish it.

As for the grammar nazis - yes, there are some mis spellings and some incorrect words used - nowhere near the extent where it is difficult to read. With some authors it is so bad that you have to frequently reread passages to try to understand them. That is not the case here. The story is easy to read and understand and that (together with a great, well told story) is what matters. With regard to the 18 yo virgin twins - I think we all understand (or at least we all should) your literary constraints on this issue.

In terms of likes and thoughts for story development - the more you can mix it up the more interest can be generated. So, if you can mix it up with the parents (or others) then great. Maybe the parents want to tell the twins they are secretly part of a swinging scene back home?

Just my personal preference but, while anal sex is fine, I do find licking fingers or cocks coated with anal slime to be a big turn off.

"there are SOME mis spellings (MISSPELILINGS) and some incorrect words used," e.g.,

1. main cities traffic (city’s)

2-3. Twins birthdays (twins birthday)

4. camp site (campsite)

5. Started Richard (started)

6. Said (said)

7. Deer’s (deers)

8. uncase (in case)

9. poisons where (were)

10. they had knew (known)

11. what not (whatnot)

12. you keped (keped)

13. thunder strike (clap)

14. some times (sometimes)

15. grinded (ground)

16. camp grounds (campground’s)

17. un-like (unlike)

18. cross legged (cross-legged)

19. spur of the moment (spur-of-the-moment)

20. peak (peek)

21. I might as well loose the boxers (lose)

22. lolly pop (lollipop)

23-25. It was no use (.) (-but as) (-he) (He) felt the pressure

26. brothers seed (brother’s)

27. probing on her ass (of)

The way I always describe it is errors in spelling, grammar, punctuation, etc. are like potholes on the literary highway. You're cruising along, enjoying the ride/read, when "BAM!" you hit a pothole that jars you out of the pleasant story line. Now, if they are few and far between, you may be able to return to enjoying the journey, but when they are so numerous, the readers find themselves more focused on the looking out for the next literary pothole, rather than on what's being said.

When a writer (not "wrighter") puts their stories out for public consumption and comment, it is assumed they are doing so to improve their writing skills and end product and not just looking for "Attaboy!" pats on the back. They can only improve if they know where they have gone wrong. It is constructive criticism, looking to allow the author to see where they've made mistakes and hopefully learn from them and improve in future stories.

I DO think it is wrong to chastise a writer if they are using their own national form of English, be it British English, American English, Aussie English, etc.. People who complain about that (usually my fellow Americans) need to get over themselves and realize that there are many different spellings for some words within the English language, depending on where the author learned it. Arse or ass? Who cares? Pyjamas or pajamas? So what? The author should be allowed to write in his or her own local form of English. But, if they spell it "pujamas", I'm still going to call them on it.

What a hot build up. Hope this keeps going.

More, More!

If I had a sister, I would not let anyone touch her. Because I'll be the only one gets to fuck her and we would have sex every time mom and dad go to work, fuck her after school and etc.