All Comments on 'The Christmas Party, and Afterwards'

You need an editor to tame some of your idiosyncrasies. For instance, the first paragraph contained artsy-fartsy wording that just didn't need to be there. Also, your phrasing and punctuation need lots of work. And writing more 'indefinitely'?<p>Find an editor. This story could have been a lot better with another few passes through the word processor.

Anonymous in Tampa was a bit harsh in my opinion. Not a bad story, good idea for sure, and if there were some technical issues, they didn't distract too much from the story. I'd say keep writing, work on the grammar and punctuation a bit, and don't let naysayers discourage you.

couple of suggestions. Hold your story for a few days, then go over it again for errors or tightening up. Also, do most people use a tilted speech? Kinda minor things but they make for better reading. Overall, a good plot, nicely rendered.